Welcome to our new weekly column Dater XY! Our anonymous MALE dater will be revealing the adventures and misadventures of finding love from a dude’s point of view. Let’s give him a big welcome!
With a high of four degrees and over a foot of snow, the weather was not fit for man nor beast. But I had a date, so off I went into the icy cold. I’d met The Teacher through an online dating site, like so many of us do these days. I had sent her a message to see if she wanted to share a drink, she accepted, and we met at one of my favorite restaurants.
Over dinner, we chatted about the usual first date things: where we were from, how long we’ve been in the city, music we like, if we enjoyed our meals, etc. The more we talked, the more our chemistry grew. Of course, the chemistry could have been the Malbec. But judging by the smiles on our faces, The Teacher and I had something more. After a few hours of flirtatious and witty banter, we paid our check and I walked her to a cab. Our next date was set in two weeks and I was a happy guy. Keep reading »
I know, I know, you’ve all been waiting with bated breath to find out if Scar Twin and I got it on. And BOY, DID WE.
You see, after I quite cathartically wrote to you all about my dilemma last week, it became evident to me that the real reason I wasn’t having sex wasn’t because I felt emotionally unready. My relationship with Scar Twin is going well, has been progressing on all levels, and I feel very confidently that this “thing” we have was (and is) headed in a positive direction. Our chemistry is undeniable, and it was obvious that we were both itching to do the deed. After all, sex is an important part of any relationship, and it’s fair to say we were both ready to see if we were as compatible in the bedroom as we are out of it. I think, underneath all of the questioning was just plain fear of rejection. Once you sleep with someone, you become vulnerable in a way you weren’t before. You’re more invested, and yes, sometimes people become attached. More than anything, I think I worried that becoming even more intimate with Scar Twin would make things hurt even worse if they didn’t work out. But then I realized that I was depriving myself of a healthy, natural thing that could take our relationship to the next step, so I said “fuck it,” and knew what I needed to do. Keep reading »
Public Service Announcement: if you accidentally lodge a sex toy in one of your orifices, GO TO THE DOCTOR. A 50-year-old London man died this past December from septic shock after he waited five long days to remove a dildo he’d lodged into his rectum. Nigel Willis was too embarrassed to go see a doctor, though he was “dizzy, weak and unable to move,” according to ITV News, A friend finally forced him to see someone, but by that point, the dildo had pierced his bowels, leading to the septic shock. How horrible! I wish Nigel knew that a lot of people worry about losing stuff up there — tampons, condoms, even sex toys — and doctors have seen everrrrrything. Literally, everything. So, please don’t leave things sitting up there (wherever “up there” might be, I don’t judge!). Avoiding five minutes of embarrassment is not worth your life. Plus, you’ll have a really great story for your next round of “Two Truths And A Lie.” [New York Daily News; ITV News] [Image of a doctor via Shutterstock]
Before I used Foria’s Cannabis Lube to get my vagina high for the first time, I had a lot of thoughts running through my head about what it would be like. Is it going to be a high that’s similar to smoking weed? I love smoking weed. Or will it be more of a body high, like when you eat pot brownies? Oh shit, am I going to trip balls? Maybe I shouldn’t do this on a Tuesday. I wonder if it’ll be easier to orgasm when I’m having sex if my vagina is stoned? Ooh, I wonder if my orgasms will be more powerful too. That would be awesome.
The truth is, it’s really kind of difficult to explain what it feels like to get your vagina high. But goddammit, I’m going to try. Keep reading »
When my first love and I broke up, I was still new to the world of sex. I was 22 years old when we said our tearful goodbye, knowing full well that what we had at that young age wouldn’t be able to transcend time. I remember thinking I’d not only never love again, but never, ever have sex again either. Sometimes I really miss the equal parts drama and naivety that comes with youth.
As a way to cope with the loss, I set up camp on my couch with endless supplies of veggie burgers and Ben & Jerry’s, and drowned my sorrows in “Beverly Hills, 90210″ reruns. I still contend that Emily Valentine really was one of the highlights of the show, and I have the months of obsessively watching it as scientific evidence. I also saw a wee bit of myself in her.
After a few years had passed, I started dating men here and there, having superficial flings steeped in alcohol as the common denominator, and by the time I moved to New York City, casual sex was all I was really interested in. It was there for the offering, I knew I enjoyed it, at least most of the time, so why not take advantage of sexual opportunities that life presented me?
Then I fell in love again. Keep reading »
I wish more men were like Nick Gilronan, winner of last year’s Smallest Penis in Brooklyn contest (this year’s contest is this Sunday, aka Father’s Day). He is proud of what he’s got between his legs, so much so that he was willing to stand almost naked, wearing just a mankini, in front of a crowd and strut his stuff. He told an interviewer, “The size of a man’s penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship,” and I wholeheartedly agree. See, I prefer guys who are a little less endowed, with good reason. Firstly, the best lovers I’ve ever had have been on the smaller side, which I don’t think is a coincidence. My hunch is that because these men feel self-conscious about their size (all of them told me as much at some point), they go out of their way to make up for it, excelling at oral sex and making good use of their fingers as well as positions like doggy-style. Keep reading »