Over the years, I’ve made a commitment to helping you get laid. And if you followed the advice in those articles, you’re probably having some trouble reading this one because the writhing mass of naked bodies you’re currently tangled up in won’t hold still. So you’ve got the hot, meaningless sex part down, but studies show that young people are still more interested in relationships than hookups, and, despite the sky-high divorce rate, the vast majority of people still want to get married one day.
You’re Looking For A Soul Mate: While your grandmother probably prayed that her future husband would be a caring father or know how to raise a barn or just be a supernatural hump machine (pausing to let that image sink in), these days it seems everyone is hoping to find their “soul mate.” And while it may sound romantic, in reality trying to find your soul mate can lead to The Last Airbender levels of disappointment. Read more on Cracked…
Obviously, life in outer space would be no vacation — you’re out there braving the final frontier, battling meteors and malfunctioning airlocks, and knowing you’ll die horribly in the abyss of space if some tiny thing goes amiss. But that’s what’s so awesome about it — it’s an adventure, baby! And you’re doing it all in goddamned outer space!
But actually, the hardest part about life on a space station or moon base is a whole bunch of little everyday annoyances that will make your life a living hell, and not in an awesome way. Read more at Cracked…
Gender stereotypes: let’s pretend, for a moment, that they exist for a reason, reason being that they are sometimes (sometimes) applicable. The largest analysis ever undertaken of words we use on Facebook, a socio-linguistic study published by researchers from the University of Pennsylvania and Cambridge University, produced “strong results” emerging from the analysis aligning with “past studies of gender.” It’s up to the individual to draw their own conclusion from what is presented in front of them, and that conclusion may very well be, “holy shit, we are all just horrible boilerplate human Internet stereotypes.” It’s really up to you. Check out the full image, after the jump … [Gawker] Keep reading »
I have been achingly cool for almost as long as I can remember, but circa fifth and sixth grade was the absolute low point of my coolness. I know it’s hard to imagine, but I was really, really lame — I’m talking Hot Topic wardrobe, greasy hair, Transitions lenses … it was a rough couple of years. I was weird, and nobody wanted to middle school date me at a time when everyone was middle school dating, and I felt like a total loser. SUCH a loser! But a new study found that early-starting kids who began “dating” at an average age of 11.6 years were reported twice as likely to engage in abnormal or delinquent behavior as on-time (about 12.9 years) adolescents and late bloomers (14.9, holllllller), so maybe I’m better for it? Just kidding, I also engaged in these behaviors myself, but I am a scientific anomaly and also not a part of this study.
My real question is, what is this “dating” at age 11.6? I have no firsthand account, so I can only imagine it is limited to the awkward conversations across hallways and uncomfortable, clammy “hand-holding” that I served only witness to. Are these children allowed at one another’s homes? Don’t these kids have parents? Speaking of parents: parents, do not EVER purchase Transitions lenses for your school-aged children. Do you know what they call that? They call that FATES WORSE THAN DEATH. Social suicide, I’m telling you. [Gawker]
[Photo of happy smiling kids via Shutterstock]
Dying patients could someday receive a 3D-printed organ made from their own cells rather than wait on long lists for the short supply of organ transplants. Such a futuristic dream remains far from reality, but university labs and private companies have already taken the first careful steps by using 3D-printing technology to build tiny chunks of organs. Read more at Huffington Post…
Do you spend all of your free time lounging in bed? Have you always wanted to be an astronaut but are afraid of heights? Would you like to use your formidable napping skills to serve your country? Oh boy, does NASA have a job for you! The space exploration agency is planning a study to measure the effects of microgravity on the human body, and their methods are shockingly relaxing: they need people to lie in bed for 70 days. During this period, research subjects are welcome to read, sleep, play games, watch movies, videochat with friends, and even work remotely. They will be paid $18,000 for their time. The catch? You really, truly can’t leave the bed for the entirety of the study, and your mattress will be tilted head-down at a six-degree angle. That angle might not seem like a big deal, but it’s enough to shift your bodily fluids to the upper parts of your body and cause a cardiovascular reaction similar to what non-bedridden astronauts experience in space.
Think you’re up for the challenge? You’ll need to undergo a full Air Force physical and comprehensive psychological examination. “We want to make sure we select people who are mentally ready to spend 70 days in bed,” senior scientist Dr. Roni Cromwell told Forbes, seemingly unaware of the existence of Netflix. “Not every type of person can tolerate an extended time in bed.” If you believe your lounging skills are up to NASA’s standards, you can apply here. Godspeed. [Outside] [Photo of woman in bed via Shutterstock]
Science is full of surprises, that much is true, but I can’t say that this would be one of them. The latest installment in an ongoing series of studies continues to offer increasing evidence suggesting that more intelligent children, who develop language and intellectual skills earlier than others, are more likely to drink and take drugs than their less intelligent peers. Keep reading »
Anyone who’s ever had their heart broken can tell you that shit hurts way more deeply and intensely than a stubbed toe or sprained ankle. This video by AsapScience explains the various scientific factors (Brain activity! Evolution!) that come together to create the very real pain of heartbreak. Fascinating stuff. Next I’m looking forward to science proving that a pint of Ben & Jerry’s is the one true cure, because based on my extensive field work, it totally is. [YouTube via Laughing Squid]
You’d think that by now, we as a species would have pretty much figured out sex, what with Hollywood and the Internet constantly pumping us full of messages on the subject — and we all know that if there are two things that can be universally trusted, those two things are Hollywood and the Internet. Read more at Cracked…