You don’t really want to know what’s in the John Edwards sex tape, do you? Do you? Really?

Well, all right then: The Daily Beast spoke with multiple sources who’ve allegedly viewed the tape of Edwards and Rielle Hunter, and this icky, icky video that we don’t want to think about graphically depicts the former presidential candidate ....

Well, that certainly didn’t take long. Rozlyn Papa, the bachelorette who was kicked off “The Bachelor” earlier this season for inappropriate behavior with a producer, allegedly has a sex tape that’s being shopped around to various porn companies. According to a rep for Papa (seriously? She has a rep?), Rozlyn has “no knowledge of any tape.” But Kevin Blatt, a rep from a porn site who’s been shown the tape, says he watched it and “it’s definitely Rozlyn.” He claims the tape features her performing “one sexual act with a well-endowed gentleman.” I wonder how long before she swears “on her child’s life” she never made such a tape ... nor has even ever performed a sex act on any gentleman, well-endowed or not. [via TMZ]

Yesterday on “Oprah,” Andrew and Cheri Young continued their “Ratting Out John Edwards” book tour of doom, discussing everything from why they agreed to lie for the former-Senator/Presidential candidate, how Edwards has changed since 2004, and, of course, that infamous sex tape. In the clip above, Cheri seems super, well, psyched to give away some details, but stops short of saying anything really juicy—aside from the fact that Rielle was holding the camera in the vid, and Edwards knew he was being taped. Call me nuts, but my dirty, nosey mind wants more specifics on those sex acts. But I’m a perv.

File this one under: WTF IS SHE THINKING? On Sunday’s “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” Khloe Kardashian teases that her Valentine’s Day present for new hubby Lamar Odum might just be a solo sex tape. “I kind of like the idea of a sexy little video,” she says. “It could be naughty. I’m thinking about making a solo sex tape, like masturbation?” Like, really? Khloe apparently wants something for Lamar to remember her by when he’s on the road, but whatever happened to a nice framed portrait and a little phone sex? Is a solo sex tape something you might make for your man? [I’m Widd Stupid]

Ruh-roh. Rielle Hunter has gone to court to suppress “a personal video recording that depicted matters of a very private and personal nature.” The alleged video recording is in the possession of Andrew and Cheri Young. Mr. Young was Edwards’ long-time assistant, and he gave an interview with ABC News describing what was on the tape he found in Edwards’ trash can. Though he never saw her face in the video, he described the woman as “visibly pregnant” and “wearing a bracelet” and a “thumb ring” resembling those often worn by Rielle Hunter. Thumb ring? Really? Eww. [ABC News]

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. Two sources tell Gawker that during their affair, John Edwards and his mistress, Rielle Hunter, allegedly filmed a sex tape that contains “several sex acts.” Allegedly, Hunter is behind the camera at the beginning of it. Apparently Andrew Young, a former aide of Edwards’ who is publishing a tell-all book next month, is the one who found the sex tape at Hunter’s house.

Gawker hasn’t actually seen the alleged sex tape, so take this rumor with a grain of salt. But remember, Edwards admitted that he is the father of a love child, Frances Quinn, with Hunter, after denying it for two years.

Yuck. We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again: poor Elizabeth! [Gawker]

Though it seem as though all of Middle America is intimately familiar with the folds of Tila Tequila‘s vagina, nay, it isn’t true! Until this Tila Tequila sex tape hit the Internet, we could only imagine how she looked while masturbating to the smooth sounds of cheesy R&B. (Though, honestly, at 27 minutes long, it’s a bit lengthy for our tastes.)

Alas, it’s a very not-safe-for-work kind of affair and there’s no way in hell our lawyers will let us link to it. So click through Gawker to watch at your own peril, okay? [Gawker]

Back in 1999, Kid Rock and Scott Stapp of Creed made a little tape of them partying and getting blowies (thanks for the new term, Amelia) from groupies in a tour bus. The 45-minute video was supposedly stolen out of the safe in Stapp’s house in 2006, and fell into the hands of Red Light District, the company that brought you “One Night in Paris.” They released a preview online, but were sued for invasion of privacy by Stapp, Kid Rock, and one of the female stars of the video—all independently—before they could release the full thing. The case was settled in 2007—and the tape never to see the light of the day. But that isn’t keeping Stapp from talking about it.

Carrie Prejean‘s book, Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate, and Political Attacks, debuted Nov. 9 —and wouldn’t you know it, that night the former Miss California was on TV discussing her sex tape. Coincidence???

Do Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have a sex tape? Do I want to know the answer to that question? If there is one, and I’m forced to watch it, can I stab my eyes out afterward? These are the pressing questions of the day. Some random dude in Canada says Kimmel and Silverman made a sex tape when they were “on vacation a few years ago.” Purportedly, they “forgot” the camera, and now a resort employee is shopping the tape. The screen caps show a glimpse of somebody who could be anybody, including one of my exes, on top of someone else who you can’t see at all. Also: These knuckleheads aren’t even together anymore. I remain dubious and horrified. We will continue to bring you more of this terrifying sex tape gone wrong story as it continues to break my will to live. [ZackTaylor]