Tag Archives: respect

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s Friends Act Like I Don’t Exist”

Wendy AtterberryApril 20, 2011 //

My boyfriend is awesome, supportive, and ultimately even more of a feminist than I am. The problem is that I can’t help but feel like I get treated differently (by others) for being the woman in the relationship. Most of the men we mutually know treat me as if I don’t exist when they’re around my boyfriend and me. For example, my boyfriend and I used to throw house shows for local bands, many of whom we are friends with. Frequently, I would plan these shows on my own, and personally direct correspondence with the bands. As soon as they arrived to our house, though, they would direct all of their questions to my boyfriend instead of me, even though they knew I was the one who planned it. Another instance is one of our male roommates, who will speak to me one-on-one, but as soon as the three of us are together, he will not address me, and I’m given a strange look and am immediately brushed off if I try to contribute anything. I don’t feel as if I’ve done anything to make these men see me as incompetent, and my boyfriend and I certainly don’t advertise him as “the boss” or something. It’s starting to kill my self-esteem and causing me to resent my relationship. Could I possibly be doing something wrong that causes men to treat me this way, or is this really just a hazard of being “the girlfriend”? Is there anything I can do to change things? — Hear Me Roar

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Conservative Women To Honor “Gentlemen” On Campus This March

Jessica WakemanMarch 1, 2011 //

It’s Women’s History Month, sisters, but you wouldn’t know it based on one women’s group’s plans. The Network of Enlightened Women, a conservative group, is hosting its annual Gentleman’s Showcase on college campuses during the month of March. The Gentleman’s Showcase seeks to honor young men who “behave like gentlemen” based on a set of criteria — both general and specific — explained on NEW’s web site. Young men have been nominated in the past by women because they carried groceries, shoveled snow, opened doors and other so-called “gentlemanly” behavior. There is no prize, per se, but the accolades of conservative women everywhere!

While I don’t know why NEW has to co-opt Women’s History Month for their Gentleman’s Showcase, nor do I agree that traditional gender roles should be enforced on anyone, I don’t inherently think the idea of positively acknowledging “nice guys” on college campuses is a terrible idea. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: The Phone Call Rule

Ami AngelowiczApril 7, 2010 //

At brunch on Sunday, my friend Liza explained to me what she calls “the phone call rule.”

“Now that I’m out of the ‘one-night stand’ game, I have a rule that if I hang out with a guy that I’m dating, even casually, and we engage in intimate activities, I tell him that I would appreciate a phone call from him the next day.”

“Really?” I asked, my jaw kind of dropping.

“Yeah. I politely tell him that a phone call the next day represents respect,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be a long phone call, or anything. I just want him to ask me if I’m doing OK or tell me he had a good time or whatever. Is this really too much to ask?”

My first reaction was, “Yes.” Then again, this is coming from a girl who felt weird asking a guy I had just engaged in “intimate activities” with to help me find a cab at 3 a.m. Keep reading »

Does “Shush” Mean The Same Thing As “Shut Up”?

Jessica WakemanJanuary 20, 2010 //

Let’s be honest: every relationship has a moment—OK, a lot of moments—where one person just wants the other person to shut up. Whether it’s in the middle of a fight or just during a stressful moment, the sound of the other person’s voice is just bothering you.

But saying “shut up,” as we all learned in grade school, is just rude. Relationships thrive on kindness and telling your partner to “shut up” is about as disrespectful as you can get. So, how to you get your boo to cease and desist talking/nagging/complaining while still showing some respect? Keep reading »

Facials: Are They Demeaning?

Jessica WakemanAugust 21, 2009 //

It’s called the money shot. In straight porn it involves the male giving the female what is euphemistically called “a facial.” (Not the kind from Bliss Spa.) In some porn films, the facial is played up to emphasize his humiliation of and domination of her, but in other porn flicks, the money shot is just something the actors do. In real life, I suspect facials happen more for pleasure than for humiliation, seeing as women have a little thing called self-respect. But when I recently mentioned facials in my 10 Things Women Forget To Do During Sex piece, a hootenanny of condemnation—and defense—broke out in the comments section of that post. Keep reading »