Yesterday, we, and many, many others, breathed a sigh of relief when Chris Brown told a radio station that he and Rihanna had once again broken up. (They’re both too young for him to be “wife”-ing her, he said.) Humor site The Onion did their spin on the story today, penning the story “Heartbroken Chris Brown Always Thought Rihanna Was Woman He’d Beat To Death,” in which Brown (obviously, not really Brown) laments he’ll never get to murder her in a domestic violence incident. Here’s a sample:
After revealing yesterday that he had recently split up with longtime girlfriend Rihanna, a heartbroken Chris Brown tearfully told reporters that he always thought the 25-year-old singer was going to be the woman he’d beat to death one day. “Despite all the ups and downs, I was so sure Rihanna was the one I’d take by the throat one day and fatally assault, and even toward the end I continued to hold out hope that we’d be together until the day she died at my hands from blunt-force trauma,” Brown, 24, said in a radio interview this week, telling DJs he still has abusive feelings for his ex-flame and is hopeful that he might punch her again one day.
Simply, I thought the piece was cringe-inducingly hilarious — it’s supposed to make you viscerally uncomfortable about how far domestic violence can go. Not everyone agrees, instead seeing it as mocking violence against women of color. Keep reading »
I actually think Rihanna’s outfit here is cute– I love the crazy printed top with the shorts. But those shoes. THOSE SHOES SANDALS WHATEVER. They look kind of like those fake, detachable legs or leg braces. Which are great if you don’t have legs and need them, but they make for very odd shoe-inspiration. Also, clearly a pain in the ass to get on and off. [Photos: INF Daily]
There is a mystery blonde who is now being tagged as a homewrecker – actually just the catalyst in the latest supposed Chris Brown and Rihanna breakup. She insists she is not fooling around with Breezy because she doesn’t date black guys.
Keisha Kimball, 22, works at the Playhouse nightclub in Los Angeles and a photo of her holding onto Breezy’s hand on Saturday night (April 6) was splashed online and her new status as the reason for a ChRihanna split was cemented. Read more on PopCrush…