Posts tagged "semen"

WWJDD: “My Husband Wants To Come On My Face, But I’m Not Into It”

Her husband is obsessed with coming on her face, but she doesn’t get the appeal. Is there something she’s missing? James Deen, who’s given quite a few facials himself, weighs in!

James Deen / July 15, 2015

Let Us Never Spell It “Cum” Again

It is time to stand up for what’s right. …

Megan Reynolds / July 14, 2015

What Happens If You Attempt To Vape Semen?

Today in Things Florida Bros Do For Fun, Apparently, we have a guy from the great sunshine state purporting to vape his friend’s semen — and all it took to get him to inhale was $68 measly dollars. Video evidence of this alleged vaguely homoerotic feat — I say alleged because we don’t actually have…

Amelia McDonell-Parry / February 25, 2015

Meet China’s Hands-Free Sperm Extractor Machine (For The Times When A Regular Handjob Won’t Do)

File this one under “Things I Had To Check Weren’t A Clickhole Post First”: hospitals in China have machines to extract sperm. The hands-free gizmos are used by urology departments to manually pump out semen through a “massage pipe” when extracting it the, ummm, normal way doesn’t work anymore. Apparently it is used for sperm…

Jessica Wakeman / June 25, 2014

Infographic: The Cum Rag Hierarchy

A few months ago, I made a 100-point boyfriend checklist, and while some of the desired qualities listed were a little tongue in cheek, I was dead serious about wanting to find a man who would wipe his cum off me with a warm, wet washcloth. See, after years and years of being cleaned up by men clutching wad…

Amelia McDonell-Parry / April 2, 2014

James Franco’s Latest Work Involves Batman, Semen (NSFW)

On the subject of James Franco, I have learned not to ask questions. For clarification: how many questions? None. Zero questions. Just go along with it. The provocative Mind of Franco has developed a new “work” (??) called “50 Shades of Batman and Robin,” which presumably involves elements of both the “50 Shades” series and…

Rachel Krause / December 5, 2013

Man Accused Of Throwing Semen At Woman Because She Was “Hot”

In what was potentially an all time low for Walmart shoppers, one man decided that the best way to tell a woman that she was attractive was to throw bodily fluids at her. A Delaware police report obtained by The Smoking Gun states that Frank J. Short first walked past the victim and said, “Excuse…

Mary Odell / July 16, 2013

Lady Gaga May Have Returned Borrowed Dress With A Semen Stain On It

A PR flack blabbed to Page Six that Lady Gaga once allegedly returned a borrowed Thierry Mugler dress from a video shoot with a substance on it that looked like … man juice. I don’t want to know the specific details. Or why the dry-cleaning bill added up to $500. [New York Post]…

Jessica Wakeman / May 1, 2013

You’ve Hit Rock Bottom When A Semen-Filled Squirt Gun Is Your Weapon Of Choice

Twenty-one-year old Eric Michael Miller of Bellingham, WA has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for burglarizing a home and shooting one of its habitant with a semen-filled squirt gun.
Natch, this sperm shooting was all for drug money. There are always drugs involved. According to court records, Miller and two unidentified men broke…

Ami Angelowicz / March 23, 2013

Chinese Woman Applies Moisturizer, Discovers It’s Actually Semen

Oh, is it a WORST NIGHTMARE kind of day? I think it must be, because this is (one of) my actual worst nightmare(s) (I’m neurotic as hell, what can I say): a 19-year-old Chinese woman cracked open a bottle of moisturizer and used much of the contents to, you know, moisturize her face, like womenz…

Rachel Krause / March 7, 2013

Art School Confiscates 68 Vials Of Student’s Sperm

Are you eating? Because I can’t ask you to read a blog post about an art student who stored 68 vials of his own sperm in a school fridge without making sure.

Marc Bradley Johnson, 23, who attends the School of Visual Arts in New York City, planned an exhibition called “Take Thi…

Jessica Wakeman / March 3, 2013

10 Surprising Health Benefits Of … Semen?

A study recently published by Dutch psychologists showed that when women are sexually aroused, their disgust tolerance increases — not just regarding sex, but across the board.
In the study, the aroused group of women were less disgusted when asked to touch a “bloody” bone (actually it was red ink) or put their hands in a… / October 16, 2012

6 (More) Uses For Sperm

We know that sperm’s primary function to make babies happen. But this miracle juice is more multi-faceted than we suspected. According to some new research done by SUNY-Albany psychologist, Gordon Gallup, semen may simultaneously be the cause and the cure for morning sickness in pregnant women. Because half of the fetus’ DNA comes from the…

Ami Angelowicz / July 12, 2012

Hero Of The Week: City Councilwoman Loretta Walsh Proposes Bill Forbidding Men From Destroying Semen

Wilmington City Councilwoman Loretta Walsh was fed up with the recent spate of fetal personhood bills, which aim to declare that a woman’s fertilized egg is somehow the same as a “person.” So she decided to challenge those bills by introducing one of her own — a resolution to recognize the sacred life present i…

Julie Gerstein / March 7, 2012

Perv Pleads Guilty To Handing Out Semen-Tainted Yogurt

Anthony Garcia of Albuquerque, New Mexico, plead guilty on Thursday to handing out yogurt samples at Sunflower Market in January with an extra-special ingredient. Extra-extra special, if you know what I mean.

Jessica Wakeman / October 10, 2011

Horse Semen, Anyone?

Holhoi tattea shots are all the rage at the Green Man Pub in New Zealand. For a mere $25 per shot glass, ladies are coming in droves to throw them back like champs. So what is holhoi tattea you ask? Oh, it’s just apple-flavored horse semen which supposedly tastes a little bit “like custard.” (Hold…

Amelia McDonell-Parry / July 1, 2011

Come And Get These Sperm Jeans!

One of my biggest fashion pet peeves are what Stacy London and Clinton Kelly of “What Not to Wear” call “fancy jeans.” That’s any pair of jeans that are bedazzled, painted, embellished, or appliqued in any way. I find “fancy jeans” offensive. But these “cum wad pants” take “fancy” to a whole new level. WHO

Ami Angelowicz / February 28, 2011

Update: Did The Yogurt Come Back Positive For Semen?

Oh thank god. There’s been an update in the case of the yogurt that tastes like semen. A couple weeks ago, I told you about the 28-year-old Albuquerque woman who said the yogurt sample she was given at her local grocery store tasted like “bodily fluids.” In fact, in her statement to police she said,…

Amelia McDonell-Parry / February 9, 2011

Woman Claims Yogurt Sample Tasted Like Semen

Hello. Are you eating? Maybe stop for a second. Especially if you are eating yogurt. So, a woman in Albuquerque, New Mexico, called the police because she said a yogurt sample she was given at her local grocery store “tasted like bodily fluids” aka semen. Police arrested Sunflower Market employee Anthony Garcia, 31, on outstanding…

Amelia McDonell-Parry / January 28, 2011

Nude Photo Leaked Of Ke$ha Covered In, Um, Masculine Essence

Satisfied with the devil’s handiwork he accomplished with poor Miley, Perez Hilton has moved on to his next victim: Ke$ha. Perez just posted a nude photo of Ke$ha allegedly covered in, shall we say, ambrosia of man. I took out my spectacles and I don’t see a single thing on her: She just looks like…

Jessica Wakeman / July 7, 2010