Here is a confession: I am a dude, and sometimes I don’t want to have sex. For good reasons, or no reasons at all. It just depends.
I know that’s not actually shocking, but bear with me here, because that is somehow still a radical thing to admit. It’s still the default assumption about men, still casually reinforced basically every day. And women explicitly get told that it’s true, by men, even when they’re asked directly. Here’s just one recent example, from Cosmopolitan‘s “Ask Him Anything” column, in response to a question about why a woman’s husband wants to do it the moment they check into a hotel room anywhere: “Guys pretty much want sex no matter where they go – work, the mall, funerals, etc,” the “Him” who writes the column says, before explaining that a hotel room is just a part of that endless chain. Keep reading »
Very important news here in the world of the female sex drive. A new survey conducted by Women’s Health found that ladies are most in the mood for sex on Saturday night around 11 p.m. Hardly shocking. For most of us, Saturday is our first day off of the week and it’s also the only night we can stay up as late as we want. Well, besides Friday, but I’m usually fairly busted by then and just want to watch reality TV, I don’t know about you. Long work hours and lack of sleep can really kill the ol’ sex drive. Saturday night is statistically our night to cut loose. Keep reading »
Is your sex drive sluggish? Maybe you should lay off all the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Wonder Bread. A very enlightening article about sex drive killers points to white bread as a possible culprit:
“Foods such as white bread release the sugar more quickly than their wholegrain counterparts — and too much sugar is associated with energy slumps, which mean you won’t have the energy for sex.”
Wait. Does anyone past the age of 10 eat white bread? Just wondering. If it’s not the white bread weighing down your libido, it may be all that tonic water you’re drinking. [Daily Mail UK] Keep reading »
British sexpert, Bettina Arndt, asked 100 couples to keep diaries about their sex lives for a year. In her experience, spicing things up can really solve any problems in the bedroom and that’s what she was hoping to prove. While she expected to read some salacious tales of romantic rendezvous, what she got really put the love in love life. People bared their souls and divulged their deepest, darkest feelings — wait, men have feelings?! Just kidding! Arndt has just published her findings in The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Soft And Other Bedroom Battles based on what the couples wrote in their journals. It sounds like the perfect summer read, but if you’re like us circa high school, you’d rather skim the Cliff’s Notes. Here are eight reasons why couples stop having sex. [Daily Mail] Keep reading »
Looks like stores that carry red wine should stock up on condoms, too! An Italian study found that women who sipped vino rouge scored higher on the Female Sexual Function Index than those whose drink of choice was white wine or, well, anything else. Scientists don’t know why this is true, but some think it could be because red wine contains antioxidants that widen blood vessels, thus increasing blood flow to those special areas. Hm, we hope guys don’t use this knowledge to their advantage. [I feel like I learned so much more about myself in that last minute than I have in two years of therapy! -- Editor] [Asylum.com] Keep reading »
Attention career women! Have you lost something? Your sex drive, perhaps? Esquire scribe Stephen Marche thinks you have and declared this a “disaster for men.” According to Marche, while feminism emancipated women sexually, the movement has resulted in making women so focused on career pursuits that they no longer have time for or interest in fornicating. The proof? “30 Rock” and “The City” are cited as concrete evidence of this epidemic. Keep reading »
I really enjoy having sex once I’m having it, but I don’t think I have much sex drive in general — I never am the one to initiate sex with my husband, even though he’d like me too. It just never occurs to me. Once he puts the moves on though, I’m all for it. Is there any way I can ramp up my sex drive so that I can be more spontaneously horny for him? — Half-Heartedly Lazy, San Diego, CA
Lack of sex drive in women is way more common than you think. Doctors estimate almost 43% of women suffer from a low libido, with psychological and physical factors to blame. Before you figure out how to become hornier for your man, you need to figure out why you’re not in the mood. Physically, factors that can decrease your sexual desire are alcoholism, anemia, and hormone deficiencies. Psychologically, women who tend to have a lack of sex drive can be depressed, stressed, or suffering from past sexual issues (such as rape) or childhood hang-ups.
If you think you might be suffering from any of these factors, make an appointment with your doctor so he can give you his recommendations. In the meantime, start thinking of different fantasies when you’re away from your husband (work, running errands, etc.), and treat yourself to something lacy and naughty (and expensive!). Then, schedule a time in your mind when you want to get busy. A lot of times women get more turned on when they know when they’re going to have sex. Spontaneity can be just as hot when it’s planned!
Keep reading »