Tag Archives: sex fail

Dealbreaker: The Guy With Remedial Grooming Skills

Douchebag Alert!
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Gross Beauty Rituals
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Dating Dealbreaker
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My fairly new boyfriend Todd was a nice-enough looking guy with some questionable grooming habits. I tried to tell myself that these minor, easily fixable flaws shouldn’t influence how I felt about him.

But instead of gazing into Todd’s eyes, I found myself staring at his nose hair, fixated. Brownish-grey tufts looking like steel wool sprouted from his nostrils. An occasional bit of crust hung from his nose hairs like food caught in a beard.

Nothing says “I love you” like buying your man a nose hair trimmer. In retrospect, I realize that Todd could have gotten (justifiably) offended. But while he “didn’t see what the big deal was,” he reluctantly agreed to try the trimmer out. Todd examined the miniscule blades that didn’t appear sharp enough to cut the nose hairs of a squirrel. He turned on the trimmer and held it to the edge of his nostril as if afraid it would get sucked in too deep and shred his brain. Keep reading »

Sex Fail: The 45 Minute BJ

When the Frat Boy I had my eye on invited me over under the guise of “hanging out,”  eating pizza, and watching a scary movie, I arrived with hairy legs to ensure my pants stayed on.

Within minutes, the lights dimmed, the movie started, and so did the shoulder massage, which quickly evolved into neck nibbling and  kissing. Admittedly, he was a fantastic kisser, with soft lips that tasted like cherries (literally – I later checked his medicine cabinet and found a tube of Cherry Chapstick).

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Sex Fail: He Cried In Bed

When I met Eric* at a friend’s birthday party, my first thought was that he was a man’s man. He was a six-foot-tall, broad shouldered carpenter from the Bronx with bulging arms covered in a myriad of swirling tattoos that strained the sleeves of his polo shirt. He caught me staring more than once. At my flirtatious request, he lifted his sleeve and showed me his ink. Keep reading »

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