A few months ago, I made a 100-point boyfriend checklist, and while some of the desired qualities listed were a little tongue in cheek, I was dead serious about wanting to find a man who would wipe his cum off me with a warm, wet washcloth. See, after years and years of being cleaned up by men clutching wads of cheap toilet paper, worn-out, dry washcloths, or, god forbid, MY OWN SILK SHIRT, the man for me will have the sense to wonder, Hmm, what would be the most pleasant manner of wiping away my splooge from the skin of the gorgeous woman I just made love to? Because any guy who did would not — would not – reach for the dirty sock on their floor. It’s up to you, fellas, what kind of guy you want to be, but for reference’s sake, here is the hierarchy of cum rags, in infographic form, according to me. You are so welcome.
On the subject of James Franco, I have learned not to ask questions. For clarification: how many questions? None. Zero questions. Just go along with it. The provocative Mind of Franco has developed a new “work” (??) called “50 Shades of Batman and Robin,” which presumably involves elements of both the “50 Shades” series and its S&M connotations and the beloved DC Comics superheroes Batman & Robin. The artist introduced his latest release on Facebook today in the form of two images. The first, depicting a shirtless man (likely Franco himself) and his nipples in a Batman costume and bondage restraints, is fairly tame by Franco standards. But the second photo … well, it’s a lot. Or a load, rather. Keep reading »
In what was potentially an all time low for Walmart shoppers, one man decided that the best way to tell a woman that she was attractive was to throw bodily fluids at her. A Delaware police report obtained by The Smoking Gun states that Frank J. Short first walked past the victim and said, “Excuse me.” The 20-year-old victim “suddenly felt something wet on her buttocks, thigh, and leg.” At first she figured he had sneezed or coughed on her, but she soon found a “gooey glob” of something below her knee. This is what led her to believe that the fluid may have been semen. Ewww, please, no. Keep reading »
Twenty-one-year old Eric Michael Miller of Bellingham, WA has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for burglarizing a home and shooting one of its habitant with a semen-filled squirt gun.
Natch, this sperm shooting was all for drug money. There are always drugs involved. According to court records, Miller and two unidentified men broke into the home looking for a man who owed him money, but found the man’s roommate instead, asleep on the couch. The unlucky bastard.
Miller and his sidekicks held the man at knifepoint, beat him with a real gun, at which point Miller whipped out his semen gun and squirted the man in the face, saying, “Now you’re like the rest of my bleep, covered in semen.”
Okay, I must stop writing now because I’m feeling sicksies. [GeekOSystem]
Are you eating? Because I can’t ask you to read a blog post about an art student who stored 68 vials of his own sperm in a school fridge without making sure.
Marc Bradley Johnson, 23, who attends the School of Visual Arts in New York City, planned an exhibition called “Take This Sperm And Be Free Of Me,” displaying 68 vials of his own spunk in a fridge, which he “harvested” himself, that visitors could take home. The jizz was meant to represent “creation, parenting, desire, masculinity, fantasy and reality.” He even agreed to microwave the sperm vials to kill off pathogens (and, bonus, achieve that freshly-harvested feeling of warmth!). Keep reading »
A study recently published by Dutch psychologists showed that when women are sexually aroused, their disgust tolerance increases — not just regarding sex, but across the board.
In the study, the aroused group of women were less disgusted when asked to touch a “bloody” bone (actually it was red ink) or put their hands in a bowl of allegedly used condoms (which were actually not used, but covered in lubricant). The study also contained two other groups of women who were not aroused.
This study makes lots of sense to me. In my clinical practice, I am always looking for ways to help women reduce their aversions to certain sexual acts or bodily fluids. As shown in the study, if they are able to become aroused, they need less assistance. Unfortunately, for the the women I treat, the flames of passion are all too often extinguished. Read more…
We know that sperm’s primary function to make babies happen. But this miracle juice is more multi-faceted than we suspected. According to some new research done by SUNY-Albany psychologist, Gordon Gallup, semen may simultaneously be the cause and the cure for morning sickness in pregnant women. Because half of the fetus’ DNA comes from the father, the mother’s body may initially treat the organism as foreign tissue or an infection. This response triggers the symptoms of morning sickness. “The best cure for this type of sickness,” says Gallup, “Is, strangely enough, the same thing as its cause. The more exposure a woman has to her partner’s semen—that is to say, the more often she’s inseminated prior to conception and during the early stages of the pregnancy—the more tolerance her body develops to his genetic material.”
You heard it. Miracle of miracles! Sperm may cure your morning sickness. Click onward for more hidden talents of the incredible, edible sperm. [Slate]
Wilmington City Councilwoman Loretta Walsh was fed up with the recent spate of fetal personhood bills, which aim to declare that a woman’s fertilized egg is somehow the same as a “person.” So she decided to challenge those bills by introducing one of her own — a resolution to recognize the sacred life present in each sperm. Walsh drafted a resolution aimed at making it illegal for men to waste sperm. According to the language of the resolution:
[E]ach ‘egg person’ and each ‘sperm person’ should be deemed equal in the eyes of the government and be subject to the same laws and regulations as any other dependent minor and be protected against abuse, neglect or abandonment by the parent or guardian.
Keep reading »
Anthony Garcia of Albuquerque, New Mexico, plead guilty on Thursday to handing out yogurt samples at Sunflower Market in January with an extra-special ingredient. Extra-extra special, if you know what I mean. Keep reading »