Tag Archives: respect

Calling Out Tone-Policing Has Become Tone-Policing

Calling Out Tone-Policing Has Become Tone-Policing

I belong to a online networking group for writers that is wonderful and full of awesome people and fantastic resources, but tends on the side of being, I don’t know, sensitive. One of the complaints I’ve seen the most, recently, is that one or another person is tone-policing. That phrase was originally used to call people out for claiming that someone’s argument was invalid if they were emotional about it, and in communities of women, GLBTs, people of color, and other marginalized groups, it was useful to be able to put words to the phenomenon, to say “You’re tone-policing me; what I’m saying is true and factually correct, and of course I’m upset about it, it affects me personally.” Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Unwanted Touching Is Unacceptable At Any Age (Yes, Even Age 6)

kids hugging

This piece is crossposted with permission from RebeccaHains.Wordpress.com.

In this week’s news, a six-year-old boy in Colorado was suspended from school. The reason? He had repeatedly kissed one of his classmates, despite her telling him to stop.

The girl’s mother, Jade Masters-Ownbey, noted that the boy’s behavior had been an ongoing problem. The boy had pursued her daughter “not once, but over and over … not with her permission but sneaking up on her…not without warning and consequences prior to suspension,” according to the Canon City Daily Record.

“I’ve had to coach her about what to do when you don’t want someone touching you, but they won’t stop,” Masters-Ownbey told the Record.

Meanwhile, the boy’s mother, Jennifer Saunders, characterized the boy’s actions as stemming from an “innocent crush.” Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s Friends Act Like I Don’t Exist”

My boyfriend is awesome, supportive, and ultimately even more of a feminist than I am. The problem is that I can’t help but feel like I get treated differently (by others) for being the woman in the relationship. Most of the men we mutually know treat me as if I don’t exist when they’re around my boyfriend and me. For example, my boyfriend and I used to throw house shows for local bands, many of whom we are friends with. Frequently, I would plan these shows on my own, and personally direct correspondence with the bands. As soon as they arrived to our house, though, they would direct all of their questions to my boyfriend instead of me, even though they knew I was the one who planned it. Another instance is one of our male roommates, who will speak to me one-on-one, but as soon as the three of us are together, he will not address me, and I’m given a strange look and am immediately brushed off if I try to contribute anything. I don’t feel as if I’ve done anything to make these men see me as incompetent, and my boyfriend and I certainly don’t advertise him as “the boss” or something. It’s starting to kill my self-esteem and causing me to resent my relationship. Could I possibly be doing something wrong that causes men to treat me this way, or is this really just a hazard of being “the girlfriend”? Is there anything I can do to change things? — Hear Me Roar

Keep reading »

Conservative Women To Honor “Gentlemen” On Campus This March

It’s Women’s History Month, sisters, but you wouldn’t know it based on one women’s group’s plans. The Network of Enlightened Women, a conservative group, is hosting its annual Gentleman’s Showcase on college campuses during the month of March. The Gentleman’s Showcase seeks to honor young men who “behave like gentlemen” based on a set of criteria — both general and specific — explained on NEW’s web site. Young men have been nominated in the past by women because they carried groceries, shoveled snow, opened doors and other so-called “gentlemanly” behavior. There is no prize, per se, but the accolades of conservative women everywhere!

While I don’t know why NEW has to co-opt Women’s History Month for their Gentleman’s Showcase, nor do I agree that traditional gender roles should be enforced on anyone, I don’t inherently think the idea of positively acknowledging “nice guys” on college campuses is a terrible idea. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: The Phone Call Rule

At brunch on Sunday, my friend Liza explained to me what she calls “the phone call rule.”

“Now that I’m out of the ‘one-night stand’ game, I have a rule that if I hang out with a guy that I’m dating, even casually, and we engage in intimate activities, I tell him that I would appreciate a phone call from him the next day.”

“Really?” I asked, my jaw kind of dropping.

“Yeah. I politely tell him that a phone call the next day represents respect,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be a long phone call, or anything. I just want him to ask me if I’m doing OK or tell me he had a good time or whatever. Is this really too much to ask?”

My first reaction was, “Yes.” Then again, this is coming from a girl who felt weird asking a guy I had just engaged in “intimate activities” with to help me find a cab at 3 a.m. Keep reading »

Does “Shush” Mean The Same Thing As “Shut Up”?

Let’s be honest: every relationship has a moment—OK, a lot of moments—where one person just wants the other person to shut up. Whether it’s in the middle of a fight or just during a stressful moment, the sound of the other person’s voice is just bothering you.

But saying “shut up,” as we all learned in grade school, is just rude. Relationships thrive on kindness and telling your partner to “shut up” is about as disrespectful as you can get. So, how to you get your boo to cease and desist talking/nagging/complaining while still showing some respect? Keep reading »

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