It was early spring, late afternoon, a couple of years ago and I was having beers and burgers with some girlfriends. It was warm enough that we sat on the patio outside where we ate and drank and talked about boys.
I was the youngest in the group — still a few months shy of my 30th birthday and conversation soon turned to the challenge of finding a good man before we all died alone with a bunch of cats in the living room and stale cereal in the cabinet.
“I don’t understand why it’s so hard,” I said, “I just want someone who’s funny and charming and kind and gracious and creative and ambitious and smart. Curly hair, glasses and dimples don’t hurt either,” I added.
My friend Meg immediately said she knew the perfect guy for me — that he was everything on my list.
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This weekend, Anne Hathaway hosted “Saturday Night Live”. Her opening monologue was the funniest of the season, so far, as she poked fun at her breakup with Italian lothario/scammer Raffaello Follieri . The appearance not only made me like Hathaway more — she’s not the little priss from “The Princess Diaries” after all! — but it also made me think about the notion of laughter being the best medicine during a breakup. Keep reading »
The other day I was reading an article about the 8 ways to trick your brain into spending less (sadly, booze didn’t make the list) and one of the tips was to “satisfice yourself.” Thinking that might require batteries or something, I sailed on over to Wikipedia for a definition and discovered that satisfice is basically a made up a word, blended from the words “satisfy” and “suffice.” The author of the article explained, “When you satisfice, you don’t let an impossible quest for the perfect option destroy your enjoyment of the merely OK.” Hmm, I thought, is that sort of like just accepting that your boyfriend prefers watching, like, 15 hours of baseball every week instead of “The Real Housewives of New York City” marathons?
To clarify, satisficing isn’t the same thing as settling. Settling is accepting the merely OK despite a very a real possibility of finding and achieving better. Satisficing is understanding when that possibility is pretty much, well, nil…like meeting a straight guy who’d rather watch reality TV than sports. After the jump, ten other scenarios when you just have to satisfice for the sake of your relationship and dating life because your quest is pretty impossible… Keep reading »
“I am an 18-year old college student. I have been dating an amazing guy who is nine months older than me for over two years. He is also in college, but we go to different universities. We have been having sex since I was 17 and the only problem has been my mother, who has disapproved. I thought that when I was in college she would leave me alone. realize that I am an adult, and give me some freedom. But no. When I recently told her that I had spent the night with my boyfriend, she got mad and said that I should have asked her. She doesn’t know that we have sex (after two years, she could hardly assume two hormonal teenagers would behave like saints), but how can I tell her to back off and that I am not her little innocent girl anymore?” — Bird Who’s Left The Nest, via email Keep reading »
I’m going to come right out and cop to this—I have been dumped more times than I can count. You’d think that after the 5,234th time, I’d be a tad more resilient, but nah. I have mourned certain dead relationships for longer than they went on in the first place and made an idiot of myself over men so patently unworthy, it’s a wonder I haven’t had my feminist card revoked. Lucky for everyone within sobbing distance, I haven’t been dumped in a while, but as a public service I figured I’d share my mistakes so you can learn from them, after the jump… Keep reading »
Well, I did it. A couple of weeks ago, I tied the knot. Got hitched. Became a ball and chain. And got my own ball and chain? People make it sound so weighty. When we got engaged, it did feel huge, like this gigantic life-altering decision that was so…permanent. And it is. I’m not saying it’s not. But you know what? It feels exactly the same as it did before. Yes, it’s still weird to refer to Andy as my husband, rather than boyfriend (never fiancé), and when I called our car insurance to tell them we’d gotten married, they sent us a $13.14 rebate check, which will buy us about four gallons of gas or a week’s worth of coffee, depending on our mood. Keep reading »
So I’ve concluded week two of being “on a break” from my relationship. Newsflash: It still sucks. So far, I’ve progressed from the “so damned depressed I may never emerge from under the covers” stage to the “okay, this may actually be real” stage. I’ve got no idea what week three’s stage will be, but I hope it’s better than this. Still, in the last two weeks, I’ve tried to pay attention to the changes in my life that have come as a result of all this upheaval. What follows are 10 strange things about being suddenly single.
1. Nobody says: “Have A Safe Flight!”: I’m not that anxious when it comes to flying, but I’ve always felt grateful for the times I’ve had someone sitting next to me with a hand I could squeeze. Flying alone, it feels like good luck to have a quickie phone call with someone saying, “I love you! Have a safe flight!” before shutting down my cell at the pilot’s instruction. Not so this time. Keep reading »
While I am on this “break” with the man friend (it remains unclear how long this break will last, FYI), I’ve sworn off certain movies, TV shows, and songs out of fear that they’ll make me depressed. A friend of mine went through a breakup recently and all she did was listen to Morrissey, but wallowing is not really my heartbreak style. I like avoidance and denial. Obviously, I can’t avoid these aspects of pop culture forever and will need to work them gradually back into my life, but for now, there will be no “General Hospital”, or Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend”, or Reese Witherspoon movies. See the rest of the list of Pop Culture No-No’s, after the jump. Keep reading »
My boyfriend and I have been together for just under 2 ½ years and at the risk of sounding gag-arrific, I’ve really never been happier. Not only do we love each other, but we actually like each other a lot, too — two things I’ve learned don’t always go hand in hand. We have tons in common, have a great time together, always make each other laugh, and never run out of stuff to talk about. Among some of our topics of conversations are: vacation plans, buying a place in Brooklyn, having kids (when, why, and what to name them), and whether, when we’re old and gray, we’ll be like the senior couples we see in the park sometimes who hold hands on the bench and swap sections of the Sunday New York Times. One of the topics that doesn’t crop up in our conversations very much, despite everything else we discuss, is marriage, something it seems like a lot of people — my family, especially — can’t seem to understand.
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My relationship status is in limbo. Eight days ago I was engaged. Now I don’t know what I am. I’m not single, but I’m certainly feeling an aloneness that I haven’t felt in four and half years — it’s traumatizing and weirdly liberating all at once. During the first few days of this new stage of my life, I found it impossible to get out of bed, my bones ached, and I had a strong desire to sleep for the next 100 years. But since then I’ve discovered how to pick myself back up and offer to you 10 tips for surviving the first week of heartbreak.
10. Pop Pills: Obtained legally and under the advisement of your doctor, of course. Let’s face it, the first few days, it’s really hard to conceive of life being worth living. I don’t care if you’re all girl power strong and resilient — heartbreak can knock the wind out of any Calamity Jane. that’s why I can vouch for the effectiveness of a nice, doctor-prescribed dose of anti-depressants and sleeping meds to take the edge off. Sleep your ass off and after a couple deep dreams, you’ll wake up feeling refreshed.
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