If it weren’t for the covers of women’s magazines like Glamopolitan, my time standing in grocery lines would be spent reading the copy on my frozen dinners. It’s amazing how reading “succulent tenderloins cradled by fluffy mashed potatoes” makes a meal squeezed out of a nozzle and flash frozen taste that much better. It was standing in line with my pathetic pyramid of bachelor food that I learned that there are, like, 1,342 different ways to drive me wild.

And here I was, thinking there was only one, 100% guaranteed way to drive me wild, and that was to touch my penis. At this juncture, I’d like to state that I’m also speaking for all of dudekind. Sweeping gender platitudes is what I do. So take the ice cube out of your mouth, the feather out of my ass, and go for the gold. Is there a Nobel Prize for sex advice? I’d like to thank you all.

Over at the Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered blog, Em & Lo offer up some truly original sex advice just in time for Father’s Day. It’s the sex advice your dad gave you—without meaning to. After the jump, a few of the best. Then add yours in the comments!

As the guys over at Men’s Health have proven time and again, they’re pretty sure they know exactly what makes a woman tick. Too bad they’re REALLY WRONG! This time they’d like their readers to believe they’ve got the secret sex tips (33 of them, in fact) to turn a lady on in no time flat. Check out their most ridunculous tips after the jump.

There’s no doubt best-selling author Zane knows sex. Her erotica is far different than your average sex scenarios and fantasies. The Sisters of APF: The Indocrination of Soror Ride Dick, about the members of Alpha Phi Fu**em as they try to find sexual fulfillment and freedom, was the first erotic novel to get me hot and bothered and make me laugh out loud. Zane definitely has an entertaining imagination that is perfect for her novels, but when it comes to reality, her sex advice is rather boring and kind of impractical. After the jump, check out our take on “Zane’s Top Nine Ways to Have Mind-Blowing Sex Tonight.”