I live for good advice, and sometimes I spend a little too much energy attempting to absorb others’ hard-learned lessons into my own life. When I graduated from college, my attempts to gather as much advice as I could from everyone who’d already done it left me so overwhelmed with information that I went on an advice detox for a few months. I think I figured that by asking others about their youth I’d be able to magically skip the rough parts of postgrad life (hah), but it ultimately made me crazy. I’d started to overthink my every move and was so afraid of making a mistake that would ruin my shot at a happy life that I was, in fact, ruining my happy life by dwelling on it every second. My little break forced me to notice how often my friends were taking the same route by asking anyone and everyone to weigh in on their choices. It was like an epidemic, and more than any other topic in the world, the uncertain questions frequently led back to our love lives — even when we were happy as could be with them. Keep reading »
So, I know I’m a killjoy. I know that people like to say cute things to each other when they’re in love because those things sound good whether or not they make any sense. But I’ve heard a few too rational people saying gross, unthinking things about their SO’s lately, and it makes me fear for their sense.
My boyfriend is a big dope, and I instituted a rule a long time ago that if he was going to say anything brainlessly dramatic or sentimental to me, he had to say it in a dramatic whisper so I could laugh at it. I just don’t like saying or being told things that are not literally true for the sake of it sounding loving, when expressing love truthfully is so much harder but so much better. Here’s a list of some whisper-worthy, saccharine, and not-very accurate gushiness that just needs to stop happening in the way we talk about our partners. Keep reading »
We’re feeling a little misty-eyed thinking about true love. Maybe it really does exist, you know? Despite the odds and everything. Maybe there’s more to life than playing the field. Well, you can create your own relationship success by looking for the right traits in a woman instead of just swiping right on everyone on Tinder. Let’s take a look at the top 10 things in a significant other that’ll make for a lasting relationship. Read all 10 traits on TResSugar…
Love: It’s magic, and butterflies in your stomach, and candlelit dinners, and perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, and blah, blah, blah, blah, bleghhh.
Can we cut the crap already? Read all 10 quotes on Your Tango…
It doesn’t matter how bad someone’s makeup is, you should never say one of these eye roll-inducing lines. They are as annoying as telling people what’s wrong with their eyebrows. Someone with crooked eyeliner may not have realized that there are tips to correct shaky hands. Or maybe they haven’t figure out how to contour their faces properly a la Kim Kardashian? (Contouring is difficult and can go wrong very easily). It’s fine to subtly drop a few hints about how to apply mascara to your bottom lashes without it smudging. And you should definitely tell someone if they have white powder all over their face, because that certainly isn’t intentional. Just please be kind and don’t say these comments about someone’s makeup. Read more on The Gloss…
After being in a relationship for 10 years, Nick and I have gotten pretty damn good at dealing with relationship-related issues. We are still learning, of course, and probably always will be, but when it comes to the challenges that arise from sharing a life with someone, we’ve got a solid handle on it. Balancing two people’s needs, addressing conflict in a respectful way, compromising, communicating clearly, owning your own moods, and giving and receiving love freely are all things we’ve become really good at.
And I use the phrase “become really good at” on purpose. These weren’t skills we brought into the relationship as two separate people, these are things we learned from being in a relationship. I’m so grateful to my relationship (and to Nick!) for providing a loving, supportive context in which I could learn these things. I’ve been able to apply them to my friendships, my family relationships, my work, and my writing. The skills you learn in a relationship aren’t only applicable to your relationship — they’re truly valuable in many different areas of your life.
I can’t help but wonder, though, if all the work I’ve done on issues relating to my relationship has been at the expense of work I could have been doing on myself. Keep reading »