Generally, I don’t like making New Year’s resolutions. All too often, I feel like I’m jinxing myself. The minute I say I want X, I find myself doing Y. At the same time, I’m not crazy about the idea that dating is a random act over which I have no control. In hopes of better love in 2009, my sex and dating resolutions are after the jump.

If you’re a Heeb like me, Christmas can be one long, boring day off. None of your friends are around to hang out, you probs have nothing to do besides watch TV reruns of Christmas specials—snooze-a-palooza! Well, just because the mall and every restaurant is closed—besides the Chinese joint—doesn’t mean you can’t fill your day with fun!  Here are 10 Cool Things To Do On Christmas:

1. See A Flick:  Movie theaters stay open.  Plus, around Christmas, there are a lot of future Oscar contenders out like “The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button.” Or, you know, “Marley & Me.”
2. DIY Dildo: For that crafty bitch with some time on her hands, make your own masturbator.  Or if you’re too lazy, you can just get off with these household items.