A women wrote to Salon.com’s resident advice columnist, Cary Tennis, and as usual, I was a little confused by his answer. That is to say, I really couldn’t figure out what his answer was. The woman wrote that she met a guy a few months ago on Craigslist’s “Just Friends” section. She was new to town and just looking for someone to hang out with, but it didn’t take long before things between them became a bit more romantic in nature. The problem is that when they were just “platonic,” the guy expressed how much he dislikes like blondes, as well as redheads, and that he’s “really only attracted to brunettes — dark brunettes, with dark brown hair and matching dark features.” Unfortunately, this woman is a strawberry blonde, and now she’s self-conscious about her hair color, especially since every time this guy talks about a “girl he thinks is good-looking, or thought was good-looking in the past or whatever, the issue of how dark her hair was always seems to come up in the same way that a normal guy might mention a woman’s legs.” Oh, and “until relatively recently,” she writes, “he was in an extremely long-term relationship with a girl who matched his “ideal” to a T. But he broke up with her. Then again, he’s also mentioned he’s mildly attracted to his cousin. What the hell is going on?” Keep reading »
While some women have trouble with breasts that droop or low-hanging butt cheeks, my heart has always been my least-resilient body part. Like Chet Baker once crooned, I fall in love too easily. And once it ends—especially when it’s not my idea—I tend to have a little trouble getting back up on that passion pony. The worst time was after a six-year relationship went kibosh (translation: he dumped me). I didn’t so much as kiss another man for two years. I know. It still makes me shudder.
Sure, I was busy moaning, moping, sobbing, and sighing for the first six or eight post-dump months, but by month 10, I thought I was ready to move on. For the next year and a half, I kept wondering, mostly aloud, to anyone within earshot, why nothing was happening. It was only in retrospect that I noticed what a basketcase I’d become… Keep reading »
After posting my most recent “Dating Amelia,” I got a very kind email from a reader asking for advice. I got her permission to answer the question on the site.
“I just recently discovered this website and I found a great deal of affinity for your situation, as I am going through the exact same thing myself. I’ve read your ‘Dating Amelia’ posts and they are inspirational. I do have a question for you though. You seem to have no problem finding men who were interested in you. How did you do this? I never get approached by men and always turn out to be the girl they want to be friends with instead of date. I’m 26, in grad school, a book nerd and average-looking. How can someone like me attract a good man? I admit that I am terrified that I will never be enough for a man (this is the reason my ex said he was leaving, that I wasn’t enough). I’ve been told that I might just have to wait until the men in my age group lower their standards, but I don’t want to be the girl someone just settles for. You seem to be coping with this situation so well and moving on in healthy way. Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated.”
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I am a Sagittarius (11/27/75). About 12 years ago I met a Cancer (06/26/73) and from the beginning, it felt like there was an instant bond between us. Over the years we became really good friends and recently started dating. It’s been going well, though I don’t hear much from him. He goes out of town a lot, so I only get to spend time with him twice a month. During the times he’s been away, I’ve spent a lot of time with my single friends going out dancing and that’s when I met a younger Capricorn (12/27/87), who is fun, exciting and the best kisser ever. I’ve been spending less and less time with Cancer and more and more with Capricorn, but I’m not sure if there is any long term potential with him. I would really like to find someone to settle down with, but I just don’t know which one to choose, please help. – Saucy Sag Keep reading »
Dating coach Rachel Greenwald was on “The Today Show” this morning schlocking her new book, Why He Didn’t Call You Back. For the book, Greenwald conducted “in-depth” interviews with 1,000 men and in her interview this morning, she laid out the ten main reasons they cited for not calling a woman back. These aren’t so much “reasons,” it turns out, as they are 10 female stereotypes that scare guys away, because of course it’s never about the men and whatever issues THEY might have, but always about the mistakes women make and how screwed up they are. What’s the number one way to buck your particular stereotype and guarantee a call-back? “Be nice,” the dating coach instructs. Watch the full clip above for other insightful advice you never would have thought of on your own. Keep reading »
In my twenties, I dated a guy who was 12 years older than me. In my thirties, I went in the other direction, dating a dude 11 years my junior. (Don’t you dare call me a cougar!) Although both ended rather badly, I feel like that while the gaping age difference didn’t directly cause either relationship’s demise, it certainly didn’t help. Mostly because I wasn’t very graceful about handling it.
So, learn from my mistakes. Whichever way your May/December relationship skews, there are certain pitfalls you should do your best to avoid. Keep reading »
I’m very much attracted to a guy who happens to have the same birthday as me (9/11/84 @ 6:30 pm, don’t know his time). After two drunken makeout sessions, I’m very confused because he has been running hot and cold with me for the past two months. We’re friends and I can’t figure out if he’s afraid to make a move for the sake of the friendship or if he’s not interested. I can’t help but think that it’s significant that we share the same birthday, but am I reading too much into it? – Confused Keep reading »
Recently, we found ourselves in Austin, Texas for South By Southwest’s Interactive Conference. It was a tornado of fish tacos, rain and excessive Twittering. But the rare occasion to have bloggers and big players in new media together for a week made it a perfect opportunity to ask their opinion on the web-couple’s ultimate dilemma: To blog or not to blog… Keep reading »
While watching your buddy cry her eyes out over some unworthy jerk isn’t nearly as painful as getting the heave-ho yourself, it’s still difficult. Most of us want to help our BFFs through breakups, but what do you say? Or, more importantly, what shouldn’t you say? Keep reading »
I’m a Cancer (born June 27, 1989) and my lover is a Virgo (born September 12, 1987). We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. We both have this emotional pull and undeniable attraction towards each other and think we’re soul mates, but something keeps bothering me. I feel like he picks on me a lot. He’s critical about the way I dress and how much I weigh. For example, the day we met, he poked my thigh and was like, “Maybe you should go to the gym and work out.”
I don’t know if I’m being extra sensitive, which I am most of the time, but I love my curves and don’t want to change anything about my body. I run four times a week and eat healthy. Little things he says and does make me think maybe he’s not that into me, even though he claims to want to spend the rest of his life with me and wants me not to leave him. Am I being too sensitive for this harsh Virgo? Am I taking the little things too seriously? – Criticized Crab Keep reading »