Perhaps North Dakota woman Nicole Altendorf was trying to supplement the sex education unit at the local elementary school when she broadcast a porno out the window of her home for all the kiddies to see. As you can imagine, parents, teachers and authorities were less than orgasmic about Nicole’s feature presentation. When the police arrived at her sex den this past Friday, 37-year-old Nicole allegedly bit, spit and kicked an officer in his junk to avoid arrest. Nice judgment, Nicole! But wait! As surprising as it may be, there was also drug paraphernalia found at her house. She may be looking at felony charges of assault, contact by bodily fluids, preventing arrest, and misdemeanor charges of possession of drug paraphernalia and disorderly conduct. But I think the real tragedy here is that she won’t be to be invited to speak at Career Day this year. Now the kids will miss learning about a day in the life of a drug-addicted sex addict—a profession in high demand. [AOL]

In high school, I begged my guidance counselor to switch my schedule just so I could get the hottest, most aptly named English teacher: Mr. Johnson.  He had curly ringlets, the cutest butt, a blue convertible, and liked to read poetry aloud to us.  Mr. Johnson was so irresistible, there was a rumor going around school that he had knocked up a former student, but really, it was because we all wanted to be his baby.  Sigh, although I never acted on my illegal impulse, now that it’s Back To School time, we here at The Frisky would like to pay homage to the teachers that taught us the book of love.  So, here are our Top 5 Songs About Sexy Teachers:

5. “I wanna learn all your lips can teach me/One kiss will do at the start/I’m sure with a little homework/I’ll graduate to your heart.” —“Teacher’s Pet”, Doris Day
In most classroom cases, “pet” is a noun and not a verb because that would be illegal, but luckily Doris Day and her co-star Clark Gable were both of age to misbehave.  The title track to their classic ‘50s rom-com of the same name, Ms. Day is actually singing this song about her own professor character. Although, we’d all be happy to let Mr. Gable teach us a lesson or two.

If I could still do a cartwheel without hurting myself, I would.  Just watching Shawn Johnson do those amazing gymnastic-tastic moves at the Olympics made me hearken back to a time when I would spend recess walking on my hands without worrying that my shirt was covering my face instead of my mosquito bites.  Sigh, those were the days. But sadly, a grade school in Australia has banned “dangerous” cartwheels and handstands in an attempt to avoid injuries. Needless to say, parents are baffled and kids are bummed.  What’s next: banning writing because it could cause carpal tunnel? Outlawing hopscotch because you could sprain your ankle?

Don’t these giant cement blocks remind you of the walls in your elementary school gym? I wonder if anyone got a detention for drawing this…

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com.