I’ve promised my friends that if I ever got to the point when I was single, approaching mid-30′s and out of options that I would try online dating (again). I’ve arrived there, but I’m skittish. Last time I forayed into virtual dating world, I ended up on a date with a guy who was “under federal investigation.” That was enough to put me off for a long time. Lately, a single friend has been doing the online thing and trying to convince me to do the same. On her most recent date, the guy was waiting for her when she emerged from the bathroom … right outside the door. When she declined a make out session, he said he “just really needed to go.” OK. This does nothing to encourage me. The pickings appear to be very SLIM. This leads me to my discovery: There exists an untapped market of available men who are sure to be more fun (and safer) to spend the evening with than a criminal or a bathroom stalker. Who are they, you ask? Where are they? I’ve scoped them out for you, for us. Click through to see the most eligible sex dolls out there.
It’s come down to this. The Final Four. (There’s still time to vote for either Rush Limbaugh or the Pee Drinker, by the way!) And what an interesting matchup this one is: a state that is intent on making sure getting and remaining pregnant are the sole options for sexually active women versus a sex toy for men that mimics the, uh, feeling of having sex with a pregnant woman’s vagina. So, you tell us — which is crazier? Vote now!
Abortion. Marriage equality. Health care reform. There are oh-so-many things that Democrats and Republicans do not agree on. But one thing we can all agree on is that every lady needs a little battery-operated something-something. That’s where Toys In Babeland’s newest toy, the Bipartisan Bunny vibrator, comes in. Priced at $114 and available next week, the Bipartisan Bunny comes in two modes, Red and Blue, which are pre-programmed with different saucy sayings. The Red mode says: “I’ll make you scream louder than a Fox News talk show host,” “A little lower please, and I mean lower than a billionaire’s tax rate,” “Drill, baby, drill,” and “Oh yeah, baby, just like a filibuster.” The Blue mode says: “We can do this together, yes, we can,” “A little more to the left, oh yeah, there, that’s it,” “Orgasms for all,” and “Occupy me.” Let’s forget for a moment that talking vibrators should not become a thing and give thanks to the folks at Babeland for their, uh, bipartisan support. [Toys In Babeland]
Your votes have been tallied. The results are in! In Round One of our Real March Madness, Lindsay Lohan and her Terry Richardson-lovin’ self clobbered Paz De La Huerta (of the Elvis ghost orgasm), while the pregnant woman fleshlight out WTF’d those manties made of beef jerky. Now Lilo and the Knocked Up male masturbator will go at it in Round Two. My God, that sounds wrong. How to compare them? Well, they are both missing a brain. The preggo fleshlight, well, because it doesn’t have a head. And Lilo, because she fried hers. Even though she claims to be sober, we’re not so sure. Who/what is crazier? You tell us! Vote!
Who/What Is The Craziest: Hot Mess Lindsay Lohan Or The Pregnant Fleshlight?
- The Pregnant Fleshlight! (55%, 241 Votes)
- Lindsay Lohan! (45%, 199 Votes)
Total Voters: 438
There are some new WTF sex products on the market, peeps. Woot woot! Question is: Which one will you NOT be bringing into your bedroom this spring? The competition is on. In one corner we have the new My First Knocked Up line of male masturbators. Yes, this fleshlight simulates sex with a pregnant woman, sorry, I mean a headless, limbless pregnant torso. Best of all, they come in different races. Sexxxy. Duking it out FTW are Brief Jerkies, a style of underwear a dude shouldn’t be caught dead in. Made of beef jerky, bedazzled with rhinestones and rumored to mix perfectly with ball sweat to enhance natural male pheromones, these meat haute couture manties are contendahs. So … which sex product is crazier? Cast your vote.
Which Is The Crazier Sex Product?
- Disembodied, pregnant fleshlights are too hot -- and nuts -- for words. (70%, 308 Votes)
- I want to eat those Brief Jerkies off my man. (30%, 130 Votes)
Total Voters: 438
One of the perks of my job at The Frisky is I get sent a lot of vibrators. This is great, as I avidly practice self-love and think every woman needs to have a vibrator. But with so many vibes on the market — seriously, there are tonssssss – how’s a gal to choose? This flowchart should help! Each of these has been tried and tested by yours truly so get ready to get your buzz on! Details on each model and where to buy, after the jump! Keep reading »