Tag Archives: saying i love you

Dating Don’ts: 7 Times When “I Love You” Doesn’t Count

The FriskySeptember 18, 2012 //
Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Girlproof!
Girlproofing your apartment is very important. Read More »

The phrase “I love you” — despite endless debates about who should say it first and how often it should be said — only holds as much significance as the person saying it assigns to the phrase. Yes, say it if you feel like it and not because you expect to hear it in return. We’d never begrudge anyone the wonderfulness of falling in love and screaming it from the mountaintops. But because so much importance has been placed on such a little phrase, the extra pressure only increases our probability of fucking it up. We’ve all said “I love you” at the wrong times, for the wrong reasons and wished for a do-over. Oh, the potential that phrase has to make things so, so awkward, especially in a new relationship. Don’t beat yourself up. Accidental “I love yous” happen all the time. Don’t let three little words blurted out at an inopportune moment ruin the good thing you have going on. After the jump, seven instances when “I love you” doesn’t count … unless you want it to.
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Dear Wendy: “Should I Ask Him Directly If He Loves Me?”

Wendy AtterberrySeptember 15, 2011 //

By boyfriend and I have been together two years. About six months ago, I finally said “I love you,” deciding that if I didn’t say it first he never would. I am still waiting for him to say it back and I’m rather conflicted about the whole thing. First, we are very happy despite some bumps we hit early in the relationship. When I met him, he was completely emotionally unavailable and he has taken incredible steps toward being a better partner for me — changes that I had never even dared to ask for since you and so many others have always said “You can’t change him!” I think he does love me, because he has gone from being that commitment-phobe to telling me that, “I will stay with you until you tell me to go.” I know that he deeply values me the way he has never valued anyone before.

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Girl Talk: Is “I Love You” Really That Important?

Ami AngelowiczMay 11, 2011 //

“I love you,” I told Jeremy, gazing deeply into his eyes. I was 13 and he had just given me a mix tape containing “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam and “November Rain” by GNR. To me, this meant we were in love.

“I love you too,” he said.

I expected a band of unicorns to prance through the streets, for archangels to play trumpets, for a spontaneous firework show. It wasn’t really like that. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Bated Breath” Responds

Wendy AtterberryMay 9, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Bated Breath” who wondered if she should wait for her long distance boyfriend of four months to say “I love you” or say it to him first. After the jump, find out what she decided to do and if she’s happy with the decision she made. Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: How We Say “I Love You” (Without Actually Saying, “I Love You”)

John DeVoreFebruary 9, 2011 //

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’re rerunning the very first Mind of Man which originally was published in February 2008. It’s an oldie, but SUCH a goodie.

OK ladies, check it out: We love you. We love watching your sleeping face glow on our 150-thread count pillowcases. We love that mischievous glint in your eyes that says both, “You know what I’m thinking” and “You have absolutely no idea what I’m thinking.” We love that momentary moment of punch-drunkenness when we catch a whiff of a new fragrance that makes you smell like flowers. (And we don’t even like flowers. Doesn’t anyone realize flowers are just the clown genitals of the vegetable kingdom?)

So there you have it — we love you. Can we move on now?

We didn’t think so. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “How Long Does It Take The Average Person To Say ‘I Love You’?”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 19, 2011 //

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about seven months, and things are going amazingly. For the first time in my life, I feel emotionally healthy and secure with myself. I spent a year being single, working on loving myself and I’m no longer battling the constant fear that the man I’m with will abandon me and nobody will love me. I’m feeling so good about things with this man, and I’m dying to tell him that I love him, but something is holding me back. I’ve read your piece about why women shouldn’t say “I Love You” first, and I have to say I have zero fears that it would freak him out or send him running for the hills. I’m not afraid that he doesn’t love me, and even if he doesn’t yet, I know things are heading in that direction. My fear is this: if he doesn’t say it back, I might revert to the insecure, unstable girl that I was. I don’t want the constant anxiety and tears, always thinking that I’m not good enough to be loved. What should I do? Should I face my fears and tell him how I feel? Or should I be patient, and wait until he’s ready to say the words first? And how long do you think it takes the average man to say “I love you”? — Waiting To Hear The Words

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Scared To Say ‘I Love You’”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 11, 2011 //

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a while now, and quite a few times in the past few months (especially recently) he’s told me that he loves me or is in love with me. Every time I’m with him my thoughts are screaming “I love you!” and I want to say it, and I’ve tried, but my head can never tell my mouth what to say, which leaves me wondering if I do indeed love him. When I’m with him, everything is finally okay, but when we’re apart, I don’t feel exactly right. I’m willing to do anything to see him happy, even if it means bending over backwards, which I’ve done, and I’ve sacrificed my own happiness for him a few times (he was unaware of it though) just to help things work for him. Twenty years from now, I want more than anything for him to be happy and with the love of his life, but sometimes I don’t think I’m her. There are times when I feel like we’re great now, but not necessarily forever, and that leaves me wondering if I really love him. What does it mean to you to be in love? If you’re in love does it mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, or can it simply be something just for now? And also, how do I go about telling my boyfriend that I love him, when every time I’ve wanted to and tried, I’ve failed? I feel like I can’t rely on myself to say a simple “I love you” so are there other ways to do it, while keeping it incredibly romantic and memorable? — Love Shy

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Dear Wendy: “I Accidentally Said ‘I Love You’!”

Wendy AtterberryDecember 23, 2010 //

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss accidentally dropping the L-Bomb, what’s appropriate contact between two exes, and when it’s time to MOA. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: Why Won’t He Say “I Love You”?

Wendy AtterberryOctober 25, 2010 //

Wendy is off today. So in lieu of a brand-new Dear Wendy, we’re rerunning one of her early columns. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Love And The Absence Of Love

Ami AngelowiczAugust 18, 2010 //

I was lying in the bed of my current lover. I don’t know if I would call him a lover, maybe just an intimate friend. Or a spiritual hookup. I’ve stopped labeling these things since I turned 30. They are too nuanced and complicated to put a name to. Keep reading »

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