Very Important Question: if former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, who resigned amidst a prostitution scandal, is the “Luv Guv,” what will we call the current governor, David Paterson, if the rumors that he’s cheating on his wife are true?

On Jan. 18, gossip column Page Six reported that two eyewitnesses had seen Paterson canoodling with family friend, Jennifer Jones, and kissing her neck at a New Jersey steak house. Then, on Jan. 30, Page Six dropped another bombshell: A state trooper patrolling the governor’s executive mansion claimed to have caught Paterson “snuggling” in a utility closet with a woman who was not his wife.

Alas, we may never have to think of a nickname more than “Luv Guv #2.” Gov. Paterson met with the Associated Press yesterday and vehemently denied all allegations against him. “For the last couple of weeks, I have been the subject of ... a spate of outrageous rumors about me,” Paterson griped, slamming the media as “callous and sleazy.”

Brazil carnival often has an anything-goes kind of attitude, but the naming of a 7-year-old to the coveted role of drum corps queen is causing controversy this year. Julia Lira has been appointed to the duty, usually reserved for barely-dressed models, by her father Marco Lira, who is the president of Viradouro samba group. If he gets his way, Julia will samba for 80 minutes in the Rio de Janeiro heat as she leads the Viradouro drummers down the parade route. A judge is now considering whether to allow her participation. And a children’s rights group says she’s too young for the role, especially in a country where sexual exploitation of children is a major problem. At the heart of the controversy is the queen’s traditionally sexy function: She is a sensual muse who causes the drummers to beat harder and faster with every rhythmic swing of her hips. The queen’s chest is usually covered, unlike most of the other participants, but her costume is nowhere near demure. However, an artistic director for Viradouro says Julia’s costume will be appropriate for a child, and the group won’t explore any sensuality. Julia lit up when she made a presentation to the former drum corps queen in a rehearsal, and said, “I’m happy because I like to dance,” when asked why she wanted the title. [New York Post]

What you’re looking at is the cover of Sports Illustrated‘s special Olympic preview issue. The cover model is 25-year-old Olympic hopeful Lindsey Vonn, an alpine ski racer who is the first woman to have won the World Cup back-to-back. While her wins are typically what grab headlines, now it’s this image, one which some people, many of them women, are saying sexually objectifies this female athlete. According to Dr. Nicole M. LaVoi, writing on Women Talk Sports, women rarely appear on the cover of SI, and when they do, it’s typically as a sex object (see: the swimsuit issue). Writes Dr. LaVoi: “When females are featured on the cover of SI, they are more likely than not to be in sexualized poses and not in action—and the most recent Vonn cover is no exception.” So, does Vonn’s cover depict a skier racing down a hill—or an attractive young woman sticking her posterior provocatively in the air? As Chris Chase points out on Yahoo! Sports, the 1992 edition featured downhill racer A.J. Kitt (a man) with his butt in the air, and no one complained that he was being objectified. What’s the deal? Sounds like it’s OK to objectify men, but not women. Double standard, anyone? [Yahoo! Sports]

A whole lot is going on in Tiger‘s neck of the woods today. After the jump, the latest news—from him checking out of sex rehab to the latest sexts to make their way into the public eye.

John Edwards should have known better than to let his videographer/lovah bring her camera into the bedroom. Andrew Young—the former Edwards’ staffer who originally took the fall for having the affair with Hunter—described finding the tape in Rielle Hunter’s trash in his book and he’ll be appearing on “Nightline” and “20/20” tonight to describe exactly what was on it. Hunter is in court as we speak, trying to get a restraining order for the tape to be kept under wraps. If she doesn’t, who knows what could happen? Let’s just say that more than a few people would be interested in watching.

While politicians make sex tapes with far less frequency than Hollywood folk or rock stars (or maybe they’re just better at keeping them a secret?), Edwards is hardly the first to find himself in this situation. After the jump, a history of politicians and their naughty tapes.

Ruh-roh. Rielle Hunter has gone to court to suppress “a personal video recording that depicted matters of a very private and personal nature.” The alleged video recording is in the possession of Andrew and Cheri Young. Mr. Young was Edwards’ long-time assistant, and he gave an interview with ABC News describing what was on the tape he found in Edwards’ trash can. Though he never saw her face in the video, he described the woman as “visibly pregnant” and “wearing a bracelet” and a “thumb ring” resembling those often worn by Rielle Hunter. Thumb ring? Really? Eww. [ABC News]

Turns out that People got it right this week—Elizabeth Edwards has, in fact, reached her breaking point and is ditching her philandering hubby of 32 years. Yesterday, a spokesperson for Elizabeth confirmed that she is “moving on with her life after a excruciatingly painful period.” John has confirmed the story, too. He says, “It is an extraordinarily sad moment, but I love my children more than anything and still care deeply about Elizabeth.” Elizabeth is staying in the couple’s house, while John is shuffling between their beach home and an annex to the family house they refer to as “the barn.” She’s supposedly had divorce papers drawn up for more than a year, but just recently decided to move forward with the process. According to some reports, the final straw for Elizabeth was meeting John’s love child, Quinn, who is now 2 years old. Others say that John made the decision. A friend told the magazine, “John feels like, ‘I can’t live with you checking my cell phone, asking who I was with, where I went. That’s not how I want to live the rest of my life.’ I think they realized she still doesn’t trust him.” Regardless of how or why the decision was made, it certainly sounds like a good one. [People, MSNBC]

And you thought you’d heard all the dirty details after John Edwards finally confessed that he is Rielle Hunter’s baby daddy. Au contraire! The Politician, the book by Andrew Young—who you know as the Edwards’ campaign staffer who initially said he was the one doing the horizontal polka with Hunter, before it came out that Edwards was the culprit—comes out next week. NY Daily News has gotten its hands on a copy, and there are some serious zingers in there. For example ...

I grew up in a liberal town in the very un-liberal state of North Carolina. In 1998, when John Edwards busted on the scene and took down Republican stalwart Lauch Faircloth, Edwards instantly became a local hero. For years, I thought he and his wife Elizabeth were the bee’s knees—a loving couple who’d had hard times (the death of a child, her cancer battle) but were still dedicating their lives to making the country a better place. Of course, after the revelation of John Edwards’ affair and subsequent love child, my impression of the couple shifted drastically. But a new book, Game Change, by journalists John Heilemann and Mark Halperin—which delves not only into the Edwards’ lives but all the major political figures involved in the 2008 election from Obama to Palin—has completely squashed any teenage idolization I had left for the Edwards.

In a twist that we sort of saw coming but still can’t believe, John Edwards has admitted to fathering mistress Rielle Hunter‘s 22-month-old daughter, Quinn. Though he lied about being the child’s father throughout his presidential campaign and beyond, Edwards seems to have realized that he couldn’t fake a paternity test. Apparently he’s been paying child support for the last year, and Elizabeth has known about this for about as long. Oh what a tangled web you’ve woven, Mr. Edwards. [Today]

Ah, the interwebs and its wealth of possibilities for meeting that special someone. Many users of the site SeekingMillionaire.com thought they were flirting with Guess model Bree Condon (left)—but in reality, they were talking to a 24-year-old dude by the name of Justin Brown. For two years, Brown maintained a profile on the site and swindled rich guys into sending him gifts, by sharing nudey photos he created using his Photoshop skills. He never met one of these millionaires in person, obviously, but he did have long phone chats with them. “I’d been talking to this person for three months,” said John Carbona, a private investigator who was reeled in by Brown’s ruse but eventually realized that something was fishy. “I’m telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is talking through a voice synthesizer.” Carbona called the cops, who tracked down Brown and caught him with an iPhone and puppy purchased by one of the millionaire suitors. Others gave up heftier gifts—a Miami Beach doc evidently spent more than $15K on the fake Bree. Oopsies? [Huffington Post]

Ever since the golf balls hit the fan, Tiger Woods has been missing in action. No one has been able to confirm the dude’s location or been able to snap a photo of him. Conflicting reports have placed him in New York, Miami, on his yacht, in Africa, and in the Bahamas. But People believes that he is actually in Wickenburg, Arizona. A source tells them that Tiger is at The Meadows clinic, which specializes in rehab for drugs, alcohol, gambling and sex—yes, he’d be there for the latter. Some folks in the town claim to have seen Tiger fly in by helicopter before Christmas. But this source says he arrived closer to New Year’s and is in a four-to-five week program. “He should be out by Valentine’s Day or thereabouts,” the source claims. Meanwhile, the people of Wickenburg are happy to have Tiger in their midst. A local pizza parlor even has a sign in the window that reads, “Hey, Tiger, we deliver.” Aww. [People]

It always touches my heart when people support important, meaningful causes. So let’s all give a little golf clap for Jamie Jungers, one of Tiger Woods’ bedmates, who is getting involved with Mistresses Anonymous, a support group for ladies getting down with married men. The group is run by Sarah Symonds, who alleges that she did the no pants dance with chef Gordon Ramsay for seven years. On the group’s website, she writes, “I have been hearing from too many of you who have been ‘dumped’ when your MM’s [married man’s] wife found out about you (or when you told his wife about the affair yourself, as I did) and are breaking your hearts. Well, he is not worth it—and this is why I tell you NEVER fall in love with your married man.” Jamie obviously has a lot to say on this topic, and Symons thinks the two will team up on a project. But why stop there when the balance of the world is in your hands? “Ideally what I’d like to do is a TV special with all of Tiger’s mistresses, where they could discuss the downside to being ‘the other woman,’” Symonds said. “And whether he was good in bed.” Right, because that last part will certainly further the cause.

While newspapers and tabloids continue to eulogize Casey Johnson as the “fiancée of Tila Tequila,” one person is calling BS—Jasmine Lennard, a close friend of Casey’s and a one-time contest on the reality show “Make Me A Supermodel.” On her Twitter page, Jasmine wrote to Tila, “You NEVER even knew [Casey]. You have known her a total of one month and you took advantage of someone in her weakest moment. You enabled her death and prevented her getting the help she SO DESPERATELY needed for YOUR OWN selfish purposes ... You took advantage of a sick girl and YOU killed her.” [Huffington Post]

Now, Jasmine is not completely without fault in the sordid tale of Casey’s last few months. Just a month ago, Jasmine returned home from a trip and found her apartment trashed. She called the police, who arrested Casey for grand theft.

I’m kind of shocked it took someone 40 days to come up with this idea. Howard Stern is attempting to stage a beauty pageant for the assorted mistresses and flings of Tiger Woods. And he’s putting his money where his mouth is, offering up a $100K prize for the winner. None of the ladies have signed on yet, but if this happens, my bet is on Rachel Uchitel for the the evening gown competition. Though I predict porn star Holly Sampson will show everyone up in the talent round. This is Howard Stern we’re talking about, after all. [Newser]

Even before last night’s season premiere of “The Bachelor,” thanks to weeks of speculation and Chris Harrison’s loose lips, we knew that one of the contestants was—surprise!—getting down and dirty with a producer, right under Jake’s nose. Since we’re already sick of the aviation puns and can’t stand the thought of having to watch the full season to find out which girl did the naughty, let’s make some guesses, shall we? We know it’s not Michelle, the girl who doesn’t blink and had a meltdown when she didn’t get one-on-one time with Jake—she crazy, and what producer, if given the smorgasbord of female options, would choose her? And it probably isn’t Corrie, the virgin. So who are our best guesses?

What did you get for the holidays this year? Chances are, your gifts weren’t much compared to what Elin Nordegren found in her stocking. Supposedly, Tiger put a check for $300 million smackeroos in there, because nothing says “I’m sorry for having sex with half the women in America” quite like 300 times more cash than most human beings will ever make in their life. Still, friends don’t think the gesture swayed Elin much. “She’s 100% determined to split with Tiger,” a friend supposedly told News of the World. “When she boasted of the $300 million Christmas gift and then laughed, it was clear to everyone around her that she’s more focused than ever about moving on with her life.” While Elin skied the French Alps over the holiday with the kidlets, Tiger was ducking paparazzi in New York. So how does Elin know that the money didn’t come from Santa Claus? [NY Daily News]

We know, we know. It’s hard to keep all of Tiger Woods’ women straight. But some of his mistresses have more in common that just having slept with the same top golfer. Jamie Jungers and Jaimee Grubbs both have small piercings underneath their eyes. Apparently, the facial studs are called “micro-dermal anchoring” in the piercing business, or, more informally, the “anti-eyebrow.” Basically, an L-shaped stud is inserted into the area above the cheekbone, and a diamond is inserted into the protruding end. (Gag.) Since the scandal, one piercer reports that he hasn’t seen an uptick in requests—not like “what Christy Turlington and Naomi Campbell did for the navel piercing, or what Janet Jackson did for the nipple,” he offers. If the look takes off, maybe they’ll start calling it “The Wood”? [W]