Two weeks ago, my gentle and loving boyfriend of three months held me down and forced me to have sex with him against my will, and then told me I had asked for it. And technically, he was right.

Jacob and I had only been dating about a month and a half when I intimated that I had a rape fantasy. Over the years, I’d had my share of experience with role-playing and rough sex. I vividly recall a male friend of mine in college telling me that I had a distinct air of “sexual prey” about me, and me thinking that this was a huge compliment. Being dominated and playing the innocent who secretly wasn’t had been my currency and had guided the sexual dynamic I forged with partners for the last 10 years. But only for the last few months had I allowed myself to entertain what I considered to be the final frontier— a simulated rape.

I thought I’d had “rough sex” before; I’d been spanked on my butt plenty of times, had my hair pulled, even been caned once while strung up with my hands over my head. That hurt, and I cried, and I liked it, because I’m submissive like that, but it was just a one-time thing. I’d had plenty of encounters with talking dirty, spinning all sorts of nasty fantasies, where, most of the time, I was on the receiving end of some very hot epithets. But I’d never wanted to be choked until I got together with the guy I’m dating now.

Rough sex. Sure, it’s not for the faint of heart, but it certainly has a large and enthusiastic following. But lately it’s been getting some bad press and from “The Girl Next Door” at Men’s Health mag. A reader wrote in to her because his girlfriend wants him to pull her ponytail during sex. The Girl Next Door sees this as being potentially sadistic. Hmm, everyone has a right to have the sex they like and be open about what they do want with a partner.  Sure, some people like to get pretty freaky—like on The Tyra Show, for example—but a little hair-pulling doesn’t seem so nutty. Still, if a little rough sex is weird enough to freak a guy out about his girlfriend, then maybe they’re just not compatible. What do you guys think?  [Men’s Health]