I’m standing in the kitchen in my underwear, crying over a carton of fat-free half and half. I’m about to do one of those dramatic Lifetime movie moments where the emotionally exhausted woman has just had too much and she crashes to the floor with dramatic flourish and beats her fists on the ground. But I feel crusty cat food and coffee grounds stuck to my heels and I can’t remember the last time I mopped. In fact I can’t even name a single time I’ve mopped this particular kitchen floor, which prompts me to remember that the person who mops the kitchen floor in our house is my husband, Patrick. And then I cry some more. Keep reading »
Though Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house, it is Tea Party darling Rep. Michele Bachmann who’s cast off into the northern country’s snowy forest in this summer’s smoldering romance tale as the inspiration for Fires of Siberia. Publisher Badlands Unlimited describes the book as:
“…an old-fashioned bodice ripper romance that brings the heat for the 2013 summer beach reading season. Presidential candidate Danielle Powers, full of firebrand pluck and red state sex appeal, has the country in a tizzy. But on an international tour to beef up her foreign policy experience, disaster ensues—her plane explodes over Siberia. Miraculously, Danielle survives, along with one other passenger—a mysterious stranger named Steadman Bass.”
Author Trey Sager confirmed Rep. Bachmman herself is the inspiration. And this, my friends, is the cover:… Keep reading »
Johnny Depp gave Amber Heard her own beach on his island.
Brad Pitt filled Angelina with genetically perfect babies and then gifted her with a ring he helped design.
Jennifer Lopez’s boy toy supposedly tattooed her name on his dick.
You might think if you want to woo like the celebs do, you need loads of cash and a high pain threshold in your nether regions. But you would be wrong! Celebrities do pull some romantic moves for their loved ones that seem exclusively available to the rich and famous. But every once and awhile, they also make some sweet romantic gestures that us normals can emulate.
Click through to find out what romantic moves from celebs us mortals can use too …
You can read wedding magazines, and wedding blogs, and wedding everything, but you’ll almost never turn the page and see the marriage. Everything stops in a last, beautiful moment, blurred by sparklers or bubbles or birdseed as the (inevitably white, inevitably young, inevitably thin, inevitably straight) couple disappears into the back of a limousine, a horse-drawn carriage, or, if they’re very edgy, maybe a racy vintage sports car.
Having a wedding can be glamorous; certainly the Wedding Industrial Complex sells it that way. And being engaged is exciting. People send you pretty cards and congratulate you for being nothing more than very lucky. They ask you where they can go to buy you some presents so they can reward you for being in love. You are actively encouraged to brag about yourself. Everything builds up to the big day. Your perfect day! Your princess day!
And then … what? Keep reading »
I saw “Reality Bites” at a seminal point in my life. I had recently graduated from college and simultaneously just realized that nothing in the world was the way I thought it was. The world was not, in fact, eagerly anticipating my arrival and waiting to hand me an array of opportunities. It was instead somewhat willing to offer me a chance to be an editorial assistant at a magazine I didn’t read for a rate just above the poverty level. Dashing men weren’t lining up to wine and dine me and teach me the ways of the ever-glamorous world I was joining. Instead, overgrown frat guys, who seemed roughly 2000 percent less fascinating now that I was no longer attending fraternity parties, were mildly interested in hanging out. Keep reading »
Real talk: a lot of people are really bad at selling themselves online dating. Have you seen OK Cupid Enemies? Have you read Annals Of Online Dating? From their profile pics to their self-descriptions to their harebrained “what up girl i wanna get wit u” messages, they almost make it too easy.
Too easy to stay single, I mean.
So I’m going to suggest something uncomfortable: I’m going to suggest you show your online dating profile, everything in your online dating profile, to a trusted friend and ask for an honest assessment of what you’re doing wrong. Keep reading »