Tag Archives: revenge

What’s The Worst Thing You’ve Done For Revenge After A Breakup?

Of course I’ve never been through a breakup that left me feeling like a woman scorned. And I’ve definitely never been so desperate for revenge that I signed my ex up for an extreme kitten lovers email listserv when he hated cats. OK, maybe I did. I’m sorry, I know it’s awful. It was just that it brought me so much joy imagining all the kitten SPAM he would receive at work. Sigh, if only I had the 30-Day Breakup Guide to help me through the hard times. After the jump, some more embarrassing tales of post-breakup revenge. See, I’m not alone. Fess up in the comments, if you dare.
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8 Reasons NOT To Get It On

As I’m sure you’re well aware, there are many good reasons to have sex. In fact, sometimes you don’t need any reason at all—other than, say, loving your partner.

However, sometimes a lady finds herself doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. That’s what we’re here to cover. So if you find yourself in any of the following situations, please extricate yourself as quickly as possible:

Revenge: The most popular very-wrong reason to have sex, revenge sex never ends well. Hooking up with his best friend because you’re angry at your boyfriend will get you nowhere.

I’m not knocking or talking about the sex professionals out there—this is for the amateurs among us. Just because he bought you a lobster doesn’t mean you need to give up dessert. Catch my drift?

Ego Gratification: You must be fine if that scorching hot bartender took you home. Or not. Men have been known to do some unsavory things for physical gratification—surely you’ve heard the recent story of the guy who tried to fornicate with a park bench? The fact that he’s willing and able doesn’t say squat about your appeal.

Appliance Envy: Your roommate “doesn’t believe” in air conditioning. You can’t afford premium cable and are addicted to “Weeds.” You’re desperate to try out Wii Fit. All of these desires are perfectly rational. However, they are absolutely not worth the price of waking up next to someone you otherwise cannot stand. (Well, except for the AC, but that’s only if it’s above 100 F.)

Weight Loss: Yes, you may have read those women’s magazine articles about how being physically intimate can help you shed pounds. However, a 120-pound woman burns only 57 calories during 15 minutes of sex. That’s less than half a Hostess Ho-Ho. The sweat could do nice things for your skin, but your waist will remain the same size.

Clarity: Ever since you were nine years old and saw that topless Kate Moss Calvin Klein ad, you’ve had a hunch you were same-sex oriented. Unfortunately, the thought of sharing this with anyone scares you, so you get yourself a boyfriend. But you can’t stop thinking about that ad….

Mercy: Empathy for a sad soul is one thing; holding an intimate pity party is quite another. Oh, and you know that saying, “no good deed goes unpunished?” It goes triple in this instance. Misery loves company—good luck getting him out of your apartment.

Quid Pro Quo:

I’m not knocking or talking about the sex professionals out there—this is for the amateurs among us. Just because he bought you a lobster doesn’t mean you need to give up dessert. Catch my drift?

Fame By Association: He’s famous, you want to be. Contrary to what you might’ve surmised from that old Pamela Des Barres book, “I’m With The Band: Confessions Of A Groupie,” fame is not transmissible through intimate contact. However, lots of other things are, so watch out.

Quickies: Glue-Happy, Revenge-Seeking Women Have Been Convicted & Bible Burlesque

  • Back in August we wrote about four women who glued their cheating man’s penis to his stomach. Well, three of the women have been convicted for their participation in the crime. [Fox 6 Now]
  • Teahas become a trendy drink for younger, more discerning fans. [Reuters]
  • Classic Valentine’s Day gifts have their advantages, but there’s also a bit of a cheese factor. [TrèsSugar]

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Girl Talk: What Can I Say? Scorned Mistresses Do Crazy Things

When spurned mistress LaVaughnie Wilkins put up billboards around Manhattan to embarrass her former lover, Charles Phillips, the only thing that surprised me about it was how publicly she chose to do it. But “getting revenge” didn’t surprise me at all. Spurned mistresses want revenge. Spurned mistresses go for the jugular. Spurned mistresses do crazy things because they are hurt.

Last year I fooled around with a guy who had a girlfriend. While we were cheating, he repeatedly told me he wanted to break up with his girlfriend to be with me and, like an idiot, I believed him. Lots of bad stuff happened and I lost my temper, big time: I wrote a long email to this guy’s girlfriend explaining everything about how he’d been two-timing her with me and sent it to her work email.

I’m not particularly proud of this story, but I’m going to tell it to you anyway. Keep reading »

Blogging Is The Best Revenge

You know who’s not having a very Merry Christmas? The guy kissing the hot chick on the left. His name is Carmelo and for three months he was carrying on an affair with the hot chick (her name is Sheryl), even though he had a girlfriend. Sheryl, who writes a blog called “Musings of an Irate Commuter,” did not know Carmelo had a girlfriend. You see, their love story started out oh-so-romantically. Carmelo posted a “Missed Connection” ad about her, after crushing on her during the train ride to work every morning. Sheryl actually saw the ad on Craigslist and responded, and the rest, as they say, is history. Well, sort of… Keep reading »

Poll: What Do You Think Of Cheating To Even The Score?

What Do You Think Of Cheating To Even The Score?

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