So ... is this where an addiction to online porn goes too far? [Unplggd.com]

Dear Missionary Position,

You don’t get any respect. People think you’re old-fashioned, or bland or submissive. The other positions are more popular than you are. Flashy pornos feature kinkier ways to go at it, and popular magazines feature sex positions that would make a carnie contortionist reach for the Ben Gay. Some of those positions are just balancing acts for acrobatic show-offs more interested in human Jenga than sex. And then there’s Shakespeare, who called you the “beast with two backs.” Don’t worry, I don’t believe he wrote all those dull old plays himself either.

Everyone has a preference. I, for one, am way too lazy to get on top. What about you? [Sexual Positions Free]

Sex is really not that complicated, and many attempts from so-called “sexperts” to “spice it up” with a variety of positions end up making things overly complex. Now, men are in no position (pun intended) to complain, and there really aren’t any sex positions that we won’t appreciate. It’s like going to the Super Bowl: We’re happy to be there; we’re not going to complain about the tickets. I’m just saying that basic sex positions are by no means boring. There’s a reason that the “odd” positions aren’t the most popular—they can sometimes be dangerous, uncomfortable or, in rare occasions, life-threatening. We’ll still love it, though.

With that being said, here’s a look at some common sex positions that men don’t necessarily appreciate in the way that sex columnists tend to indicate that we do.

My girlfriends and I got to talking the other night (okay, actually it was several nights with several different girlfriends and several bottles of wine). You may guess where this is going. The funny thing is, I thought I did too.

Ever since I sold my old Ford Contour, packed all my belongings and moved to Manhattan, vehicular sex isn’t something I think about much…unless, of course, I’m three sheets to the wind and cabbing it home with my equally intoxicated boyfriend (and even then we’re lucky to have the wherewithal to make it to second base). That said, if I did live in a place where having a car was practical, I’d probably opt for something green (the movement, not the color), being the eco-conscious soul I am. And now, thanks to Treehugger, if I ever find myself in one of those cars, which tend to be on the small side, I’ll know four eco-conscious sex positions designed with compact cars in mind. A guide after the jump.

Guys have nipples too, but what exactly do you do with them? [Daily Bedpost]

Eeeeeek, a teeny, tiny baby deer! [Best Week Ever]

These sex positions will keep you warm all through the night. [College Candy]

Theologians in the middle ages devoted a lot of time to thinking about which sex positions were more pleasurable, and therefore more evil. They even distributed special handbooks to those who confessed with suggested penance lengths for various positions and sex acts. The suggested penance for having dorsal sex (woman on top) was three years of bread, water, and abstinence from exotic congress. Anal sex required three years penance if it was with an adult but only two years if it was with a boy. Perhaps the theologians wanted to let clergy off easy? [The Smart Set]

Cosmopolitan’s articles can induce so much puke, sometimes I think the magazine is making me bulimic.  The sex advice usually applies to girls who drink too much at frat parties or bored housewives who just can’t figure out their husband is gay, but this month there’s a gem that can put any woman on top of her game.  How many times have you bent like a pretzel to impress your partner?  Well, now it’s time for you to hump him with his knees to his chest.  Ha!  The Kama Sutra sex position of the week—with the least sexy name, The Erotic Accordion—is actually pretty hot.  First step: Try to not get hungry for Mexican food when they call a penis a “hot tamale.” Step 2: Get your man fetal, but lying on his back.  Step 3: Straddle him, then lower yourself down and start the low-ride. [WARNING: This thigh workout is not for the faint of Stairmaster.] Now, go make some beautiful accordion music together! [Cosmo]