Tag Archives: relationship issues

Life After Dating: The Case For Living Separately

Life After Dating: The Case For Living Separately
Don't Cohabitate!
John DeVore doesn't believe in living together. Read More »

My boyfriend Max and I don’t live together, but since it takes about two minutes to walk from my place to his, I sometimes feel like we do. When I first started thinking about moving to his neighborhood, the idea had been to move in with him (we’ve been together two years), but when an apartment nearby became available at a freakishly good deal for the area, it was too awesome to pass up. He’s lived in the same apartment for years, and I’ve grown to see it as a home away from home, so that’s where we spend most of our time, but now I also have a cozy little place to call my own as well. In the past, when our houses were a long subway ride apart, we’d spend longer stretches of time at one another’s place to avoid the commute, so these days, we actually tend to see each other less than before. Our little in-between setup gives us a lot of opportunity to see what kinds of hurdles we might come up against if we did share the same address. These past few months, we’ve learned more than ever about our own habits and about how to compromise to create a happier environment. Keep reading »

True Life: I Hate My Mother

hate my mother

My mother is vindictive, controlling and outright mean. If I could list the ways she passive aggressively told me I was fat, told me my boyfriend was too stupid, too nerdy, too poor, to high maintenance, whatever—if I could count the times she’s implied I was stupid, that my only success would come with marrying a wealthy man or that what I was doing was just not good enough—I’d have a very long list. Read more on College Candy…

5 Easy Ways To “Win” Any Fight (And Feel Better About Yourself)

Advice I'd Give
Tons of wisdom I'd give you if we were friends. Read More »
More Advice I'd Give
5 more pieces of relationship advice I'd give you. Read More »
Angst Advice
Angsty Celebrity Teens
Ami has advice for these angsty celeb teens. Read More »
Two Women Arm Wrestling

When I was in middle school, I was picked to become a peer mediator. At the time, I was just stoked to get out of classes for two days for program-mandated training, but it ended up being some of the most useful stuff I learned in school. The theory behind peer mediation is that kids benefit from resolving conflicts without the express involvement of authority figures, and without the threat of disciplinary action. I only actually mediated on a few cases when I was in school, but the basic tenets of  mediation theory and conflict-resolution philosophy have always stuck with me.

The key to winning any fight is not to fight at all. But if that’s an impossibility, then try these five tips that will help you successfully navigate — and resolve! — any conflict.

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Put Myself On Mute For A Guy — And I’ll Never Do It Again

I like to consider myself a strong and independent woman. I live alone; I take care of myself and never waiver in my beliefs. I’ve managed to convince myself that I’m fearless; I look confrontation in the eye and am without regret in my behavior – even when it isn’t the most flattering or well thought-out way to handle certain situations. I am, admittedly, a hot head.

I do not allow others to define me, put me in a box labeled by how they see me and will scream at the top of my lungs before I’ll ever let someone try to silence me. I am all these things; I have been all these things, and years from now these expectations that I have for myself will still be true. I don’t give a fuck who might be angered or won’t agree along the way. In the words of the great sailor, Popeye, “I am what I am.”

However, there were a few years in there, the dark years, that I was not all these things. When it came to Christoffer, I was a shadow. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Why Checking Your Partner’s Email And Phone Is Not Smart

Snooping His Profile
online dating photo
If your man still has a profile up, there's trouble ahead. Read More »
I Swore I'd Never Snoop
...but then I did. Read More »
Snooping Vs. Stalking
What's the difference between online snooping and stalking? Read More »

Recently, Jools Oliver, wife of chef Jamie Oliver, and writer Samantha Brick both proudly declared that they check their husbands’ emails and phones regularly, and credit their successful marriages in part to such snooping. Oliver said that even though she monitors her husband’s email, phone and Twitter account, “He says I’m a jealous girl, but I think I’m fairly laid-back, considering.”

While it may work for them, I would caution against following their lead. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should find out everything you possibly can about someone, even someone you’re sleeping with or married to. I know because I once read my boyfriend’s email (while using his computer with his permission) and found out he’d been sleeping with prostitutes while having unprotected sex with me, and promptly broke up with him. Do I wish I’d remained ignorantly blissful for a little while longer? Not necessarily, but it was a harrowing way to find out. With an ex, I read an email that criticized me in a way that I’ve never forgotten, and in that case, I wish I hadn’t seen it, because it wasn’t intended for me. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Lies About His Porn Viewing”

I’ve been with my boyfriend — my first boyfriend — for almost two years now. I am away from home at school, only an hour and half drive away, and we see each other every weekend. He stays with me when he comes to visit. Recently the past couple of times he has come to visit, he uses my computer while I am away for class for a couple hours. At this recent account, I came back to my room and noticed that the floor was a little damp in a certain area right next to his chair. I asked him what happened and he said he spilled something. Later after he left, I was on my computer and up popped up porn sites. Then it dawned on me that he had not spilled something on the floor … if you know what I mean … So, I checked my history and found even more porn sites. According to the timeline of the days’ events, I know he looked at this right after I left for class, so right when he woke up and got out of bed.

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m Divorced, Get Over It

This month marks the six-year anniversary of my divorce. A lot has changed since then. I’ve lived on my own (no parents, roommates, boyfriend, or husband). I dated again for the first time in a long time (how long? there was no internet the last time I dated). I changed jobs, got another degree, changed careers, moved across the country. Fell in love again.

I’m happy, extremely so. So why do people still act sorry for me when they hear I’m no longer married and the reason why? Keep reading »

Girl Talk: On Being A Slob

My name is Winona and I am a slob.

Growing up, my mom affectionately referred to my bedroom as “the pig sty,” and rightfully so: the clothing, books, art supplies and cereal bowls that covered the floor would often reach knee-height before I felt the urge to tidy up a bit. At some point my brothers began gathering up the trash from their cars and setting it my room instead of putting it in the garbage. Months would pass before I found the bags of Slurpee cups and cracked Green Day CDs.

When I moved into my college dorm, my roommate was also a slob, and within months the trek from our doorway to our beds had become eerily reminiscent of the scene in “Star Wars” where Luke Skywalker falls into the Death Star’s garbage compactor. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “We Don’t Have Sex Anymore”

My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year. We used to have sex several times a day, but over the past six months it has decreased significantly. We are in an intense graduate program, so last semester both of us were quite swamped with work and lost our libidos. After the stress of the semester was over, things picked up again over winter break. But now, this semester, neither of us has the excuse of a “ton of work” anymore. I have asked him why we don’t have sex (at this point, it has been about three weeks) and his response is “because you’ve been mean to me recently, and when you’re mean it does not make me attracted to you.” That’s fine. I can work on being a nicer person and better girlfriend. But I feel like it’s a vicious cycle — I’m mean, so he doesn’t want to bang. But then I’m nice and since we are still not banging I freak out and get worried and thus become mean again. So my question: should I shut up and work on being nicer instead of expecting our sex life to turn around on its own? — Mean Girl

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: How “Intervention” Helped Me To Forgive

I was really young and naïve when I met Christian* at a nightclub. By “young,” I mean 18 and by “naïve,” I mean an inexperienced dater who thought men would only like me for my intelligence.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Christian asked some other club goers in line. I looked behind me to see where the beautiful girl was. I certainly didn’t think it was me. But he pointed at me again. He was standing in the club’s entryway wearing big, Buddy Holly glasses, black leather pants, and reeking of “teen icon.” Then he smiled – a wide, devilish grin. With one hand, he offered me a lollipop; with the other he held a whiskey on the rocks. In fact, in the four years (on and off) that we were involved, Christian usually had a whiskey on the rocks. It was like his signature accessory. Keep reading »

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