Dear Joji Kondo,
You lied to me! You told me the 200 bicycle seats sitting in our basement were from a faulty shipment at work and that you would be examining them as part of your company’s initiative on quality control. You started spending more time in the basement — sniffing the seats, straddling them and licking them. I thought it was strange, but I know you have a passion for bicycles, so I let it go because I loved you. When we were out, I saw you eyeing parked bicycles. You looked at them in lascivious way. You had a particular fondness for the ones with child seats. I tried my best to interpret it as part of your mad genius for mechanical engineering. Keep reading »
It’s like the Titanic, but it’s a strip club. Seriously. Marine biologist, Gil Koplovitz, discovered an abandoned, sub-aquatic venue in the water beneath Eilat, Israel, while working in the area. According to Koplovitz, it used to be an underwater restaurant, but apparently it closed and re-opened as a strip club called the Nyphas Show Bar. “The entrance [to the strip joint] is above water … People just crossed a 230-foot bridge and went down a flight of stairs. No need to get wet,” Koplovitz said. There’s no clue as to when the club closed its doors, but the stripper poles are still intact as is the website for the restaurant. So, definitely in this millennium. After the jump, check out a picture of the inside of the club. I think someone needs to reopen this place with real-life mermaids. [i09 via HuffPo] Keep reading »
Hundreds of people were forced to flee a UK tattoo convention when a burlesque dancer’s flaming nipple tassels triggered the fire alarm. Go Go Amy, a member of the Pretty Things Peep Show, was performing her act which featured fire-eating and fiery nipple tassels, when the smoke emanating from her nipples set off the fire alarm, sending patrons running for the exit.
“They weren’t meant to use fire in the act but I think they just completely forgot … It was one of those priceless moments that people will be talking about for years. It was incredible how quickly the building was evacuated,” said the event organizer.
Ah, the power of flaming nipples. I will remember this trick next time I want to get hundreds of people to bend to my will. [Daily Record]
Dear Huang Jianjun,
I know you take your ghostbusting extremely seriously. Killing ghosts has been your passion since you saw “Ghostbusters” in the ’80s. I’ve always wanted to be supportive of you and your dreams, so I refrained from telling you that I thought your idea to start a ghostbusting business was absurd. What can I say? I was tired of you sitting around all day watching watching succubus porn and drinking Mountain Dew, so I lied and told you to start your business. I wanted that imprint of your ass off my couch. I realize now that was a mistake. You used your business as an excuse to have sex with an unsuspecting woman. And here I was believing that we never had sex anymore because you weren’t “attracted to sentient beings.” Ha! What a fool I was. I suppose you were lying about not being able to get it up because of your diabetes too. Keep reading »