Last week, women reading the Internet collectively reached for their wallets to check how much cash they had, because there was a fellow lady out there who needed a drink. And that lady was a woman on Reddit who posted a spreadsheet (picked up by Deadspin) that she had just received from her husband.
The spreadsheet had three columns: DATE, SEX? and EXCUSE. The second column was mostly filled with the word “No” and the third column was mostly filled with the wife’s reasons she did not want to have sex that day, like “I’m exhausted” and “You’re too drunk.”
On the Reddit thread of her post, Spreadsheet Wife (username throwwwwaway29) said her husband sent this to her right before she left for a 10-day business trip — and wouldn’t pick up his phone when she called. Assuming this isn’t some Internet prank — always a possibility — the whole shitshow is rude, immature and callous. Keep reading »
I would naively assume that the main reason a person would have sex would be simply because they wanted to. As it turns out, there are a whole slew of complicated reasons why people have sex.
The University of Texas conducted a study to find out exactly what motivates people to get busy and the results were much more nuanced than I’d have thought. Researchers first asked over 400 survey participants to reveal reasons people have sex; then, they asked about 1,500 undergraduate students about their experiences and attitudes. What they found was over 237 reasons for having sex. Keep reading »
I’m a regular reader of Slate’s advice column, “Dear Prudence,” which counsels letter writers on problems great and small. While the questions fairly often have to do with matters pertaining to sex, this is the first time I’ve seen Prudie advise a letter writer who caught a tween masturbating with a kitchen utensil. Which may or may not have been suggested by the letter writer’s sister, a ‘cool aunt.’ From the letter:
… This weekend, I came home to hear a commotion in the kitchen and found my daughter holding the hand mixer against her body. Embarrassed, she said her aunt had “taught her this trick.” Now, I can easily imagine she may have just thrown that out as an inappropriate joke, but I wouldn’t put it past her to have meant it seriously. Obviously, our daughter wouldn’t be the first 13-year-old girl put in an awkward situation to lie, either.
Well then. Keep reading »
I’m someone who has had a lot of sex with a lot of different people — “a lot,” of course, being subject to interpretation. I have had several relationships throughout my life, but a fair amount of sex has been with hookups, men that I briefly dated, or FWB. I’ve been lucky enough to have some extremely hot sex that I fondly remember. But primarily, there was a lot of largely unremarkable sex that was meh at the time; being kinky, it has not been easy for me to match up well with fulfilling sexual partners.
When I met my husband (a year ago in two weeks, in fact!), I happily settled into monogamy with him. Kale not only satisfies me and loves being satisfied by me, but he loves and appreciates my past experiences. Consistently knowing where my next good sex is coming from makes me relieved to be off the sex-and-dating merry-go-round.
That’s the biggest way that a relationship has changed my sex life. Here are a few more: Keep reading »
If there are a million ways to do something wrong, there should be at least a few ways to do a thing right. In this series, Janet and Emily tackle your questions from two different perspectives. The result, we hope, is two right answers.
Janet is a stone-cold rationalist, baker, and monotreme from Australia. Her boobs played the field briefly before marrying themselves off to a skier-dude. Emily is from the Midwest, and is a single, straight, agnostic, whiskey-drinking softball player who’d love to use her Pinterest wedding board before all the pics go out of style. Both Janet and Emily are writers and comedians in New York.
I live with my Mom and Dad (still), so every time my boyfriend and I have sex we do it at my boyfriend’s house. Well, he lives with roommates and always seems to initiate sex when there are other people around. The walls are thin, so he is trying to be discreet, but it has become really obvious when we are having sex because he plays music loudly to drown out any noise. On the one hand, I like music to get in the mood. But it’s also weird to me that people will hear it and know it’s the “special” music — like will they associate Chris Isaac with nookie because it broadcast the fact we were getting busy in the next room? I am not embarrassed about sex, but I would like a little more discretion for everyone involved. – Not Looking For An Audience Keep reading »
In one week, I’m celebrating a BIG birthday: 30! In acknowledgment of the fact that I’ve spent over half of my 20s working at The Frisky, I’m going to reach down deep into to archives and revisit some old posts. I’ll examine what I wrote at the time and how that has or hasn’t changed. If you have any suggestions of old posts you’d like me to revisit, tell me in the comments or shoot me an email at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. First up …
The Post: “Why I Like Being Called A Slut In Bed”
Publication Date: February 2, 2011 Keep reading »
“How do women decide to begin a sexual relationship? Pricing!”
The above video showed up in my Facebook feed the other night. It’s from a purported think tank, the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture, which is actually a Christian think tank/advocacy group. The video claims to be a scientific look at the “Economics of Sex” based on the concept that men want sex for its own sake but women want sex for intimacy, security and, ultimately, marriage. Therefore sex is a “resource,” subject to supply and demand, which women control. “Men know that sex is cheap these days if they know where to look!” we are told. The video then implores women to dole out the supply of their resource to men (the “demand”) in exchange for other stuff. Essentially: ‘All sex is prostitution and women are prostitutes.’ Hello, Christian Right! Thought you were in there somewhere.
There’s so much in this video that makes me mad, I almost don’t know where to start: the fact that it’s a call to female solidarity drawn and directed entirely by men; the fact that they talk about women ‘policing women’s relationship interests’ when they mean slut shaming; the comparison of the birth control pill to chemical pesticides; the blazing heteronormativity. Smart women have already chimed in on this stuff, though, so I’ll focus on the completely bullshit notion that “men want sex more than women do.” I’m not saying this statement is untrue — I’m saying it’s utter nonsense to which no truth value can be assigned.
Keep reading »
Like many daydreamers, I often think about time periods other than the one I’m currently living in that I would most likely enjoy. I usually settle on the roaring ’20s (it’s easy to get caught up in how cute everyone would look with flapper dresses and bobbed hair). Then I remember, of course, what the ’20s were actually like. Women had only recently secured the right to vote, abortion was illegal, penicillin and birth control were very new, and employment opportunities were still divided into men- and women-only. (Guess who had the less attractive options?)
This little game is just a daydream. Yet it ends up always serving as a reminder that I’m fortunate to be a woman the 21st century. And that’s a reminder I’m ashamed to admit, as a feminist, that I need somewhat often. There are times when being a woman even in 2014 feels disappointing — things should be better, things should have changed more. I’m privileged as an educated white, middle-class woman that these things are as few as they are. But one of the very biggest areas that needs changing is women writing about sex. Keep reading »
All of a sudden this weekend, a bunch of friends began passing around the same Business Insider article on Facebook, called “A Beautiful House In Brooklyn Is Secretly Being Used For Upscale Sex Parties” by Megan Rose Dickey.
Uh oh, I thought, having read only the headline .
I immediately knew two things. One, I know the house and parties they’re talking about. Some secret. And two, um, what exactly do you mean by a “beautiful” house is being used for “upscale” sex parties? Keep reading »