Valentine’s Day is coming! And with it the usual traditions that include an outrageous price hike in roses, an outrageous price hike in restaurant dining, and the well-timed rom-com. The role of the latter belongs to a flick to be released on Feb. 12, “Valentine’s Day.” (What a clever title, eh?)

I can’t even remember what number we are up to in the Tiger Woods mistress department. But this one is a doozy. Theresa Rogers, 48, claims that not only did she spend five years making holes-in-one with Tiger, but she also told friends that he is the father of her baby. Here’s the alleged story: At the time of their affair, Theresa was married to fashion designer Wayne Rogers (her fourth husband, by the way), who was unable to have tots. So he didn’t mind her sleeping with Tiger, and according to friends, she was actively trying to get pregnant by him. When the pregnancy test showed a plus sign, she told a friend she believed the baby was Tiger’s, even though she was supposedly doing a Serbian basketball player around the same time. Rogers has hired Gloria Allred as her lawyer, the same lady handling Rachel Uchitel‘s case, and according to RadarOnline.com, she is seeking a pay-out of $3 million. A nice present for Tiger for the holidays, no? Especially since his wife, Elin Nordegren, and children are en route to Sweden without him. And, uh, she’s consulting with a big-time divorce attorney. [RadarOnline.com]

In the sea of black skirts and gray overcoats at The Tomb of The Unknown Soldier, where our prez participated in a Veterans Day memorial, the Mrs. popped in robin’s egg blue. While her hubby laid a wreath in honor of America’s fallen heroes, Michelle Obama stood aside in her Maria Pinto teal sheath dress, color-coordinated J. Crew trench, and a perforated black waist belt. While we winced at her decision to repeat the same ensemble she wore to the 2008 Democratic National Convention, some onlookers are pretending to be all outraged by the first lady’s not-quite-mournful color palette. What do you think: fashion hit, major miss or completely ridiculous faux scandal? [Examiner]

In 1977, director Roman Polanski was at Jack Nicholson’s house in Hollywood during a photo shoot. He met a young model named Samantha Geimer, who was only 13 at the time, gave her champagne and half a Quaalude and then allegedly raped her. Polanski was arrested and plead guilty to having sex with a minor, and served 42 days in state prison for what a judge termed “pre-sentencing diagnostic testing.” When he was released, he fled to France to avoid facing charges and potential further sentencing. He’s lived in France for the past 32 years, where he is a citizen and cannot be extradited, and has continued to direct films—including “The Pianist” which won him an Academy Award for Best Director and Best Picture. Polanski has never returned to the U.S., and has mostly avoided traveling to countries where he could be arrested. But on Saturday, as he arrived in Switzerland to speak at the Zurich Film Festival, he was picked up by Swiss officials bearing a U.S. arrest warrant.

As if it wasn’t enough that Florida already has a ridiculously high number of female teachers who get down and dirty with male students, now they can add another shady teacher headline to the list of indiscretions. After high school biology teacher Tiffany Shepherd was fired last year when some racy bikini pics of her on a boat surfaced, she thought it would all just blow over and that she’d be able to get another teaching job. After sending out 2,500 resumes to the sound of crickets chirping, Tiffany decided to take her teaching career in ... another direction. She’s starring in a porno. Hey, when life gives you lemons, you squeeze them into porn lemonade, right?

Mark Sanford may be getting a little slack from the media because some guy known as the King of Pop passed away, but that doesn’t mean his mistress will get the same treatment. Some websites are identifying the mysterious “Maria” as María Belén Chapur, a Buenos Aires native who’s a 43-year-old mother of two. Getting details on her has been so difficult that one Fox News article decided to give a detailed account of the apartment building where she lives. After the jump, some things you absolutely never wanted to know about María Belén Chapur, but the media deemed important enough to print. Mostly because they couldn’t find out anything better.

Those of you who don’t live in downtown New York may not be familiar with the new Calvin Klein Jeans billboard gracing a corner in Soho. Let me explain: the thing is enormous, taking up the entire side of a building, and its four scantily-clad participants look just about ready to have a tired, drunken threesome. (Well, three of them might, anyway. The fourth dude is just so over it and needs a nap on the ground.) In short, it is incredibly hot in a sweaty, semi-trashy way. And sometimes, that’s all you need.

Miss California, Carrie Prejean, has been dethroned for what is being vaguely termed “contract violations”, but what really sounds like a prissy attitude because Prejean refused to make certain appearances. Keith Lewis, a state pageant director said, “It has become abundantly clear that Carrie is unwilling to fulfill her obligations under our contract and work together.” The verdict isn’t a surprise, but is perhaps a bit belated considering the nude picture scandal that almost lost her the crown last month. Along with her public statements against “opposite” marriage (that’s gay marriage for those not proficient in ditz), Prejean hasn’t been America’s favorite figure. She’ll be replaced by runner-up Tami Farrell. With sex, beauty, lies, and probably a lot of tears, we think it’s only a matter of time before Hollywood adapts this story for the small screen. Paris Hilton could finally win an Emmy!  [CNN]

Supposedly, Italians in the late ‘90s couldn’t grasp why the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal caused such hysteria in the states. Well, my dear Italians, the tables have turned. In case you’ve been under a rock (like I have) Italy’s premier, Silvio Berlusconi, has been living out a Clintonian mess for the last week. First, Berlusconi attended the 18th birthday party of model Noemi Letizia in Naples. Then his wife, former actress Veronica Lario, filed for a divorce, saying it was inappropriate for Berlusconi to be at the girl’s birthday since, well, he never bothered to show up at any of his own kids’ 18th soirees. (Good point.) And now photographs have leaked depicting a New Year’s party held at Berlusconi’s Sardinian villa where model Letizia was part of the turnout.

Berlusconi vehemently denies the rumors, and says that if anyone can prove the allegations are true he’d resign “in an instant.” This saga couldn’t come at a worse time for him. Elections are next week and this political pickle might push Berlusconi’s Italian rightist party out of power.

In other news, now I can name at least one person I’m having a better week than. [Associated Press]

Egads! Jessica “Washingtonienne” Cutler, the former congressional staffer who blogged about her DC sex-for-money frolics with various political appointees, is engaged. Now 30, Cutler plans to marry Manhattan lawyer Charles Rubio. (He looks, um, nice?) Since Wonkette‘s Ana Marie Cox exposed the identity of the once anonymous sex blogger, Cutler wrote a book, got sued by an ex-lover, declared bankruptcy, and is having her torrid tale turned into an HBO series by none other than Sarah Jessica Parker. (“Sex and the City” meets “The West Wing”?) So how did the lovebirds, who plan to wed next month in a city hall ceremony, meet? “Randomly in a bar,” she reveals. “I was so wasted,” she adds. “I wish I had a more romantic story to tell you!” Us, too, Jessica. Us, too. [Gawker]

So, The National Enquirer is claiming that John Edwards has a mistress and a love child and that he was totally caught visiting with them at a hotel recently. All this while his wife Elizabeth is still dealing with cancer. Now, this is the National Enquirer we’re talking about, so this is hardly FACT, but politicians stepping out on their wives is hardly an original rumor. Besides, despite the fact that my Grandma calls it “the trash”, they have been right on more than one occasion. Our lovely intern Annika revisits the Enquirer‘s moments of “A-ha! We told you so!”