People were just as dirty back in the olden days, they just had more entertaining turns of phrase to describe the naughty stuff. I had a little bit too much fun reading the entire 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue. And researching other antiquated sex slang. For instance, I learned that houghmagandy was the term for sexual intercourse of an adulterous nature. So did Rupert Sanders have houghmagandy with Kristen Stewart? Or was it just a brush, or fling. It’s hard to say based on the picture of their amorous congress against the fence.
Click onward for more old-timey slang applied to celebrities.
Sometimes there are no words for the way you are feeling, and you just have to come up with one instead. Usually, the Germans are my go-to people for words to describe things you can’t really describe in English, because hello, they’ve got awesome terms like zeitgeist and gestalt and kindergarten (okay, maybe not that last one so much). So allow us to introduce you to a word I just made up: Sexenschadenfreude. It pertains to the particular kind of schadenfreude you feel when discovering that someone you don’t like is sleeping with someone who is kind of gross.
Origin: Sex + Schadenfreude, which is when you revel in the pain and suffering of others (oh, come on, sometimes it happens).
Example: “God, ever since Stacy and I got in that fight, I’ve been having a major bout of sexenschadenfreude over her and her crappy boyfriend Steve. I bet he has the tiniest penis ever.”
Have you ever felt Sexenschadenfreude?
On the season finale of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” Kandi Burruss finally managed to gross me out. And no, it had nothing to do with her va-jay-jay/pee-pee/sex toy talk. When auditioning male models for her Bedroom Kandi launch party, she referred to a man’s chest hair as something truly revolting. “I don’t care if you have a little bit of hair, but I don’t want it to look like curled up, little naps, like little taco meat,” Kandi said after seeing Termaine shirtless. I’m sure poor Termaine went home ASAP and waxed his “taco meat.” Ewww. Not only was that beyond gross, but the poor guy is probably going to have a complex for the rest of his life. As will I. I am going to live in fear of thinking of tacos every time a man gets naked in front of me. Make it stop. After the jump, more gross food terms that should NEVER be used to describe a man’s body. Keep reading »
“Sexytimes.” “Beej.” “Gettin’ it on.” There is just so much sex slang I would like to see retired, like now. But I can giveth as well as taketh away. After all, we need words and phrases outside the clinical to describe “making the beasts with two backs” (that’s from King Lear, FYI, and it shall never be retired). After the jump, six new(ish) bits of sex slang that I think we should make happen. Share yours in the comments! Keep reading »
There’s no eloquent way to talk about bush, or for those of you who prefer to be anatomically correct, pubic hair. But some terms for ladies’ pubic regions are far more inappropriate than others. For example, a certain Frisky employee who shall remained unnamed, referred to her own bush as a “fur pie.” As in, “I am off to get my fur pie waxed.” I had never heard the term before and I hope never to hear it again. After the jump, a list of unapproved names for a woman’s bush. Keep reading »