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Life After Dating: The Death Of Discussing My Sex Life

Life After Dating: The Death Of Discussing My Sex Life

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

When I was single, I spent a lot of time talking about my sexual exploits with friends: his penis-to-ball ratio, how chipper of a mood he was in the morning after, whether or not I wanted to “hit that again.” It was one of the fun — well, maybe more necessary than fun — parts of being single. When I had flings or dating stints, all that was left when the dude was out of my life were the war stories. There was a soothing pleasure in finding a way to make my friends (and myself) laugh about how he did little more than jackhammer my vagina to death with his huge penis and in the morning, ask me to turn my shower on for him because it was “too hard to figure out.” I was the circus clown making singledom palatable for the crowd. Honestly, when I was single, if I didn’t find humor in my sex life, I would have been a very sad clown. Keep reading »

#PolarVortexPickUpLines Are Keeping People Warm In Sub-Zero Temperatures — Plus The Cast Of “Downton Abbey” Shirtless!

  • “While that is actually an icicle in my pants, I’m still happy to see you.” #polarvortexpickuplines I’m thrilled that something good has come out of this ungodly deep freeze. [PopSugar Love & Sex]
  • This woman went to orgasm school to learn how to do it better. Find out if she got an A+ in “Pussy Breathing.” [Your Tango]
  • You need to look at the heads of the cast of “Downton Abbey” Photoshopped onto the bodies of male models. Mrs. Patamore as an underwear model is flawless. [Nerve]
  • Sometimes decoding whether or not you like each other is the hardest part. There should be some kind of Morse Code for that. [College Candy] Keep reading »

What If Cinderella Was Kinky? Plus, Sex Toys For Geeks!

  • If Disney Princesses had to deal with dating drama, it might go something like this… [Pop Sugar Love & Sex]
  • And if Disney princesses were into S&M it would look something like this. Cinderella, you nasty! [Nerve]
  • Breakups are rough. Sometimes sex toys get decapitated in the aftermath. [Huffington Post]
  • A new study broke down the kinds of online dating profile pics that women DON’T respond to. Guys, look and learn. There are no more excuses for bathroom selfies. [The Stir]
  • Looking for a geekier sex toy to spice things up? Perhaps you would enjoy the Death Ray. [Cracked] Keep reading »

Is Beyonce Sleeping With Her Backup Dancer, Laurent Bourgeois?

  • A highly unlikely report claims that Beyonce and her backup dancer Laurent Bourgeois are “very close,” bordering on “inappropriate.” Yeah, not buying it. [Celeb Dirty Laundry]
  • Sex dreams are the weirdest. This woman dreamed she was wearing a flaccid strap-on. Find out what it means. [Em & Lo]
  • If you’re newly divorced or separated, read one woman’s tale of how she’s surviving her first holiday season without her partner. [The Stir]
  • If celebrities were sex acts, then everyone in the world would be asking for a Zooey job (a BJ with a ukulele). [Cracked] Keep reading »

This Woman Makes Crocheted Penises For A Living

  • Shana Xavier makes her living selling crocheted penises on Etsy. She should be friends with the woman who knits from her vagina. They could build an X-rated, wool empire together. [Nerve]
  • Let’s review this year in bad, wrong, weird, strange sex. Like, the invention of the robot that gives handjobs and the discovery of dinosaur erotica. [Huffington Post]
  • PsychopathBeGone is not a real online dating site, but it should be. [The Stir]
  • People claim to be able to do these preposterous sex positions. BWHA! [Cracked]
  • Transgender woman, Jennifer Finney Boylan, talks about her experience volunteering at Salvation Army. [Newser] Keep reading »

Check Out Milan’s “Dildo” Christmas Tree — Plus, The Best Sexy Dude Calendars!

  • Find out why city officials in Milan were not excited by this Christmas tree decorated with 100 dildos. [Newser]
  • LeAnn Rimes says she thought about sex during her Patsy Cline tribute. [Socialite Life]
  • These prostitutes dispel myths about the profession and enlighten us about the practice of “dick checks.” [Cracked]
  • Vibrators for men basically give them blue balls so that they won’t bust too quickly. [Nerve]
  • I’m totally getting the 2014 Butt Guy calendar. Which of these sexy dude calendars will you be purchasing? [PopSugar Love & Sex]
  • Brazilian soccer players are sick and tired of being sequestered before games so they can’t have sex. Yeah, I don’t think anyone would like that. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »
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