“My ‘was-boyfriend’ (2/20/87) decided that he and I (5/07/86) should take some time apart after almost three years together. Our first year together was wonderful, and the second was great, but the third had become a little too comfortable — less about love and more about being best friends. He says this isn’t about anyone else, but he isn’t sure that I’m ‘the one.’ Sometimes I feel the same, but I think back to how amazing things were in the beginning. We’ve dealt with more than our fair share of long-distance love, and now he’ll be going to grad school while I’m out in the workforce. Do you think we have a chance of rekindling the romance and falling back in love?” – Tepid Taurus Keep reading »
When I asked an old friend why she hadn’t just broken up with her live-in boyfriend instead of beginning a messy affair with a married neighbor, she snapped, “Don’t be stupid—nobody leaves a relationship without having another one in place.”
Oh, please, I corrected her. Of course they do. People fall out of love or get angry and leave without a safety net all the time. But as I thought back, I realized that for as long as I knew her, she never had. Even when she pretty much hated the one she was with, she stuck it out until she’d lined up his replacement. I could never understand why. My friend is beautiful, successful and very smart; surely being single for a little while wouldn’t end her world.
Women aren’t the only ones guilty of this. I know—and have unfortunately dated——plenty of men who careen from one girlfriend directly into another, often with a big fat overlap; connecting the two relationships like a murky Venn diagram. I understand that being single can be annoying and lonely sometimes, but there are plenty of good reasons not to be—or date!—an Overlapper.
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I’m so confused about my current girlfriend. I’m a Sag and she’s a Libra. A little background info: We’ve only been together since February 13, but it started before that. Recently, I got stationed back home, after being gone for almost four years. I “re-met” this girl Ashley from high school when I was out celebrating my 22nd birthday. It was fireworks from the start. A few weeks later, we started talking about my deployment, and she said the longest she’s been away from a boyfriend is two weeks and even that was too hard. She promised me that she’d wait for me. Up until a week ago (five weeks in), things were good. I emailed her regularly, called her from foreign ports when I could. She even broke down and said that she never really noticed how much I meant to her until I was gone, eventually coming out and saying that she loved me. I knew how I felt about her and told her I loved her, too. Keep reading »
I used to dog sit for two of the cutest pups in the whole world.Their owners gave me strict instructions to always leave the TV on, set to Lifetime, whenever I left them alone. Without fail, when I’d come back, I’d find the dogs lying on the rug together, holding paws and watching the “Golden Girls.” Aww! Those dogs clearly learned a thing or two about how to love each other, and I bet Bea Arthur, as Dorothy Zbornak, taught them a lesson or two. She was always going out with some Tom, Dick (Van Dyke), or Dr. Harry — her neighbor/star of “Empty Nest.” Here are five things we learned from Dorothy’s dating debacles. Keep reading »
Here in the states, couples rarely admit to sleeping in separate beds, but across the pond not only do one in five couples avoid sharing a bed, they claim it improves their sex lives, too. An article in the Daily Mail tells the story of engaged couple Laura Mason and Colin Byers, both of whom are 28 and have slept in separate beds four of the last five years they’ve lived together. Citing sleep incompatibility as the reason for their separate beds — his snoring and warm body temperature keep her awake at night — they say their relationship and sex life improved when they stopped sleeping together: “We are just as close as ever. In fact, as soon as we made the decision, our sex life improved. We’d had a great sex life in our first year together, but having no sleep was making us too tired and irritable to crave that intimacy.” Keep reading »
“I am an Aquarius (born Feb. 13th 1982) and my boyfriend is a Taurus (April 21st 1972). We’ve been together a few months and I have feelings for him, but his behavior confuses me. At first, he was all flowers and calling for no reason, but now he hardly ever calls. When we do meet it’s wonderful and he’s so loving! He sometimes talks about wanting to travel or buy a house, then casually asks me if I’d join him; but at the same time, he hasn’t planned our next rendez-vous himself for a while now. I feel rejected and neglected when he acts this way, but I’m afraid of scaring him off and being too needy if I say anything. So, I’m wondering if we went too fast at first, if he’s losing interest and is afraid to tell me, or if he’s maybe just trying to back off and see if I’m ‘the one’ or what?? So confused!” – Aquarius Lady Keep reading »
A women wrote to Salon.com’s resident advice columnist, Cary Tennis, and as usual, I was a little confused by his answer. That is to say, I really couldn’t figure out what his answer was. The woman wrote that she met a guy a few months ago on Craigslist’s “Just Friends” section. She was new to town and just looking for someone to hang out with, but it didn’t take long before things between them became a bit more romantic in nature. The problem is that when they were just “platonic,” the guy expressed how much he dislikes like blondes, as well as redheads, and that he’s “really only attracted to brunettes — dark brunettes, with dark brown hair and matching dark features.” Unfortunately, this woman is a strawberry blonde, and now she’s self-conscious about her hair color, especially since every time this guy talks about a “girl he thinks is good-looking, or thought was good-looking in the past or whatever, the issue of how dark her hair was always seems to come up in the same way that a normal guy might mention a woman’s legs.” Oh, and “until relatively recently,” she writes, “he was in an extremely long-term relationship with a girl who matched his “ideal” to a T. But he broke up with her. Then again, he’s also mentioned he’s mildly attracted to his cousin. What the hell is going on?” Keep reading »
While some women have trouble with breasts that droop or low-hanging butt cheeks, my heart has always been my least-resilient body part. Like Chet Baker once crooned, I fall in love too easily. And once it ends—especially when it’s not my idea—I tend to have a little trouble getting back up on that passion pony. The worst time was after a six-year relationship went kibosh (translation: he dumped me). I didn’t so much as kiss another man for two years. I know. It still makes me shudder.
Sure, I was busy moaning, moping, sobbing, and sighing for the first six or eight post-dump months, but by month 10, I thought I was ready to move on. For the next year and a half, I kept wondering, mostly aloud, to anyone within earshot, why nothing was happening. It was only in retrospect that I noticed what a basketcase I’d become… Keep reading »
After posting my most recent “Dating Amelia,” I got a very kind email from a reader asking for advice. I got her permission to answer the question on the site.
“I just recently discovered this website and I found a great deal of affinity for your situation, as I am going through the exact same thing myself. I’ve read your ‘Dating Amelia’ posts and they are inspirational. I do have a question for you though. You seem to have no problem finding men who were interested in you. How did you do this? I never get approached by men and always turn out to be the girl they want to be friends with instead of date. I’m 26, in grad school, a book nerd and average-looking. How can someone like me attract a good man? I admit that I am terrified that I will never be enough for a man (this is the reason my ex said he was leaving, that I wasn’t enough). I’ve been told that I might just have to wait until the men in my age group lower their standards, but I don’t want to be the girl someone just settles for. You seem to be coping with this situation so well and moving on in healthy way. Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated.”
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I am a Sagittarius (11/27/75). About 12 years ago I met a Cancer (06/26/73) and from the beginning, it felt like there was an instant bond between us. Over the years we became really good friends and recently started dating. It’s been going well, though I don’t hear much from him. He goes out of town a lot, so I only get to spend time with him twice a month. During the times he’s been away, I’ve spent a lot of time with my single friends going out dancing and that’s when I met a younger Capricorn (12/27/87), who is fun, exciting and the best kisser ever. I’ve been spending less and less time with Cancer and more and more with Capricorn, but I’m not sure if there is any long term potential with him. I would really like to find someone to settle down with, but I just don’t know which one to choose, please help. – Saucy Sag Keep reading »