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Where Will You Be When Ryan Lochte’s Penis Pic Hits The Internet?

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  • A pic of Ryan Lochte’s penis will go up on the sports blog Deadspin if current negotiations are successful. How did we not see this coming?! Of course Ryan Lochte has dick pics. Deadspin is in negotitions with a person “in possession of a photograph of a penis” who got the photograph from a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend of Lochte’s ex-girlfriend. And then there’s this very thorough description of the body in the photograph:

    “We have seen the photograph. The body in the photo is shaved like a swimmer’s body, with tan lines from racing trunks. The contours of the torso appear to match the contours of Lochte’s torso, particularly the deep crease across the abdominal muscles, angling up at the sides. The position of the subject/photographer’s right arm makes it impossible to tell whether Lochte’s other distinguishing marks — his Olympic-rings arm tattoo and a prominent pectoral mole — are present.”

    However this is all getting very complicated because Lochte’s “prominent pectoral mole” appears to have been recently removed. It’s a mystery mole! We are going to await Deadspin’s imminent acquisition of the Ryan Lochte penis pics, which will surely give poor Prince Harry the distraction he’s looking for. Win-win for everybody. [Black Book Mag]

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