Last Friday, the weather was so lovely that I decided to walk home from work. On my way, I stopped by a deli and bought a big bunch of beautiful peonies, my favorite flower. They’re only in season for six weeks and I basically hoard them during that time. So anyway, a few blocks from my apartment, a guy in his early-’20s sidled up next to me and asked, “Who bought you flowers?”
“I bought them for myself,” I replied. Oh lord, what’s this dude want?
“Awwww,” he said with pity in his voice. “That’s so sad. A guy should be buying you flowers. I would.”
This, friends, is classic negging. Buying yourself flowers is sad! Flowers are supposed to be bought for you! By a mannnn! I should be flattered that this guy, who just declared my flower-buying “sad,” would buy me flowers. Little old sad me. What-the-fuck-ever. I rolled my eyes, uttered an “mmkay,” and detoured down another street.
The truth is, while it’s of course nice to get a bouquet from a dude, flowers are actually on the short list of so-called “romantic gifts” that boyfriends sometimes give that I would actually rather buy for myself. Allow me to explain… Keep reading »
Romance is project management. All successful romantic gestures are the result of one person observing, plotting and executing a plan. Sometimes the plan is big and bold like a prison break. Sometimes it’s quick like a commando raid. I had a girlfriend once who forgave me my comic book addiction and remembered that I was a fan of the character “Wolverine.” She randomly saw a “Wolverine” action figure on sale one day and bought it. Before I came over that night, she told me she was hanging out with a friend she wanted me to meet. They had ordered my favorite pizza and to hurry up. Wolverine was waiting for me on the couch. Keep reading »
Romance is dead.
That’s the consensus you could draw from five minutes on the dating scene. Instead of butterflies, hormones seem to be driving our coupling up. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing if all you want is sexual gratification. I’m only human: there’s been times I’ve just needed a roll in the hay. But I’m also a woman who loves romance — traditional, old school, stars-in-my-eyes romance — and I speak from personal experience that it’s not easy to find.
Alas, both men and women have forgotten how to woo each other. I wholeheartedly agreed with the actress Emma Watson when she told Vogue recently, “I’m a feminist, but I think that romance has been taken away a bit for my generation.”
Yesterday Amelia published a post called “Dating Don’ts: These 7 Romantic Gestures Need To Go.” Here in The Frisky’s office, we spent all morning fighting about it. A few of my fellow Frisky ladies would run for the hills if a dude bought them chocolate, serenaded them with a song [No, only a song that he misinterpreted as romantic. -- Editor], or showered rose petals on their bed. But me? That sounds like my perfect guy.
I respectfully disagree with you, Amelia, that romantic gestures can be cheesy or infantilizing. Romance is about stimulating the senses, creating an aura, and drawing someone in. Romance does not have to be dead, people! After the jump, five romantic gestures that need to stay. Keep reading »
I have nothing against romance. I like to be wooed. I welcome it. I even like certain traditional romantic gestures; for example, I love to receive flowers. There’s no surer way to my heart than to bring me a bunch of peonies. I’ll take a beautiful bouquet over diamonds any day. But there are some lovey-dovey gestures that I cannot stomach, things that seriously should have been edited out of the romance handbook. So, guys, if you’re going to attempt to woo me — and you are, aren’t you? — please, pretty please, don’t do the following seven things. Keep reading »
The romantic gesture: a lovely thing or reserved for creepy stalkers? Blogger Joshua Lyon, writing for Thought Catalog, seems to feel that the romantic gesture is dying. He talks about being branded “scary intense” for writing a letter to a man he had a crush on and suggesting an old-fashioned correspondence. That seems rather sweet to me. Also, he mentions a time when a boyfriend pulled a “Say Anything” and played “In Your Eyes” on a boombox at his window, Lloyd Dobler-style. He found it to be “one of the bravest and most romantic things” anyone had ever done for him. I see what he’s getting at. The grand romantic gesture does deserve a rightful place in the world of wooing. But it can walk the fine line of “creepiness.” Romantic gestures only work when being done by the right person in the right way. For example, a guy I was dating once had a handwritten note couriered over to my office to ask me out on a date. Sweet! Another time, a man I had exchanged a smile with followed me home from the grocery store to leave a letter of admiration on my doorstep. Frightening! After the jump, the difference between sweet/romantic and creepy/romantic. [Thought Catalog] Keep reading »
Last week, I posted a poll about the romantic gestures that would actually make you swoon. While you voted in the thousands — with a surprise trip getting the most votes — I was struck by how many of you offered your own suggestions for romantic gestures in the comments. I noticed a few themes and compiled them into seven types of romantic gestures that make the biggest impression. Check ‘em out after the jump! (And please, continue to leave more swoon-worthy suggestions in the comments!) Keep reading »
Ahh, romance. Always thought about in terms of what women want — flowers (peonies for me, thanks!), slow-dancing to Kenny G, dinner at fancy French restaurants with overly rich food, etc. But what about men? Surely they like a romantic gesture now and again … the thing is, what do they consider romantic? What kind of romantic gestures would they appreciate? To find out, I went to the best experts I could find — the guys on my IM. Keep clicking to read how a married guy, a goofy guy, and an unmarried but sort of silly John DeVore want to be romanced. Keep reading »
I live in Paris, a city where the notion of romance is ever-present. In fact, you can’t even get through dinner or drinks without a flower salesman sticking roses in your face every half hour or so as he wanders from venue to venue, approaching couples engaged in romantic tête-à-têtes. And yet, the flower salesman is always waved away, an annoyance and an intrusion. I’ve never once seen a man on a date solicit the attention of one to make an impromptu rose purchase. Keep reading »
Earlier this week, we asked you: “What Would Get You To Take Your Ex Back?” From a look at the results of the poll, not much. Forty-three percent of you said that there’s nothing he could do to get you to change your mind, and that getting involved again would mean “giving up when I just need to move on.” The unfortunate truth is that you can’t make someone love you.
But! There is a but … what if you still both love each other (either consciously or subconsciously), yet you’ve gone your separate ways? Maybe you never moved on from the feelings you have because no one else compared, or you both weren’t at places in your lives to make things work. In that case, there’s potential to re-ignite the relationship. Of course, you have to prepare for the probable possibility that your Ex isn’t interested. There’s no middle ground when it comes to re-wooing: either it works, or you have to look at it as an opportunity to finally move on. The not knowing still driving you crazy? Here, we looked at what you said, put in our own two cents, and came up with some tips to give it a go, both for guys and girls. Keep reading »