One of the most frequently asked questions I hear since my now-husband and I got engaged earlier this year isn’t “When are you guys going to have kids?” or “Are you keeping your name?” Rather, it’s this: “So, are you going to convert?” I was raised Lutheran, you see, my husband is Jewish, and the answer is “no.” The longer answer is: “No, but we’re going to raise our children Jewish.”  And the funny — and truthful — answer is: “No, I’m not going to convert, but my sister is!”

This morning on "The View," the ladies (and I use that term loosely, as these hyenas talk over each other incessantly) discussed the weekend nuptials of Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner. Ivanka converted to Judaism so she would share the same religion as her new hubby. Barbara decided she would not ever convert, but we don't really care what she thinks, because she's fairly out of it, so that's why we're gonna ask you.

This is interesting: a new study done by Trinity College confirmed that more women than men believe in God. In a survey of Americans who claim to be unaffiliated with any religion, 19 percent of men were nonbelievers while only 12 percent of women were. These stats are particularly ironic because, historically, major religions have not been, err, particularly kind or accommodating to women, not to mention the huge elephant in the room—that many major religions don’t have female leaders. So what gives? Why are the ladies more committed to God in spite of the obvious lack of preferential treatment?

Ever wonder what happened to “Growing Pains” hottie Kirk Cameron? He’s been very busy. He’s not squandering his teenage fortune on pimped-out cars or smoking crack rock. Oh no! He’s putting his acting skills to very good use in this totally sane and informative infomercial about the evils of evolution and atheism. What’s he pedaling you ask? A special re-issued version of Darwin’s Origin of the Species, complete with full-color illustrations and some new fun facts about why Charles Darwin was really a Hitler-inspiring, misogynistic atheist. I knew it! Thanks Kirk! It’s such an essential text that no one even has to pay for it. In order to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the book, Kirk and his church friends will be giving them out at top learning institutions all over America. Whoopee! [BuzzFeed]

While I know that Hollywood stardom could make just about anyone a little nuts, some celebs find interesting ways to deal with the stress. Interesting religious ways that is. After the jump, some celebs that have gone cuckoo for religion.

One dude is going to extreme lengths to stop himself from masturbating. Brian “Head” Welch, who used to play guitar is that awful band KoRn (yeah, I said it!) and is already heavily tattooed, has gotten JESUS tattooed across his knuckles so he’s deterred from playing his own instrument. How not metal. He explains:

“The Jesus tattoo on my hand keeps me from masturbating and I haven’t been with a woman since my ex-wife left me almost five years ago. I go to those extremes to be like Christ and it works for me.”

Now I know as well as anyone how hard it can be to get over a bad breakup, but seriously?  [Needles And Sins]

In “bonnet books,” as Amish romances are called, the author’s idea of a sexual climax is typically a few (sinful!) kisses spread throughout 300 pages. Sounds hawt, huh? But Amish romances, such as ones by Beverly Lewis, Wanda Brunstetter, and Cindy Woodsmall, are selling by the millions. Says Barnes & Nobel book buyer, Jane Love, “It’s almost like you put a person with a bonnet or an Amish field in the background and it automatically starts to sell well!” [WSJ]

Yet “bonnet books” surely have more readers than just God-fearing folks who churn their own butter. (I’ve seen the books on the Borders’ shelves shopped by my fellow Connecticut suburbanites and, trust me, those people are pretty depraved.) I guess temptation, forbidden love and scandal—whether with vampires, NASCAR drivers, or the Amish—appeal to everybody!

After the jump, a few sexy, saucy bits from Amish romance novels that’ll have your bonnet all tied up.

Holy hell! A Baylor University study of over 3,500 chicks found one in every 33 who goes to worship services at least once a month has been on the receiving end of sexual advances by a religious leader. This happened despite the fact that clergy-congregation sexual relationships are illegal in two states and 36 denominations have rules explicitly saying “thou shalt not hit on your parishioners.” [Washington Post]—Yet another example of porn plots which are inappropriate for real life.

The Wall Street Journal frets that women might feel “betrayed” by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love. Why? The most famous single woman since Bridget Jones got married and wrote a book (Committed) about it. [WSJ]—Umm, women never looked up to her as some kind of feminist icon. We’re just jealous she got to travel to Italy, India and Bali to recover from her divorce while we get stuck nursing breakups in our apartments.

The U.K. briefly considered liberalizing their TV ad restrictions allowing condom commercials to air before 9 p.m. and permitting spots for abortion services, but they postponed a decision on the matter after 40,000 people responded. The teen pregnancy rate is at its highest in the past decade. [Daily Mail]

 

It’s always awesome to hear male feminists condemn injustices against women—even more awesome when they’re one of the most powerful men in the world.

Writing in London’s Guardian, arguably the cuddliest ex-president ever, Jimmy Carter, said God would not be happy with how religion is used to sanction violence against women and girls, forced prostitution, and genital mutilation:

This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women’s equal rights across the world for centuries…We need to challenge these self-serving and out-dated attitudes and practices…The truth is that male religious leaders have had — and still have — an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter.

Carter could have taken the wussy way out and been more polite to religious leaders, as not to offend. But he had the chutzpah to say this is not what Jesus would do.

You may call fashion your religion, but for some, religion really is fashion. Take the Sikhs, who wear turbans as a sign of commitment to their religion. Yet, more and more, youths are abandoning the headgear as well as facial hair, causing upset community members to react by promoting turbans as a fashion item. Reports the Calcutta Telegraph: “Sikh community leaders…are planning turban-tying contests and fashion shows to convey the message the turbaned look is ‘cool’.” Leaders have also called for fashion rags: “We need a Sikh fashion magazine to promote uncut hair, the beard and the turban as cool and clean. We should use persons like Manmohan Singh as role models,’’ said one representative. But that might prove hard to sway some kids like a Delhi teen named Rocky Singh who believes that, “faith is deeper than a turban.” Increasingly, religious fashion has sparked controversy, especially in France where President Sarkosy recently stated that burqas are “not welcome in France,” and his predecessor, Chirac, outlawed “religious symbols” in school, that targeted Islamic head scarves. [Telegraphindia.com]

Matchmaker Steven Ward of “VH1 Tough Love” says that revealing too much information on a first date can scare a potential partner away. He advises the women not to discuss religion, politics, past relationships, etc. I can see where Steve is going with this advice, but I think it’s more helpful in the long run to get some of these touchy subjects out in the open early. I dated this guy long distance for a few months. He and I would go out when I was in Atlanta. The topic of religion came up one night at dinner. Since he had never discussed religion, Christianity, or going to church, I kind of assumed that none of these things were important to him. Boy was I wrong! We spent the whole night debating Christianity and my lack of faith, while other Bible-thumping patrons gave me dirty looks. We never connected again, and I think that if we had discussed religion earlier in our courtship, we would have realized we weren’t right for each other and would have saved a lot of time. I’ve learned my lesson now and tend to discuss touchy subjects when I begin dating someone new. But I realize there are pros and cons to this line of thinking. More after the jump.

A pastor in Texas thinks the best way to get closer to God is to have a ton of sex (if you’re married, that is). Rev. Ed Young, pastor of the evangelical Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Texas, issued a “sexperiment” challenge to his congregation of 20,000: sex every day for seven days. Sex, Rev. Young explained, “will bring you closer to your spouse and to God. You will perform better at work, leave a loving legacy for your children to follow and may even prevent an extramarital affair.” But for those of us unmarried folks, us social pariahs who really don’t deserve the benefits of intimacy, Rev. Young suggests we just “eat chocolate cake.” “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations” Young quoted from the book of Corinthians to his congregation. Unless you happen to be single, of course. [via NYTimes]

James was the boyfriend who did everything right.

He asked me out first, and asked me out again the very next day. He didn’t play games. He called if he’d be late, if he missed me, just to say hello. He listened patiently. He dressed well. He told me I was beautiful whether I was opera-ready in a ballgown or sweaty from a day-long hike. He’d plan lavish marathon dates with rooftop picnics or bonfires on the beach. He was tall, athletic, and good-looking. He held the door for women, and not just the attractive ones. He loved me.

My friends approved. My brother hung out with him. My parents loved him. James, it seemed, was good enough for everyone.

But no one was good enough for James.

In my opinion, getting married as a religious person is much easier than getting married as an Atheist or an Agnostic because deciding who is going to officiate the ceremony is so filled with confusion, it would just be simpler to say, “Well I guess Father Tom will take care of business.”

I am not religious. I don’t not believe in something bigger than, you know, this life, but I just haven’t decided how God figures into that yet. I also don’t understand this need for people to know what happens after we die—whether we rot into the soil or go to heaven and have sex with virgins—because how can you be sure about either and also? Isn’t it kind of exciting not knowing?

Theologians in the middle ages devoted a lot of time to thinking about which sex positions were more pleasurable, and therefore more evil. They even distributed special handbooks to those who confessed with suggested penance lengths for various positions and sex acts. The suggested penance for having dorsal sex (woman on top) was three years of bread, water, and abstinence from exotic congress. Anal sex required three years penance if it was with an adult but only two years if it was with a boy. Perhaps the theologians wanted to let clergy off easy? [The Smart Set]

Nothing says Penthouse magazine quite like boobs, a g-string, and good Christian morals….wait, whaaaa? The porno publication famous for its scantily clad “pets” has been saved from financial ruin by branching out into internet dating with BigChurch.com. The site, which boasts a half a million members nationwide, is like a conservative Jesus-loving version of JDate.com. Sexy pickup lines include “Love God and you will be loved too,” “Trying 2 find the Light can u help,” and “I’m looking for Christian woman with mature thinking for good relationship.” [Newsweek]

GodTube is so awesome. A sin-free alternative to YouTube, GodTube has all sorts of Christian videos, including ones that teach sinners lessons. Like this guy, who gets busted watching dirty, disgusting porn by Jesus Christ himself! Isn’t it kind of blasphemous to suggest that Jesus has a mullet? Pretty sure he’d like to be thought of as more stylish than that. [GodTube]

Admittedly, we’re not the most religiously educated group of folks on the internet, but maybe someone should take away Mitt Romney’s Book of Mormon and give him a good hard spanking with it. An ABC News blogger notes that while on the campaign trail in New Hampshire, Romney pointed out the large leaves in a couple’s front lawn and said, “Adam and Eve would not have looked as promiscuous if they had had leaves this big.” Um, correct us if we’re wrong, but Adam and Eve didn’t start rocking the foliage until after they ate the forbidden fruit and became ashamed of their nekkidness. For a man who wears his faith on his sleeve, Romney is scarily ignorant to God’s word. And second of all, if you’re the only man on Earth and you have sex with the only woman on Earth, how does that make you promiscuous?  [ABC News]