What would Ryan Loche do? Put his huge erection on television, it seems. [Guyism]
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Here’s what I imagined happened in advance of David Letterman’s interview with Ryan Lochte. The notoriously caustic talk show host was told under no certain terms was he to bring up the Olympic medalist’s reputation for being dumb as rocks. He must focus his interview exclusively on Lochte’s accomplishments in the pool and his new TV show, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” So that’s what Letterman did. He read through a bunch of the swimming events Lochte won medals in and paused for him to explain what each was. He asked him if he would be participating in the next Olympics — “Where is that again?” “Rio,” Lochte responded with a smile. And later, “When is the next Olympics again?” “2016,” said Lochte. “And it’s 2013 now,” responded Letterman, pushing Lochte to do the math. And bless his heart, Lochte answered every single one of these softball questions correctly. Good job, Ryan!
I was compelled to hate watch Ryan Lochte’s new reality show, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” and I’m here to report back that, JEAH, he is just as purely, ridiculously idiotic as you imagined. I’ve narrowed the episode down to my favorite scene for the sake of brevity. But you should know, there were so many unbelievable moments. Like when the producer asked him if he was a player and Ryan responded, “Describe player.”
But far and away, the most entertaining tidbit is when Ryan is having a movie night with his sisters and reveals that his favorite flick is “What Women Want.” But he calls it “What Woman Wants.” Ryan gets a lot of things wrong. He also takes very long pauses after being asked questions and rarely finishes his sentences. “One of my favorite movies is ‘What Woman Want.’ The Mel Gibson one … If I could read woman’s minds, I would be king of the world,” he says. I don’t know if that’s the case. Keep reading »
Ryan Lochte is gearing up for his new TV show on E!,”What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” (which should really just be called “Swim Bros”). The show is manufactured by Wee Media Giant Ryan Seacrest, who’s made a living exploiting the fameball desires of idiots (see also: Kardashians). Lochte’s been doing lots of media interviews to promote the new series. Except you know who should, like, never talk to the media? Ryan Lochte. He reminds me of that “Bullets Over Broadway” scene with Diane Wiest and John Cusack. “Don’t speak!” says Wiest’s character Helen Sinclair to Cusack’s David Shayne as she covers his mouth with her hand.
Here, Lochte endures an interview with “Good Day Philadelphia” hosts Mike Jerrick and Sheinelle Jones, who cannot contain their laughter at Lochte’s ridiculous answers. Please enjoy Ryan Lochte explaining how bathrooms are arranged. Bless you, Ryan Lochte, for giving us all a much-needed laugh today. [Raw Story]
We here at The Frisky offices have a little lady boner for Ryan Lochte — mostly for his abs, because he’s not like, the brightest. Just today he tweeted about meeting Miley “Sirus” — yes, that’s right. Plus, there’s that whole “Jeah” thing, which is pretty annoying. But again, there are his abs, which are wildly redeemable. Of late, Lochte has teemed up with Charitybuzz to raise funds for Hurricane Sandy victims. He’s auctioning off a morning swim lesson, along with “lunch at one of his favorite spots,” which we imagine is likely a Chili’s or Applebees. But oh, there’s a catch… Keep reading »
Naturally, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte is one of the hunks featured in People‘s Sexiest Man Alive issue, but the photo they shot is all sorts of awks. While Ryan is reclining all sexy-like in his Speedo, my eyes are drawn to his Doberman Carter. Apparently, that is the reaction Ryan is used to, so he uses Carter’s attracting energy to meet owmen. ”He is a good wingman because he’s a beautiful dog,” Ryan told the mag, probably very slowly. “Girls come up to me and go, ‘Oh my god, where’s Carter? He’s so good looking!’ He’s my best friend and I love him. I just need to take him wherever I go and I’ll be set.” How do you say “Jeah!” in dog? [People]
When we first heard Ryan Lochte would be making a cameo on “30 Rock,” we were a bit worried. Ryan is really good — the best! — at swimming and having abs you could eat off of. Acting seemed like a bit of a stretch for him. But then we found out his “30 Rock” role would be to play a “sex idiot,” and it was like, hello, this is perfect for him. Nice work, Tina! JEAH! (Watch him this Thursday, okay?) [YouTube]
I don’t think I’ve ever been less attracted to Ryan Lochte than in this photo. Put the duck lips away, sexy! You don’t need to pout to look good. America’s favorite shit-for-brains swimmer has been covering New York Fashion Week for E! and ran into Tyra Banks at the Jeremy Scott runway show. The camera-loving twosome mugged for the cameras, but I’m disappointed Tyra didn’t teach Ryan how to booty tooch. His Speedo-clad butt would look hot with a pop. See one more pic after the jump! [E! Online] Keep reading »
In my mind, I am Ryan Lochte’s manager. Please, humor me. And no, I have no comments on his alleged penis pics at this time. Let’s stick to Ryan’s career. Even though I’m not getting 20 percent, I’ve taken a very keen interest in Ryan’s career path. I do it for the love of the craft. I made some suggestions for Ryan, role-wise, after his appearance on “90210″, but he chose to ignore me. That’s fine. What matters most is that I want to support Ryan in going after whatever makes him happy. Even if that means appearing on a bad reality show. I am pleased to announce that Ryan has booked some choice television gigs this week.
You’ll be happy to know that this morning he reported to the “30 Rock” set where he was put on camera (said like Jenna) for a cameo. Then, he was off to E!, where he has accepted a position as a correspondent for New York Fashion Week. I know, I was surprised too! Finally, our favorite talented Olympian finished off his day at “Live With Kelly.” Jeah! Just … jeah. Keep reading »
- A pic of Ryan Lochte’s penis will go up on the sports blog Deadspin if current negotiations are successful. How did we not see this coming?! Of course Ryan Lochte has dick pics. Deadspin is in negotitions with a person “in possession of a photograph of a penis” who got the photograph from a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend of Lochte’s ex-girlfriend. And then there’s this very thorough description of the body in the photograph:
“We have seen the photograph. The body in the photo is shaved like a swimmer’s body, with tan lines from racing trunks. The contours of the torso appear to match the contours of Lochte’s torso, particularly the deep crease across the abdominal muscles, angling up at the sides. The position of the subject/photographer’s right arm makes it impossible to tell whether Lochte’s other distinguishing marks — his Olympic-rings arm tattoo and a prominent pectoral mole — are present.”
However this is all getting very complicated because Lochte’s “prominent pectoral mole” appears to have been recently removed. It’s a mystery mole! We are going to await Deadspin’s imminent acquisition of the Ryan Lochte penis pics, which will surely give poor Prince Harry the distraction he’s looking for. Win-win for everybody. [Black Book Mag]