Lindsay Lohan posted these tweets, seemingly to explain why she and Samantha Ronson aren’t seen together so much these days. Thank God, because we were so wondering.

Tori Spelling has been in and out of the hospital all week, complaining of severe abdominal pain. Apparently, seeking treatment has brought no relief, or even a conclusive diagnosis. I know this because her husband, Dean McDermott, has been keeping me posted 140 alphanumeric characters at a time. Tweeting about going to the hospital seems a surprising way to handle stress when a loved one is ill—at first. When I went back further into Dean’s twitter history I noticed he’d had an unspeakably unpleasant flu virus earlier this month. I noticed because he squawked, I mean tweeted, about his own discomfort more than he tweeted about Tori’s. To be fair, several tweets were concern for the health of his family, as he started his own recovery. There was something familiar, though, about the progression of these sick celebrity tweets. Has it become a celebrity trend to tweet health updates to concerned fans? After the jump, five more cases of celebrities tweeting their sickness.

So I don’t get in trouble for posting about this, gasp, 11 hours after the episode aired, SPOILERS AHEAD. Got that?

OK. So, last night was the premiere of “Project Runway” on Lifetime, which Jessica liveblogged. Personally, I was slightly underwhelmed. None of the designers stood out to me yet, except one, but not because of her design talents. Ari Fish is a straight-up Samantha Ronson doppelganger, which became somewhat awkward when it was revealed that Lindsay Lohan was the guest judge. Did Ari’s resemblance to Lohan’s on/off girlfriend help or hurt her? Find out, after the jump…

Clearly, SamRo has a type: strawberry blonde actresses whose names rhyme with hers. The DJ took “Sopranos” star Drea de Matteo out for a fancy dinner at Nobu last night. That’s a little bit better than the cheap burritos she lunched on with Lindsay last week. [Malibu, 7/19/09]

Samantha Ronson had lunch with her ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan yesterday and it appears that SamRo left LiLo hanging on a high five. We’re still worried that despite the threatened restraining order and other public drama, Ronson still might take her back. Sammy, listen to us, she’s an actress! Don’t fall for her schtick, again. We D.A.R.E. you. [Hollywood, 7/16/09]

We’ve all been there: still in love with an ex and unable to let go. But I hope we haven’t all been as psycho about it as LiLo. The drama-prone beauty just can’t seem to move on from her former flame, Samantha Ronson.  The writing on the wall has been crystal clear since the beginning of the year, but if “sources” are to be believed, Lohan can’t see it.  Of course, the fact that they are off again and on again as often as Paris Hilton’s panties doesn’t help. Below are the top six moments which confirm that SamRo is more than a little uninterested in Lilo.  Hopefully the starlet will catch this list and catch a clue.

LiLo left Samantha Ronson’s house yesterday morning after spending the night there. Lindsay, we can see you standing their behind the bush. [Los Angeles, 5/27/09]

Reading celebrity Twitters is like flipping to US Weekly‘s “They’re Just Like Us!” section. They whine about bad TV, do battle with technology, and wonder what other people think of them. This week, Nicole Richie’s Blackberry broke, John Mayer was busy, James Franco saw “Star Trek”, Samantha Ronson watched MTV, Karl Lagerfeld tried to make us feel better about buying his clothes, and Mindy Kaling may or may not have gone to Paris for a boob job.

Lindsay Lohan went on “The Ellen Degeneres Show” yesterday and dished the dirt on what went down with Samantha Ronson. Supposedly, they’re still besties, but she was caught off guard by their breakup.

Lindsay Lohan is messier than eating a burrito in the back of a school bus. She just can’t keep it together!  She’s been chasing SamRo around town, allegedly stalking her beat makin’ bro Mark, tried to crash her twin sister Charlotte’s fashion party, and now the fam is considering filing a restraining order. Seriously, stick a fork in these love birds because they’re done cooking!  But from loss comes lessons—here’s what we can, and Lindsay should, learn about how to handle a breakup.

If you ask Lindsay Lohan, she and her GF Sam Ronson are on a break. But if you talk to the DJ’s mama, Ann Dexter Jones, SamRo’s one step away from filing a restraining order against Lohan, who had to be physically removed by security when she tried to crash Charlotte Ronson’s big fashion party this weekend. Well, whatever is actually going on, one thing is clear: Sam needs a new lady to love. And we’re here to play matchmaker:

Lindsay Lohan, who is virtually bankrupt and recently split with sugar mama Sam Ronson, is expanding her 6126 leggings line with pantyhose. This just sounds like a last ditch effort to make some money. I mean, pantyhose are just plain boring. What’s next, tube socks? Since hosiery generally goes for less than $20, we came up with some ideas for Lindsay to save her career and help her stay relevant, you know, because occasionally appearing on magazine covers and endorsing products doesn’t a lasting career make.

It was a big weekend on Twitter! Lindsay Lohan dumped SamRo via a tweet, then accused her of doing drugs and cheating, before getting locked out of her house. Wah! Plus, Diddy watched porn whilst eating cornflakes, Nicole Richie gushed about her Prince Charming, and John Mayer took a bath. Guess it should come as no surprise that these publicity loving celebs hold nothing back when they tweet… More screengrabs, after the jumps…

***According to me

We’ve already discussed the clever use of girl-on-girl as a go-to publicity stunt for celebrities. But it’s not the only shady tactic used by Hollywood to garner interest in stars whose popularity is waning or in film, tv, and music projects that might otherwise go unnoticed. After the jump, five recent “celebrity” stories that I think are totally fake and carefully concocted.