According to our buddies over at Cracked, some chick flicks secretly hate women. Who’d've thunk it? After reading the list, we’d have to agree. Some movies for ladies really do appear to think less of women than you’d think. Take, for example, “Twilight.” Edward is a killer, and Bella ... doesn’t really care? When Edward says he’d like to suck Bella’s blood, Bella replies: “I trust you.” Cracked’s Erica Cantin asserts: “Any girl with the self-esteem of a shoe would call it a day right there.” Find out the other anti-women chick flicks here. [Cracked]

Earlier in the week, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner made the talk show rounds. But with “New Moon” opening tonight at midnight (yes, I’ll be there), it’s time to send out the big gun—Robert Pattinson. Last night, he did “Letterman” and this morning he stopped by “Today.” Check out the clips below.

What does a teen heartthrob do when he gets bored with giving hugs, shaking hands, and signing body parts? Why, he tells his fans to strip, of course. Robert Pattinson visited Ellen DeGeneres yesterday for a show that will air tomorrow and said he got burned out during a recent marathon autograph-signing session while on a promotional blitz for “New Moon.” “You kind of get ten seconds with each person and you never really say anything ... I kind of got bored,” Pattinson explained. So when one female fan asked how she could get his attention, he had a novel idea. “I was like, um, just take your clothes off.” The fan began stripping. “She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security,” Pattinson says. “I never felt more terrible ... I sound like I’m actually just abusing my position.” Something tells me the female fan in question is happy just to have a story to tell her friends. [via Us Weekly]

Ladies, we have this habit of assuming an actor is just like his most famous character. Take Robert Pattinson for instance, with his rumored body odor and greasy hair. Would we think he was so hot if we weren’t imagining him as a sparkly, rock-hard, ferocious-when-necessary vampire? Doubtful. And he continues to bust our bubble by insisting he’s really not a romantic person in real life. “I haven’t done that many romantic things in my life,” he said at a press conference. Rob admitted to putting a flower in a girl’s locker when he was a teen, but said she thought it was another guy, and he let the wrong guy take credit for the romantic gesture. He also said he would never serenade a woman, even though he’s a musician. “Oh, no! I don’t think that would ever be romantic. You need to have so much balls to do that. Jesus Christ! I actually can’t think of a single romantic thing I’ve ever done. That’s terrible,” he added. No, that’s not terrible; that’s wimpy. I guess, we’ll have to continue to envision Edward Cullen watching us sleep, instead. [Starpulse]

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are looking a lot less chummy today then they did holding hands at the airport. Man, these kids deserve an Oscar for looking miserable on the red carpet. [Madrid, 11/12/09]

For over a year, rumors have swirled that Robert Pattinson is seriously stank. We suspected it might be true based on the greasy hair, but then his “Twilight” co-star Alex Meraz confused us, saying that Robert smells like roses. But now Robert himself has confirmed our worst suspicions. “I don’t know, my personal hygiene—it’s so disgusting,” he said in an interview, confessing the jeans he wore were several days old. So what’s a fan to think? I’m sure a very large team of volunteer investigators could be enlisted to find out the truth about Robert’s aroma. They can all get in line behind me. [Daily News]

Further proof that the worst-kept “who effing cares?” secret in the world is true: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been photographed holding hands. [Paris, France, 11/10/09]

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are being even more confusing than usual this week. The December issue of Harper’s Bazaar hits newsstands soon, featuring the pair on the cover and in a hyper-romantic photo spread. The cover story is essentially all about their relationship—their first meeting (auditioning for “Twilight” and being thrown into a make-out scene together) and who is more romantic (Rob, apparently). Heck, for half of the story, the two even play the “Newlywed Game,” answering questions about who spends more time on their hair, who is more egotistical, and who is more superstitious. But wait, what’s this? In an Entertainment Weekly roundtable interview yesterday, Kristen got crazy worked-up and dropped a few f-bombs when asked about whether they are dating. Yeah, it’s really hard to understand why people want to know when you FAN THE FREAKING FLAMES.

Check out the photos and the best quotes from these interviews after the jump.

“I peaked at 12. There are so many photos from that time where I look unbearably awkward. I’d just be looking in random directions and stuff.”

—Robert Pattinson on his modeling roots in Harper’s Bazaar [ONTD]

• Robert Pattinson denies rumors that he and Kristen Stewart are dating in the December issue of Vanity Fair. Also in the story, he says he thinks he resembles a cartoon character and that one of his legs is longer than the other. [Vanity Fair]—This could be the first time the Tiger Beat crowd will rush to purchase a copy of Vanity Fair.
• Lindsay Lohan and Gerard Butler reportedly got cozy in Morocco on Sunday night, locking lips on the dance floor and then leaving together. [NY Daily News]—If this is true, Gerard is totally taking advantage of Lindsay, who still seems to be getting over Sam Ronson.
• Some people are saying Kate Hudson, who is dating Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, is a good luck charm for the team. Also, a source told Us Weekly that A-Rod is “less of a jerk” and “more free-spirited” now that he’s with her. [Us Weekly]—If he’s become less of a jerk, she’s a real miracle worker.

It’s hard to imagine Robert Pattinson as anything but a total stud who makes us cream our panties. But lo and behold, when director Catherine Hardwicke presented her casting choice to Twilight‘s producers, those goons weren’t sure this vampiric hunk was Edward material! (By his own admission, RPatz had been “getting drunk for a year” before.) In an interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Hardwicke dished:

“[The producers] called me up and they literally said, ‘Catherine, do you think you can make this guy look good?’ So I said, ‘Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to get his hair back to a different color, do a different style. He would work with a trainer from now on. My cinematographer is great with lighting. He will study the cheekbones, and I promise you, we’ll make the guy look good.’”

Mission accomplished, indeed. After the jump, a smoldering Pattinson pic from Vanity Fair‘s dee-lish slideshow:

Most heartthrobs get panties thrown at them. Robert Pattinson just gets panties. Hey, if your tampon leaks, Panties Pattinson can have actual blood dribbling down his chin! [Robert Pattinson Life]

Oh sweet Wednesdays, alleviating the happy hangovers of last weekend and preparing us for the crazy times that will be this weekend’s Halloween candy-corn binge. Just like the neighborhood kids, your favorite celebrities are also playing make-believe—although not voluntarily—in the pages of this week’s tabloids. Once again, we’ve compiled the super true-ish stories from this week’s ‘bloids for your unembarrassed perusal. Enjoy, cause this week’s are pretty major.

In a recent interview with the Sydney Morning Herald, Robert Pattinson said that he is totally bewildered by his fame and hopes that “New Moon” will calm down his rabid fans since he’s not the focus of the film. Yeah, fat chance on that. Still, Robert seems to have pretty good perspective on the whole thing. “I just don’t take any of it seriously,” he said. “It’s just a job and while it’s a job I love, girls scream out for Edward [Cullen], not Robert. I still can’t get a date.” Wait just a second. Robert “Sparkles” Pattinson can’t get a date?!?! Not only did he crush the Kristen Stewart rumors, but now fans are going to try to drag him home! [The Insider]

Interestingly, plenty of celebs lament the difficulties of dating while famous. After the jump, a selection of those who say it’s especially hard.

Have you guys heard of this guy Robert Pattinson? Apparently, he stars in some little indie movies called “Harry Potter” and “Twilight”? Well, apparently, lots of people—mainly of the teenage girl variety—are sooooo into him that he’s the subject of a new documentary called “Robsessed,” which is being distributed by Revolver Films and should be out before “New Moon.” The doc looks into his younger years and current life—how he got into acting, how he got cast in these flicks, what kind of socks he wears. Do they really think they’re going to sell more than five copies of this thing? [EW]

I don’t know about you guys, but this has already been the longest week ever and I could use a vacay. But since that’s out of the question, we’ll have to take a vacation with our minds. What better way to do that than indulge in some trashy tabloid drama? We did the dirty work and packaged the headlines in short, easy-to-read blurbs, cause we like you that much!

It’s Wednesday, which means the week is half over and you’ve made it through hump day. But even more importantly, new ‘bloids just hit newsstands. Lest you have to actually buy them, here’s the juiciest and, uh, most ultra-true stories from each.