Carrie Prejean‘s book, Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate, and Political Attacks, debuted Nov. 9 —and wouldn’t you know it, that night the former Miss California was on TV discussing her sex tape. Coincidence???

Do Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have a sex tape? Do I want to know the answer to that question? If there is one, and I’m forced to watch it, can I stab my eyes out afterward? These are the pressing questions of the day. Some random dude in Canada says Kimmel and Silverman made a sex tape when they were “on vacation a few years ago.” Purportedly, they “forgot” the camera, and now a resort employee is shopping the tape. The screen caps show a glimpse of somebody who could be anybody, including one of my exes, on top of someone else who you can’t see at all. Also: These knuckleheads aren’t even together anymore. I remain dubious and horrified. We will continue to bring you more of this terrifying sex tape gone wrong story as it continues to break my will to live. [ZackTaylor]