You know those T-shirts that say “Blondes Have More Fun”? They make me sort of wistful. For a hefty portion of my life, being blonde was a significant part of my identity, one that was hard to give up. I was born blonde and remained naturally so until junior high, when my hair started to darken with puberty. That’s when I took to the bottle—the bottle of peroxide that is. I associated being blonde with being pretty, feminine, and fun. In junior high I did not feel particularly pretty, feminine, OR fun, but I really wanted to be, so dying my hair—lighter ... and lighter ... and lighter—was my way of grasping for those qualities.

You’ll never see a dude turn to another dude and ask, “Do I look fat in these pants?” But that doesn’t mean men are invulnerable to insecurities, no matter how much we’d like to think so. Women are upfront about their fears, doubts, and self-esteem. I used to think it was just compulsive gabbiness, a quirk of the fairer sex. But, in fact, it is an admirable coping mechanism that’s even a little bit courageous. That said, I’ll sack up and admit that I’ve spent a lot of my life feeling like a fatty, a chubasaurus, half-man and half-marshmallow.

We’ve all been there: casually strolling through the self help section of Barnes & Noble trying not to make eye contact with anybody. But maybe you can save yourself the awkwardness: a Canadian study has found that if a person’s self-esteem is already in the toilet, reciting positive self-help mantras are useless. In fact, they could actually make you feel worse!

Tyra tackled the issue of black women and girls hating their natural hair and examined the lengths they go to straighten it. I found it extremely sad that a six-year-old girl could hate herself so much at such a young age and has already figured out that she doesn’t fit the beauty ideal. I wonder if/when she’ll start hating her skin color, too. The idea that straight, silky hair is better than kinky hair is nothing new in the black community. In fact, Chris Rock’s “Good Hair” documentary examined it, too.

In “I’m Fat, So?!” last week, I totally dissed The Sun’s ridiculously stupid “Big Girl’s Guide To Sex.”  It was full of backwards tips about how to look thin, as if skinny always equals attractive. But seriously, YAY for all the supportive comments from you lovely Frisky readers about the post. And since, I smack talked the talk, now I’m going to walk the walk—or, rather, do the do!  Here are my very sexy tips on how to show your man that you like your body no matter your size, so he can return the favor.