Everybody’s talking about British psychoanalyst Brett Kahr’s meaty new tome, Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head?, based on the largest study of sexual fantasies ever undertaken. Not surprisingly, sex in public ranks high up there. This very important research prompted me to take an oh-so-romantic walk down memory lane to reflect on what were the worst, and best outside of the bedroom sex experiences my slutty self (and “friends”) have indulged in. Some were hot, and a few may illustrate why the best sex is sometimes confined to the sack.
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If you’re going to have sex in a public restroom, is it better to use the women’s or the men’s? — Lovin’ In The Loo, San Jose, CA
If you’re at a Minneapolis airport and happen to be a Senator, I highly recommend using neither. But if you aren’t, I think you should ask yourself this simple question: Who’s cleaner? Guys or girls? I think we all know the answer to that one. Guys seem to think a bathroom is a place where you can pee freely on the seat and take a massive dump without even lighting a match. If the thought of that makes you want to drop your britches, than have at it. If not, I suggest you use the women’s.
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“My boyfriend and I feel the need to have sex at most apartment/house parties that we go to. Is this weird? And what are some of the best ways to pull it off without getting caught?” — Party Crashing, Dallas, TX
This is kind of like my need to do a number two at people’s parties. It’s a christening of sorts. Or, simply a marking of territory. But even though I’m the resident “sexpert”, I can honestly tell you I’ve never had sex with a guy at a party. With that said, I don’t think you’re weird. I actually want to know what kind of parties you’re going to where you can find space to have sex. I live in NYC, so the parties I’m invited to usually involve a studio apartment and an oven in the closet. The closest I ever got to “doing it” was changing a tampon in the bathroom.
My advice? The larger the party the better. The larger the house the better. If you want to be discreet, go into an unoccupied room and lock the door. Worse case somebody knocks on the door and then you stop. I think if you’re having sex at parties in the first place, a part of you wants to get caught. That’s why I poop with the door open. Keep reading »