Remember last week when we shared a deep thought from Levi Johnston‘s Twitter page, and Wednesday night when William Shatner did a dramatic reading of Levi’s tweets? Well, those words were not actually written by our favorite Alaskan hunk. That’s right, Levi has a Twitter imposter, just like Tina Fey and “Hour of Power” televangelist Robert H. Schuller. Levi’s lawyer is on the case—he’s demanding that Twitter take the page down and that Conan O’Brien, who introduced that William Shatner segment with the sentence “All real ... we did not make these up,” retract the segment. Sorry, I understand if you need a good cry now. [Huffington Post]

We have this really annoying habit as humans of thinking we’re invincible or that the one tragic thing that could happen in a situation won’t happen to us. Nowhere else is this more evident than with the drunk driver. Rarely does the driver set out to kill—he/she only wants to ride the high as they get from point A to B—but we know all too well that driving under the influence can kill.

And drunk drivers have been killing children recently in New York City. This month alone, three children have died as a result of riding in a vehicle driven by a woman allegedly under the influence.

Last week, the Huffington Post made our blood boil when they reported on a horrifying trend—that insurance companies are denying benefits for women who’ve been raped, and even dropping their coverage altogether. How can they get away with such a thing? Because, when a woman is raped and it’s unknown whether the assailant used a condom, doctors typically prescribe a month’s worth of an anti-HIV medication (which, uh, I didn’t even know existed) as a precaution. It’s extremely rare that a woman actually contracts HIV this way, but insurance companies view this as a morbid done deal. Susan Pisano, a spokeswoman for the health insurance industry’s largest trade group, America’s Health Insurance Plans, explains, “If you put down on a form that you are or were taking anti-HIV drugs at any time, [insurance companies] are going to understand that you are or were in treatment for HIV, period. That could be a factor in determining whether you get coverage.”

Last week, we told you the saga of ESPN baseball analyst and “Sunday Night Baseball” commentator Steve Phillips, who had a three-night stand with a production assistant and then ditched her, sending her into a tailspin of crazy, leaving notes for Phillips’ wife on his doorstep and befriending his teenage son via Facebook. Oh, but the plot thickens. Late last week, the NY Daily News discovered that Brooke Hundley, the girl in question, had actually filed a restraining order against Phillips, saying in the paperwork that that she was in “an immediate and present physical danger” and that Phillips said he “could easily get me fired” and would “ruin more than my reputation.” Yesterday, ESPN officially fired Phillips. They released a statement saying, “His ability to be an effective representative for ESPN has been significantly and irreparably damaged, and it became evident it was time to part ways.”

Some mean girls never grow up—they just get jobs in PR. Meet Ali Wise, age 32, a former party planner for Dolce & Gabbana who went bats**t with jealousy when her ex-boyfriend starting dating new women. She is facing charges from four women whose phones and voicemail she hacked into using a computer service called SpoofCard, all because they were dating her exes, Josh Deutsch, CEO of Downtown Records, and hotelier Jason Pomeranc. A friend of Wise told the NY Daily News she has used SpoofCard “forever to find out about her exes’ new girls. She hacks in to voicemails, MySpace and Facebook accounts, emails ... you name it.” Charges against this blonde bully include eavesdropping, computer trespassing, aggravated harassment and stalking. Ack! You sure don’t see this side of PR girls on The City ....

Oh, man. The drama of Steve Philips is kind of like David Letterman on crack, plus a stalker. Phillips, an ESPN baseball analyst and former general manager of the Mets, is a married man and father of four. Still, he schtupped a 22-year-old production assistant named Brooke Hundley at least three times over the summer. He apparently felt “meh” about her, but Hundley was under the impression they were meant to be together. And so she went CUH-RAZY with jealousy trying to expose the affair to Phillips’ wife.

How, how, have Jon and Kate Gosselin managed to milk a disintegrating marriage into months worth of drama that just won’t leave us alone? The latest in the debacle: TLC is suing Jon, saying that he’s used his concerns over his kidlets to wiggle out of his contract with the network. Their version of the story goes like this: They tried to contact Jon to let him know their intentions to change the show from “Jon and Kate Plus 8” to simply “Kate Plus 8,” but were unable to reach him before making the public announcement. The day the news broke, the production company received a call from Jon’s lawyer, giving them an hour to release him from his contractual agreement. When they refused, he went public saying that he thought filming the show through the divorce was detrimental to his kids’ health and filed paperwork barring filming from continuing. Basically, he gave them the ultimate middle finger.

Perhaps North Dakota woman Nicole Altendorf was trying to supplement the sex education unit at the local elementary school when she broadcast a porno out the window of her home for all the kiddies to see. As you can imagine, parents, teachers and authorities were less than orgasmic about Nicole’s feature presentation. When the police arrived at her sex den this past Friday, 37-year-old Nicole allegedly bit, spit and kicked an officer in his junk to avoid arrest. Nice judgment, Nicole! But wait! As surprising as it may be, there was also drug paraphernalia found at her house. She may be looking at felony charges of assault, contact by bodily fluids, preventing arrest, and misdemeanor charges of possession of drug paraphernalia and disorderly conduct. But I think the real tragedy here is that she won’t be to be invited to speak at Career Day this year. Now the kids will miss learning about a day in the life of a drug-addicted sex addict—a profession in high demand. [AOL]

This story makes me want to stand up and scream. And then sit down and scream a bit more. A justice of the peace in Louisiana named Keith Bardwell refused to issue a marriage license to Beth Humphrey, 30, and Terence McKay, 32, because they’re an interracial couple. Instead, he referred them to another justice of the peace, saying that, in his experience, interracial relationships don’t last. “I’m not a racist,” he told the local newspaper, explaining his actions. “I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children.” Um, maybe we should sit him down for a chat with Barack Obama? Luckily, lots of people are raising a stink about this and asking that Bardwell resign from his post. Ugh. And this is, supposedly, our post-racial world? [CNN]

Really, people? Or maybe I should say really, People? Kidnapped for 18 years, Jaycee Lee Dugard and her two children finally escaped their lives as prisoners of Phillip Garrido this August, much to the joy of the Dugard family. But not two months have passed before Jaycee is on the cover of People magazine.

Anna Nicole Smith was a lot of things, but she wasn’t, as far as the FBI is concerned, a murderer. It was recently divulged that, beginning in 2000, the FBI started investigating Smith after they kept hearing word that she was trying to off her dead husband’s son, E. Pierce Marshall. The two were in a drawn-out legal battle over the dead dude’s estate, which was worth about $550 million in 1992. Smith’s hubby was 89 when they got married and she was 26. He died about a year after the wedding. Sketchy, yes, but in the end, the FBI decided there was “insufficient evidence” against Anna. But they did find out a few head-scratching things ...

I see London, I see France, I’m gonna see what’s in Levi Johnston‘s underpants. He’s going to be taking it all off for Playgirl! Levi’s lawyer said yesterday it’s a “foregone conclusion” that he’ll pose for the mag and that the images will be online by the end of the year. He also revealed that Levi’s hired a personal trainer and is working out three hours a day, six days a week to get ready for the photo shoot. Though judging from photos we’ve already seen, maybe he doesn’t need that much work? [People]

Do you remember Tricia Walsh Smith, aka the “YouTube Wife”? Last year, she made a video rant (relive the glory, after the jump) about her husband that went viral, probably because she talked about their sexless marriage and called him out on his porn stashes. Tricia’s husband is the wealthy New York president of the Shubert Organization, Philip Smith, who hid a clause in her pre-nuptial agreement that stated he could give her a “notice of termination” and throw her out whenever he’d like. And that he did. Her video didn’t get Tricia any money in the divorce proceedings, but it caused the divorce judge to accuse her of orchestrating a “calculated and callous” campaign of harassment against her ex. Oops.

Well, Tricia is back, and now she’s made a frickin’ music video. The song sounds a bit like old Pet Shop Boys, and I’m psyched for the inevitable remixes. This is a preview of the musical she’s working on called “Incredibly Brilliant Play.” Someone get this woman an agent!

Police have finally arrested the man who allegedly filmed nude videos of ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews through a peephole in a hotel room. He’s an insurance agent named Michael David Barrett, 47, from Westmont, Ill., who appears to have no direct connection to Andrews. Police have charged him with interstate stalking after allegedly taping videos of Andrews walking around hotel rooms naked, trying to sell the videos to TMZ, and then posting them online. Classy guy!

Let the games begin! After the revelation on Friday that David Letterman was shtupping his intern/assistant Stephanie Birkitt, a second woman has come forward saying that she had a year-long affair with Dave. Holly Hester was an intern at the “Late Show” in the early ‘90s and says that everything started when Dave asked her to the movies. “I was madly in love with him at the time,” she told TMZ.com. “I would have married him. He was hilarious.” I wonder how many more women will step up, here? What is it about interns? Just that they’re young and less likely to make a stink with human resources?

Last night, David Letterman nipped an extortion plot in the bud and told his audience that some mysterious person was demanding $2 million to keep quiet evidence that he’d slept with women on his staff. What is it about David Letterman that attracts the crazies? First there was that plot to kidnap his son, then Joaquin Phoenix, and now this? Finally, we’re getting the details on who did the extorting. The main suspect is apparently Robert “Joe” Halderman, a “48 Hours” producer who’s been nominated for an Emmy. He was arrested and his job has been suspended. [Huffington Post]

But how did he know that Letterman had dallied with women on his staff? Because ... one of the women is his ex-girlfriend, Stephanie Birkitt. Birkitt interned at the “Late Show” in 1996 and later became Dave’s assistant. She appeared on the show multiple times, covering the Winter Olympics, interviewing “Survivor” cast-offs, and playing the character Vicki. Apparently, she and Letterman started doing the horizontal polka, though their affair supposedly ended before Letterman had a baby with his long-term girlfriend in 2003. Halderman either found out or was shown Birkitt’s diary entries, letters, and photos of Birkitt’s that proved she was banging Letterman.

We were pretty shocked when Mackenzie Phillips published a book revealing that she had a decade-long sexual relationship with her father, John Phillips of The Mamas and The Papas. But we were even more surprised when she defended it, saying she was raped initially but, later on, the acts were “consensual.” This whole thing sparked a huge debate about Genetic Sexual Attraction, or GSA. Genetic Sexual Attraction is an emotional and physical attraction between family members. The feelings often start after the two have been separated for a long time and, upon reuniting, find there is something, er, more between them. Most think it’s totes wrong but there is a vocal minority that says GSA is just misunderstood. I’ll present both sides, then you can tell us what you think!

What’s the best way to get press coverage before an election? A scandal, of course! Take, for example, East Cleveland Mayor Eric Brewer, who has been blowing up since photos of him in drag surfaced on the web. What a coincidence that it’s just days before his primary election! While Brewer won’t confirm that the photos are actually of him (umm ... they look exactly like him), he kind of gives himself away saying, “You need a sex scandal to get to the next level.” Maybe he’ll be running on the ticket as Erica Brewer? [BuzzFeed]

John Edwards, step aside with your little scandal. After the jump, some more shady mayors.

After years of watching political wives stand by their man when their men had not only not stood by them but lay down with other women, Jenny Sanford was a breath of fresh air. After hearing about her husband’s dalliances with an Argentine mistress (and his adoration of her tan lines), Jenny tried to forgive her husband. “But we reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong,” she said in a statement. “I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.” It’s a decision she’s stuck by. Now Jenny will be writing a memoir about her experience, to be published next May by Ballantine Books. Of the book, Jenny says, “I would like to show others how important it is to stand firm on one’s principles, stay true to oneself, and respond with grace and honesty to whatever hurdles may come.” The best part of this news? That Mark Sanford had a book in the works which his publisher nixed when the affair scandal broke. Oops. [Galleycat]