File this one under “Things I Had To Check Weren’t A Clickhole Post First”: hospitals in China have machines to extract sperm. The hands-free gizmos are used by urology departments to manually pump out semen through a “massage pipe” when extracting it the, ummm, normal way doesn’t work anymore. Apparently it is used for sperm donation? I dunno, the sperm extractor looks unappealingly antiseptic and clinical to me (video is SFW), although I guess it’s not much different than a Fleshlight. Pity the poor urological nurse in charge of clean up! [IFL Science]
A few months ago, I made a 100-point boyfriend checklist, and while some of the desired qualities listed were a little tongue in cheek, I was dead serious about wanting to find a man who would wipe his cum off me with a warm, wet washcloth. See, after years and years of being cleaned up by men clutching wads of cheap toilet paper, worn-out, dry washcloths, or, god forbid, MY OWN SILK SHIRT, the man for me will have the sense to wonder, Hmm, what would be the most pleasant manner of wiping away my splooge from the skin of the gorgeous woman I just made love to? Because any guy who did would not — would not – reach for the dirty sock on their floor. It’s up to you, fellas, what kind of guy you want to be, but for reference’s sake, here is the hierarchy of cum rags, in infographic form, according to me. You are so welcome.
On the subject of James Franco, I have learned not to ask questions. For clarification: how many questions? None. Zero questions. Just go along with it. The provocative Mind of Franco has developed a new “work” (??) called “50 Shades of Batman and Robin,” which presumably involves elements of both the “50 Shades” series and its S&M connotations and the beloved DC Comics superheroes Batman & Robin. The artist introduced his latest release on Facebook today in the form of two images. The first, depicting a shirtless man (likely Franco himself) and his nipples in a Batman costume and bondage restraints, is fairly tame by Franco standards. But the second photo … well, it’s a lot. Or a load, rather. Keep reading »
In what was potentially an all time low for Walmart shoppers, one man decided that the best way to tell a woman that she was attractive was to throw bodily fluids at her. A Delaware police report obtained by The Smoking Gun states that Frank J. Short first walked past the victim and said, “Excuse me.” The 20-year-old victim “suddenly felt something wet on her buttocks, thigh, and leg.” At first she figured he had sneezed or coughed on her, but she soon found a “gooey glob” of something below her knee. This is what led her to believe that the fluid may have been semen. Ewww, please, no. Keep reading »
Twenty-one-year old Eric Michael Miller of Bellingham, WA has been sentenced to 18 months in prison for burglarizing a home and shooting one of its habitant with a semen-filled squirt gun.
Natch, this sperm shooting was all for drug money. There are always drugs involved. According to court records, Miller and two unidentified men broke into the home looking for a man who owed him money, but found the man’s roommate instead, asleep on the couch. The unlucky bastard.
Miller and his sidekicks held the man at knifepoint, beat him with a real gun, at which point Miller whipped out his semen gun and squirted the man in the face, saying, “Now you’re like the rest of my bleep, covered in semen.”
Okay, I must stop writing now because I’m feeling sicksies. [GeekOSystem]