A few months back, I had a horrifying experience at an Apple Genius Bar. My computer died while I was in the midst of the some important business, and try as I might, I couldn’t bring it back to life. Regarding the “important business,” it was this: Engagement rings. My boyfriend and I had been in the beginning stages of the engagement conversation; we’d started the process of looking at rings. On this particular night, we’d been looking on a website. Eventually, my boyfriend got tired and went to sleep. But I stayed up for a while. I stayed up looking at rings.
Here, it bears mention that my current screen saver shows both my father and my younger brother at my younger brother’s wedding. So, my boyfriend was asleep, and I was looking at rings against the backdrop of my newly married brother. And then my computer went kaput. Immediately, I scheduled a Genius appointment for the following morning. When I went in, the helpful young Genius had it working again in a matter of minutes. He did one thing and then another, and then my computer came back to life. And when it did, the visuals flashed in this order: SCREENSAVER OF BROTHER AT WEDDING! FIVE DIFFERENT ENGAGEMENT RING WEBSITES! Keep reading »
The miracle of childbirth is fairly straightforward: The baby is forced out of a screaming woman’s nether parts in a moment of bloody, agonizing … beauty? But when it comes to just how the baby got in there in the first place, people throughout history and around the world have come up with some really creative theories. We like to think we’ve got a pretty good handle on how it works at this point (it has something to do with a stork and a turkey baster, right?), but to be honest, we’d have paid way more attention in sex ed class if they’d told us these things. Read more …
Once upon a time in 2005, there was a young lady in her mid-20′s who lived in a faraway land known as New York City. This young lady was single and, as a result, was in constant pursuit of a man to be her boyfriend. She searched far and wide throughout the land for a proper companion. Eventually, many years later, she would find one to call her own, but in 2005 she was rifling through as many men as were available, ready, and willing. In the summer of 2005 she was balancing two different gentlemen, and it was in said balancing act that our fair maiden accomplished the near-impossible – the arguably slutty, the inarguably promiscuous – and put two penises into her mouth in one day.
Two different penises, that is. Just so we’re clear. Keep reading »
You thought your breakup was bad: a German lawyer named Tim Schmidt has accused his ex-girlfriend of trying to smother him with her breasts during sex. She has been charged with “attempted murder with a weapon” … the weapon being her 38DD breasts. Keep reading »
A recent news expose on gym hookups is activating my germophobia like WHOA. Joel Potter, the owner of the Blue Moon Fitness centers in Omaha, Nebraska, discovered a Craigslist Casual Encounters ad, where a member was propositioning other members for oral sex in the saunas. “Looking to see if any members of Blue Moon on 108th and Q want to coordinate workout times… ideal for a straight, married guy to hit the gym and get what the wife/girlfriend hates to do,” the ad said. Keep reading »