I’m standing in the kitchen in my underwear, crying over a carton of fat-free half and half. I’m about to do one of those dramatic Lifetime movie moments where the emotionally exhausted woman has just had too much and she crashes to the floor with dramatic flourish and beats her fists on the ground. But I feel crusty cat food and coffee grounds stuck to my heels and I can’t remember the last time I mopped. In fact I can’t even name a single time I’ve mopped this particular kitchen floor, which prompts me to remember that the person who mops the kitchen floor in our house is my husband, Patrick. And then I cry some more. Keep reading »
Though Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house, it is Tea Party darling Rep. Michele Bachmann who’s cast off into the northern country’s snowy forest in this summer’s smoldering romance tale as the inspiration for Fires of Siberia. Publisher Badlands Unlimited describes the book as:
“…an old-fashioned bodice ripper romance that brings the heat for the 2013 summer beach reading season. Presidential candidate Danielle Powers, full of firebrand pluck and red state sex appeal, has the country in a tizzy. But on an international tour to beef up her foreign policy experience, disaster ensues—her plane explodes over Siberia. Miraculously, Danielle survives, along with one other passenger—a mysterious stranger named Steadman Bass.”
Author Trey Sager confirmed Rep. Bachmman herself is the inspiration. And this, my friends, is the cover:… Keep reading »
Johnny Depp gave Amber Heard her own beach on his island.
Brad Pitt filled Angelina with genetically perfect babies and then gifted her with a ring he helped design.
Jennifer Lopez’s boy toy supposedly tattooed her name on his dick.
You might think if you want to woo like the celebs do, you need loads of cash and a high pain threshold in your nether regions. But you would be wrong! Celebrities do pull some romantic moves for their loved ones that seem exclusively available to the rich and famous. But every once and awhile, they also make some sweet romantic gestures that us normals can emulate.
Click through to find out what romantic moves from celebs us mortals can use too …
You can read wedding magazines, and wedding blogs, and wedding everything, but you’ll almost never turn the page and see the marriage. Everything stops in a last, beautiful moment, blurred by sparklers or bubbles or birdseed as the (inevitably white, inevitably young, inevitably thin, inevitably straight) couple disappears into the back of a limousine, a horse-drawn carriage, or, if they’re very edgy, maybe a racy vintage sports car.
Having a wedding can be glamorous; certainly the Wedding Industrial Complex sells it that way. And being engaged is exciting. People send you pretty cards and congratulate you for being nothing more than very lucky. They ask you where they can go to buy you some presents so they can reward you for being in love. You are actively encouraged to brag about yourself. Everything builds up to the big day. Your perfect day! Your princess day!
And then … what? Keep reading »
I saw “Reality Bites” at a seminal point in my life. I had recently graduated from college and simultaneously just realized that nothing in the world was the way I thought it was. The world was not, in fact, eagerly anticipating my arrival and waiting to hand me an array of opportunities. It was instead somewhat willing to offer me a chance to be an editorial assistant at a magazine I didn’t read for a rate just above the poverty level. Dashing men weren’t lining up to wine and dine me and teach me the ways of the ever-glamorous world I was joining. Instead, overgrown frat guys, who seemed roughly 2000 percent less fascinating now that I was no longer attending fraternity parties, were mildly interested in hanging out. Keep reading »
Real talk: a lot of people are really bad at selling themselves online dating. Have you seen OK Cupid Enemies? Have you read Annals Of Online Dating? From their profile pics to their self-descriptions to their harebrained “what up girl i wanna get wit u” messages, they almost make it too easy.
Too easy to stay single, I mean.
So I’m going to suggest something uncomfortable: I’m going to suggest you show your online dating profile, everything in your online dating profile, to a trusted friend and ask for an honest assessment of what you’re doing wrong. Keep reading »
Last Friday, the weather was so lovely that I decided to walk home from work. On my way, I stopped by a deli and bought a big bunch of beautiful peonies, my favorite flower. They’re only in season for six weeks and I basically hoard them during that time. So anyway, a few blocks from my apartment, a guy in his early-’20s sidled up next to me and asked, “Who bought you flowers?”
“I bought them for myself,” I replied. Oh lord, what’s this dude want?
“Awwww,” he said with pity in his voice. “That’s so sad. A guy should be buying you flowers. I would.”
This, friends, is classic negging. Buying yourself flowers is sad! Flowers are supposed to be bought for you! By a mannnn! I should be flattered that this guy, who just declared my flower-buying “sad,” would buy me flowers. Little old sad me. What-the-fuck-ever. I rolled my eyes, uttered an “mmkay,” and detoured down another street.
The truth is, while it’s of course nice to get a bouquet from a dude, flowers are actually on the short list of so-called “romantic gifts” that boyfriends sometimes give that I would actually rather buy for myself. Allow me to explain… Keep reading »
Now that Valentine’s Day has passed, it’s time to look forward, to shed past heartache and focus on finding someone special this year. Maybe you’ve tried online dating? But perhaps the sites you’re using are too general, and aren’t helping you meet the right people. What if you really want to shed your city living and move to a farm? There’s a site for that. Or what if you’re jonesing to meet a real life member of the geek squad? We can help you find one of those, too. Click through for our list of specialty dating sites that could bring you closer to finding your perfect match.
Call it the “Knocked Up” syndrome — when an attractive actress is romantically paired onscreen with a guy she’d never give a second thought to — but Hollywood has made quite a habit of casting unrealistic and unbelievable romantic pairs. Even before Seth Rogen made a baby with Katherine Heigl, stars like Woody Allen and Chevy Chase were casting themselves opposite knockout leading ladies. (Chase famously admitted that he wanted Beverly D’Angelo cast as his wife in the “National Lampoon”‘s series because she was so pretty.) And guys aren’t the only ones guilty of this (cough, Queen Latifah, cough).
Check out our list of wildly mismatched onscreen couples we just can’t believe.
Relationships are a little like glaciers; under various pressures, they’re always moving and changing, gathering all sorts of debris. But after some time, they move so slowly, it’s easy to forget they’re there, particularly when you live together. To use a more familiar metaphor, one day your relationship is a wild ride, all loops and corkscrews, and then, out of nowhere, it’s mellowed and straightened out.
Actually, it’s worse than that. It’s stagnating. Read more…