When it comes to sex, there are certain things you can never be prepared for. Like, the first time a man unpacks the goods and you see something you really weren’t prepared for down there. Are his balls the size of grapefruits or is his penis just really tiny? Every penis is unique, but some are more unique than others. It’s important, no matter what he’s packing, to keep a poker face and not reveal your glee that you seem to have stumbled upon the world’s most perfect cockpiece or disappointment at the fact that his dick is about as thin as a pencil. We don’t want you to get caught with your pants down. Well, we do, but we just want you to be prepared when he takes his pants down. Be forewarned, if you’re single for long enough, you’re likely to meet the following penises… Keep reading »
It’s cold and flu season, which means that either you, the person you’re sleeping with, or both of you are probably sick with some manner of plague right now. There are few things less sexy than snot, sneezing, headaches, and coughing fits, but even so, when you’re confined to your bed for days, and you’ve tired of naps and TV marathons, you’re going to get horny. It’s just a fact of life. Even more so when you and your partner are sick in bed together — at some point the memories of the healthy sex you once had with each other is going to outweigh how disgusting you feel, and you’ll find yourselves humping out of instinct. Here’s how to make the most fun and the least snot when you have sick sex… Keep reading »
“Spicing things up in the bedroom” is a phrase that we’re tired of hearing — at least, from humans. When we came across this super sexy llama photo, we realized that there is one creature we would still gladly take sex advice from: the llama. For example: “Always announce when you’re not wearing panties. You know, just as an invitation.” Brilliant, right? Here are 10 more tips for livening up your bedroom routine, inspired by — you guessed it — llamas.
Resolutions are generally bullshit. By the second week of January, we are usually back to our old ways of skipping the gym, popping open that second bottle of wine, and buying (more) crap we don’t need off of eBay. But sex resolutions are more fun and therefore, we’d like to think, more likely to actually be accomplished.
Here are 25 sex resolutions for 2014 — don’t try them all at once now! Keep reading »
Let’s continue our ongoing conversation about blowjobs, which will go on as long as there are willing mouths to suck penises. In other words, forever. Today’s topic: how men ask for some mouth-on-dick action without actually uttering the phrase “blowjob.” Why a man can’t just straight up ask for one? We’re not sure. Instead, most guys are cunning, using covert tactics, physical cues, and code words to try to get the fellatio they desire. And while men might think they’re being subtle announcing, “Honey, I’m erect,” we’re fully aware that they’re trying to urge us into BlowJobLand (and often, we’re happy to oblige). For the record, guys, there’s no need to make a cheese plate as a subliminal message urging us to orally indulge in your penis, but we do appreciate the gesture. Here are some other blowjob-hinting strategies we’ve been onto for years… Keep reading »
We always have high hopes for the romantic and sexual potential of the holidays. Snow is falling, fires are burning (both literally and figuratively), and we’re ready to get it on! Sadly though, like so many other aspects of the holidays, the reality of our yuletide hookups often looks much, much different than our expectations, and not in a good way. Let’s break down the divergence of fantasy and reality in painfully graphic detail, shall we? Keep reading »
Last week, we learned the sad news that we may not be burning as many calories as we thought we were during an average sex session. And hey, burning about as many calories as a game of doubles tennis is nothing to sneeze at. But if you really want to turn your sexcapades into a bona fide (boner fide?) workout, you’re gonna have to make like Britney Jean and work, bitch. Getting the maximum burn from your sexercise session takes dedication, excellent hand-eye coordination, and a little creativity, but it can be done. Here are some moves we dreamed up for people who want to hit the bedroom instead the gym, who want to pump their hips instead of pumping iron, who want to ditch the exercise balls for actual balls, who — well, you get the idea. [Photo from Shutterstock]
Women get a bad rap when it comes to initiating sex, and while it’s true that being assertive about asking for what we want can be tough for some of us, there are about a million different situations that might inspire us to throw a man on the bed and tell him what’s up. We don’t always need a scented candle burning and a deep talk about our feelings to get us in the mood. Sometimes we just need to be cheered up after watching a documentary about peak oil. Or maybe we’re avoiding doing a formidable pile of laundry. Or maybe we were weirdly turned on by an offhanded sexual comment made by a guy we weren’t even attracted to 5 minutes ago. The point? There are tons of times when we have no problem going after a penis we want. Here are a few of them… Keep reading »
When it comes to giving oral sex, or as one of my friends calls it, sucky sucky, women seem to fall into two camps: LOVE IT or HATE IT. When gossiping about sex, I feel this overwhelming pressure to declare that I go hog wild for head or loathe it so much that I’ve taken it off the sexual menu with the exception of special occasions, like birthdays. (I’ve never understood that, by the way. Why would you give the gift of something you supposedly hate?) On the subject of blowjobs, there is a subtle urging to take sides. “Too much work!” or “Yummy! Cock!” As I sit there, feeling terribly neutral about the act, I can’t help but suspect that women have been conditioned to have strong, polarized feelings about giving head — or at least to play up their feelings for effect. Keep reading »