Like many of you, I have long been curious about what kind of malarkey and tomfoolery is going on inside the cult Church of Scientology. What’s up with the uniforms? The audits with the weird metal rods? Xenu? And most importantly … is Tom Cruise really an extra-terrestrial? I’ve often found myself tempted to sneak inside a Scientology center with a hidden mic and snoop around like Nancy Drew, but my fear of alien abduction is far too strong. Well, no need to wonder anymore. Marc Headly, a former insider at the church, has written a tell-all book, called Blown for Good, about his 15 years of work with Scientology. And folks … you can’t handle the truth.

This weekend, “Nightline” ran a special on everyone’s favorite topic, the insanity of the Church of Scientology. The whole thing was actually pretty boring. (Martin Bashir interviews drive me crazy. Why does he insist on doing the crinkled brow, “I’m really listening to you” thing, followed by repeating what the person just said with faux shock?) Until minute 3:40 of the clip above, where Bashir asks Scientology mouthpiece Tommy Davis (who runs the Celebrity Centre in Hollywood), “Do you believe that a galactic emperor named Xenu brought his people to earth 75 million years ago and buried them in volcanoes?” Davis gets upset. “I am not going to discuss disgusting perversions of Scientology beliefs that can be found commonly on the internet ... If you’re gonna ask me about volcanoes and this kind of thing, I will stand up and walk out.” Which he then does, dramatically throwing off his mic. But wait, I find it interesting that, out of all the nuttiness in that question, he found the part about volcanoes the most insulting? I so don’t get this “religion.” [Gawker]

For as long as John Travolta has been a Scientologist, the media has been making fun of him. But the jokes grew bitter six months ago when Travolta’s only son, Jett, died. The 16-year-old, who was believed to be autistic and allegedly wasn’t treated because his religion did not allow it, died of a seizure. This devastating blow no doubt changed how the Travoltas think about the church. Rick Ross, an author and lecturer on Scientology told The Daily Mail that, “There have been strong rumors coming out of Scientology that John Travolta is disappointed that the religion was not able to help his son more ... It’s led him to question his faith.”

For a long time, I was certain the artist formerly known as Prince (or is he Prince again? I get confused) was an alien. Turns out, he’s just a Jehovah’s Witness. After a lifetime of sexy dancing, the 50-something-year-old is in need of a double hip replacement, trading in his raspberry beret for a diamond-encrusted cane. But alas his highness has refused the surgery, citing his religious beliefs as his reason. Evidently, Jehovah’s Witnesses aren’t down with blood transfusions. [Celebitchy] — Or maybe he doesn’t want the doctors to discover his true alien identity? Hmmm.

After the jump, more celebs who have weird…er…unique views on medicine.

Tom Cruise is no longer a Hollywood idol. The paparazzi love following him and we enjoy watching his crazy interviews. But I can’t remember the last time I saw one of his new releases. His overworked publicity team has noticed that few non-Scientology people respect Cruise anymore, so they’re trying to improve his “screen-idol status.” After the jump, find out what features the New and Improved Tom Cruise will have.

Mega movie star and big time Scientology devotee, Tom Cruise, is on “The View” tomorrow in a pre-taped segment in which he discusses Jett Travolta’s recent death and the interest in whether Scientology was a contributing factor. In the preview clip above, Cruise gets choked up. Tune in tomorrow at 11am to watch the full episode of “The View.”

As I’m sure you’ve already read, John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s 16-year-old son, Jett, died on Friday while the family was vacationing in the Bahamas. Over the weekend, more details came out about the tragic news, though conclusive evidence on what exactly caused Jett’s death with only come after an autopsy is performed today. But here is what we do know:

What if Katie Holmes posted homemade videos about her life on YouTube and gave the world a look inside one of the more mysterious marriages in Hollywood? That’s what the chick behind Don’tCallMeJoey has in mind when she films herself impersonating the former Dawson’s Creek star and wife of Tom Cruise—her resemblance to the actress is uncanny, as are her vocal inflections, and the result is hilarious. Check out the clip of “Katie” drunk, above, as well as others on her YouTube page.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ little bundle of joy seems to be sporting a lighter look for Spring. [Babble]

According to Star magazine, Tom Cruise really, really, really didn’t want wife Katie Holmes going to New York for three months to perform on Broadway—so he sent her to Scientology’s base in Hemet, California (known as “Gold Base”) for boot camp instead. So not as fun, right? Check out what that entailed:

“It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes,” a Scientology insider reveals. “Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels.”

But we’re sure all is well in the Cruise household. And if anyone is going to prove that to the entire friggin’ world with more couch-jumping antics, it’s Cruise, who appears on Oprah today. Our DVRs are SET. Stay tuned! [Star]

Did you know that today is Couple Appreciation Day? We didn’t either, until, like, three hours ago.