This weekend, January Jones’ guest-hosting gig on “Saturday Night Live” turned out to be a disappointing failure. Fart jokes? Really? But at least the “Mad Men” princess got a few giggles out of me with a “Ladies’ Guide To Party Planning.” The best part is when she has to go to the bathroom and leaves for the woods with a paper bag.

Everybody speculated Taylor Swift would use her hosting powers to skewer Hennessy-swigging rude boy Kanye West in her “SNL” monologue and she kind of did, towards the end. But I heard myself shrieking, “Yeah, Taylor!” when she called out another jerk in Hollywood who’s done her wrong: ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas, who she says cheated. Very ballsy. I love it!

Keep watching for the cutest moment ever when Tay-Tay blew a kiss and mouthed “I love you” to her new guy, Taylor Lautner. Guess that means it’s official?

Remember, remember the Fifth of November. This was the day that Guy Fawkes was thwarted in his attempt to explode the British Parliament in the 17th Century (and was caught, tortured, and killed). Our friends across the pond celebrate and commemorate with bonfires, burnings in effigy, and such. This side of the pond, I’m promoting anarchy through remembering Natalie Portman in “V for Vendetta.” The movie (based on the comic) imagined a dystopian future where people lived under totalitarian British rule and V attempted to viciously overthrow the vile government through violence. And Natalie shaved her head. Remember, remember ... it was the cutest thing ever ...

My favorite “country” music singer, Taylor Swift, will be hosting and performing on “Saturday Night Live” this weekend, and the promo pays tribute to the Kanye West debacle at the MTV Video Music Awards. Yes, this incident was rather amusing and ridiculous, but I’m gonna be a little annoyed if there are multiple references to it during Saturday’s show. A joke can only be funny so many times. (Oh, and Taylor, please sing “Tell Me Why.” I like that one.)

This week has been a great one for my fantasy boyfriends Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Ryan Gosling and thus it’s been a great week for me too. Let’s get to the big news:

• Joseph Gordon-Levitt will be hosting “Saturday Night Live” for the first time on Nov. 21. By the looks of this video he posted on his blog, he is super duper amped about it. Me too, JGL, me too!
• Ryan Gosling has just been cast in the movie, “The Wettest Country in the World,” which is just soooo appropriately named given the state of my you-know-what whenever I see his handsome face.

The only that would make both of these pieces of news even better is if Ryan got tapped to host “SNL” the week after JGL and JGL was cast in “The Wettest Country in the World” (replacing that douche, Shia LaBeouf, Ryan’s current co-star). Make it happen, universe!

• Hearings have begun concerning Anna Nicole Smith‘s last painful days when she was too weak to walk and could only drink Pedialyte through a baby bottle. [L.A. Times]—The more that’s revealed about her story, the sadder and sorrier that it becomes.
• A road map for how women pick their Halloween costumes! Does it apply to you? [Maxim]
• The International Glove Association fears for the future of mittens. Apparently, as people become obese, they store more heat and the extra comes out through the extremities, heating the hands. With more Americans being categorized as obese, fewer folks may require the mittens. [AOL]—International Glove Association? No more mittens? This is just too weird.

If Lady Gaga didn’t end up winning over some of her haters last night, after performing on “Saturday Night Live,” then they’re a lost cause. The pop diva absolutely knocked it out of the park, performing both “Paparazzi” and a medley of her songs, including “Poker Face” (in a gyroscope-enabled dress, natch)—showing off not only her ability to put on an entertaining show, but also her singing talent. Madonna showed up to join Gaga in one of my personal favorite regular skits, “Deep House Dish,” which came off a little awkward, but still was a nice little endorsement from the Queen of Pop. Clip of that, after the jump.

Let’s talk about how mother-effing excited I am for this weekend’s “Saturday Night Live.” Yes, last week’s season premiere totally blew, but tomorrow night, Mr. Scarlett Johansson, aka my second favorite Ryan in Hollywood—Ryan Reynolds—is hosting, with musical guest, Lady Gaga. This shiz is gonna be hot. Promo above.

The 35th season premiere of “Saturday Night Live” dropped a bomb on American TV screens – an F-bomb. On her first night on last weekend’s show, newest cast member Jenny Slate swore during the “Biker Chick Chat” skit. Slate’s only the most recent example of the “fleeting expletive” (an instance of profane language or images on a live broadcast). Here are some more examples of live profanity on television.

• “Saturday Night Live” has long been a bastion of bad language. The most famous instance came in 1981 when cast member Charles Rocket slipped up during a skit parodying Dallas and its “Who Shot J.R.?” episode, uttering “Oh man, it’s the first time I’ve been shot in my life. I’d like to know who the f**k did it.” (Rocket was fired later that year.) A year before Rocket’s expletive incident, future “Letterman” bandleader Paul Shaffer had let one loose. And in the ‘90s cast members Norm MacDonald and Cheri Oteri also cursed during the show. [NBC Miami]
• Rock stars have kept the FCC working overtime, too. When U2 appeared at the Golden Globes in 2003, frontman Bono described winning as “really, really f**king brilliant!” The government agency also looked into Motley Crue singer Vince Neil’s exuberant “Happy F**king New Year!” on the “Tonight Show”‘s Dec. 31 broadcast. After a 2005 “SNL” performance, NBC also had to answer for System of a Down guitarist Daron Malakian, who yelled “f**k yeah!” (System was performing their song “B.Y.O.B.,” which frequently uses the line “Where the f**k are you?”). [NY Daily News, MSNBC, EW]

Fall is in full swing, and your TV is probably your best friend right now thanks to all the new shows on air. The biggest news this week: tomorrow night “The Hills” are alive with the sound of Kristin. Also going down this week: a special guest star belts it out on “Glee”; “Private Practice” returns after a cliffhanger; and Ryan Reynolds and Lady Gaga team up on “Saturday Night Live.”

And this is her face just seconds after doing it. Jenny Slate, the newest addition to “Saturday Night Live,” kick-started her time on the seminal comedy show by accidentally letting the F-bomb slip during the show’s season premiere. (An NBC spokeswoman told Radaronline.com that Slate will not be fired. We should all be so lucky!) I would say that Lorne Michaels is probably pissed, except the episode was so not funny, that he’s probably grateful for the distraction. Watch the clip here.

John Belushi, Horatio Sanz, Chris Farley ... the funny fat guy has always been a successful stock character on “Saturday Night Live.” But is there a chick over a size six in the cast? Well, there used to be. More than a handful of hotness, Casey Wilson, was just fired after two seasons.

Some critics argue it was because she failed to create a memorable, one-of-a-kind persona, but then how do you explain Tim Meadows being given almost a decade to come up with “The Ladies Man”? There’s a bigger answer here and E! News went all Nancy Drew to find out why Casey got the pink slip. What they uncovered is pretty hard to swallow.

Hey, so you know how last week we were all, “Yippee! ‘Saturday Night Live’ has added two new lady cast members!”? Well today, I’m all, “Oh crap, they fired Casey Wilson and Michaela Watson?” Broadsheet wonders, “Does ‘SNL’ have a lady quota?” Good question.

My dream job (aside from being a Frisky blogger, of course) would be “SNL” cast member. After Amy Poehler left the show last season, I thought I had my chance and I quickly got to work developing characters for the show. Well, I guess you’ll have to wait a while longer to see Miss Teenage America and Bird With The Broken Wing because two funny ladies have snatched up my job out from under my nose. Foiled again! Rumor has it that comediennes Jenny Slate (center) and Nasim Pedrad (left) will join ridiculously funny Kristen Wiig (right) representing ladyfolk on the show, along with Abby Elliott, Michaela Watkins, and Casey Wilson. That brings the female-to-male cast ratio to 4:3. That’s the most women on the show in 35 years! [Mediaite.com]

Holy hilarity! Thursdays this fall just got funnier. “SNL” alum/comic genius Amy Poehler will return to her comedic anchor seat alongside Seth Meyers for “Saturday Night Live Weekend Update Thursdays.” My all-time favorite “SNL” skit took a hit when Tina Fey and Amy left the show, but the Thursday night special that began during the presidential election is back. And hopefully, the Poehler-punch will bring it back to its original level of awesomeness. “Weekend Update Thursdays” starts September 17, before the premieres of “Parks and Recreation” and “30 Rock.” If you squint hard enough, you can pretend that Amy and Tina are both behind the anchor’s desk, together again. [All Headline News]

The best thing about her performance on “Saturday Night Live” was her tights. [NYC, 5/9/09]

Justin Timberlake hosted “Saturday Night Live” for the third time this weekend and, as expected, kicked ass. A couple skits stood out: the follow-up to “Dick in a Box,”  an ode to moms called “Mother Lover,” which featured guest appearances by Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson, and, after the jump, a hilarious fake commercial for the “Mom Celebrity Translator.”

Hey dude!
Love your glasses! But seriously, you need to gain some weight back. I’m all for gettin’ heart healthy, cutting back on the trans-fats and the beer intake, but you’ve taken it too far. How do I know? Because with all the poundage, you’ve lost your ability to be funny. Your “Saturday Night Live” hosting gig this weekend was terrible and we can only blame the writers so much. Your delivery was awful! I mean, who’s ever heard of a funny guy who isn’t funny? I’m not sure why you lost your giggle-inducing talent along with the weight, but if you want to save your career, you’ll start chowing down on the McGangBangs FAST. Also, be careful with the roles you choose. Your cameo in “Superbad” was genius—your starring role in the upcoming “Observe and Report” is cause for concern. Not everyone’s terrible choices go the way of Jimmy Fallon, who somehow managed to score a late-night hosting gig despite “Taxi” and “Fever Pitch.” Oh and seriously, even if you hadn’t sucked on “SNL” this weekend, I still would be suggesting you trim back on the trimming back—you were cuter with a lil’ meat on your bones.
Love,
Amelia
P.S. A clip of your “SNL” monologue is after the jump, for those who were lucky enough to miss it the first time.

Oh Kristen Wiig, is there nothing you can’t do? On Saturday’s episode (with musical guest Kelly Clarkson, whose new album drops tomorrow), Barbie dropped by “Weekend Update” to celebrate her 50th birthday with Seth Meyers. She revealed what we’ve always suspected about her on/off boyfriend Ken—that his little penile nubbin isn’t good for much.

The thing is, I think Ann Coulter does survive on hate fumes…