I’m a Capricorn (25/12/91) and I’ve been seeing a Pisces (24/02/93) for about one and a half years. Our relationship has been very good most of the time. He is everything a Pisces guy should be: romantic, giving, loving and gentle. However, for the past few months, we’ve had several quarrels that lasted for days, but everything turned out all right in the end and things went back to normal — but just last week, we had another quarrel over a minor issue and I pushed him away in a moment of anger and used harsh words. He took it all in and acted fine, but then later the same day he told me he needed a break.  At first, he told me that the reason was because he didn’t want us to continue like we have been and for things where we wouldn’t be able to keep in contact. I took it for real and told him I would move on. Right after that, he told me he still loved me a lot and that he was simply very tired from the quarrels and needed time to pick himself up. He added that he would return for me when he was feeling better again. I love him very much and asked him to stay. He did. He still tells me he loves me and we still go out often, but he doesn’t seem to be the same. When I am not out with him, he doesn’t talk to me and told me he needed some time alone. He used to be very caring, but now he seems to keep to himself. It is making me feel insecure. I am confused by the reasons he gave for the breakup and I am worried things will remain this way. Is there any way that I can help him or am I just wasting my time hoping things would be like how it was before the breakup? —Lost Capricorn

I am an Aries (3/28/89 at 4:25 a.m.) and the guy is a Libra (10/2/1987). We’ve been dating for two years. However, since late last year, he has been having what I call an “early life crisis.” He wants to hang out with his friends and he restarted his friendship with an ex-girlfriend; there is hardly time for us anymore. Our last conversation became heated when we didn’t listen to what each other had to say. I ranted about how I felt about the direction of our relationship, but the conversation soured quickly. He wants to “figure things out.”

He is learning to grow up on his own after a difficult life with his family. He understands that our relationship has become problematic, and he repeatedly explains that he’s just confused on the direction of his life. I’ve been really patient with him for the past couple months, but I do not know how much longer I can be. I’d like to sit down and talk things out with him, but there’s no effort by him to do so. I feel conflicted on what to do—can we reconcile as a couple or are we better off on our own separate ways? —Confused Aries

I (1/22/89) have been in and out of a serious relationship with my ex (3/04/88) for almost two years. We hit it off right away, but I was leaving for a few months and he didn’t want to do a long distant thing. We dated anyway and things got very serious. After I left, he visited and asked me out. I tried to keep the relationship light, despite my feelings, because I was young and we were far away. However, the biggest problem was he had mood swings and got really nasty. We had one big fight and broke up, but he said he still had feelings for me. We continued to date without having a title because he did not want to.

I (5/10/85) have been dating my boyfriend (6/27/78) for about a year and a half now. Our relationship is the best I’ve ever been in. We hardly fight (and not because one of us is holding something back, we are just highly compatible) and we like a lot of the same things. Our feelings about family, religion, and relationships are also similar.

But after over a year of dating, my boyfriend has yet to tell me he loves me. I brought up the topic about three months ago and he said, “Do I need to spell it out? Don’t my actions show you how I feel?” (I’m the first girl he’s ever introduced to his family and all his friends.) Then he said he hasn’t said the “L” word because there’s something “missing” between us.

Passive aggressive behavior is probably on most people’s list of annoying qualities in another person. Scratch that, passive aggressive behavior usually falls into the category of legit reasons to banish someone for your life. I have never been pro passive aggression, in fact, I get rather peeved when someone pulls the hot/cold routine on me. I think my thoughts on passive aggression and its unfailing ability to make any situation worse is probably shared by most of you. Over the past week or so I have posted on the complexities of friendship, especially girlfriendship, and many of you commented that the tendency for girls to engage in passive aggression was one of the number one reasons you did not pursue female friendships. I was totally on board with this popular sentiment until I realized that not only have I been acting all passive aggressive myself this week, but I was glad I had.

I (8/31/84) have a great man (11/6/86) who couldn’t have a leisurely chat to save his life. He’s of the mindset that he will only speak if it’s of dire importance. The days I feel like being the listener are terrible — filled with awkward silences, where I seek solace in chattier friends and make him feel inadequate. The problem is I’m considering moving in with him after two years of long distance. The times we’ve visited each other are great, because actions really do speak louder than words and he never fails to make me feel like a goddess in person. This only partially quells my fears, because he’s made it very clear he wants to marry me. What is marriage without great communication? I’ve never been with the strong, silent type before, and we get in spats over it all the time. This is our only weak point. I know he’s a great man and I want this to work out.  Scorpios have physical down pat, but I am barking up the wrong tree expecting him to ravish my body and my mind? —Verbal Virgo

I’m a 21-year-old Virgo and this guy I’ve been seeing is a 21-year-old Gemini. Things have been good off and on since last November. We haven’t been exclusively dating because he wants to take things slowly and he just got out of an off/on again relationship with another Virgo. He warned me that he is pretty much a typical Gemini. We get along great and we communicate very well… when we want to. We both have a tendency to hide things, but these days things have been really open between the two of us. He and I broke up twice in the first three months of dating. (I dumped him the second time because he wanted to date other people.)

When I questioned a friend about why she was marrying a guy whom she found only mildly attractive, didn’t enjoy having sex with and wasn’t in love with, she told me this: “Marriage isn’t about love, it’s about finding the person who gets on your nerves the least.”

I recall being both horrified and saddened by her cynicism. But as I pondered it further, I wondered if she might have a point. I was single at the time. A long-term relationship had gone bust a few years earlier and after a hyper-extended mourning period I’d been dating a seemingly non-stop parade of utterly unsuitable suitors.

My favorite sex and relationship columnist, Dan Savage, is now on Nerve and a few days ago he tackled a question from a woman who revealed she started talking marriage with her boyfriend three months into their relationship. Savage balked at this admission. His response, after the jump…

Please help, I can’t tell who the true top in my relationship is! I’m an Aquarian woman (2/6/72, 3:51 pm, Providence, RI) who has been dating a Virgo man (9/11/66, 1:59 am, Concord, NH) for four months. He told me he loved me within a week of dating, and has not hidden the fact that he would love to get married. We slept together on the first date, even though he has only been with a couple of women and claims to be very against casual hookups (I admit to seducing him). We are both extremely kinky, and have great sexual chemistry. 

My question involves which one of us is really the top. I’m an extremely dominant female, and he is very much the man’s man. While he seems to love his rightful place underneath me, sometimes he turns the tables on me out of the blue and pulls rank as the man of the house. I like both apparent sides to his personality coin, but I do worry that perhaps he’s allowing me to do things he doesn’t enjoy because he cares for me so much. I sense a hidden romantic under his tough exterior. I’m also already married to a woman, and although they have always known about each other (my wife and I are polyamorous), he does get jealous at times and I wonder if he will eventually push me to choose him or her. —Aroused Aquarian

“I’m a Libra woman (10/01/85) dating a Gemini woman (05/30/86). We started as friends, but then developed an attraction to each other. I’m a lesbian, but she made all the first moves, even though she identified as straight. She introduced herself, gave me her phone number, invited me over, asked me to be her girlfriend, etc. I feel like I can’t trust her because she has a lot of guy ‘friends,’ some are closer then others. When I try to get intimate with her, she pulls away and says, ‘If I let you, that’s when things will get crazy and I’ll want you all the time.’

I’m a virgin and I feel like she is having sex with other people. I tried talking to her about it, but she says it’s not all about sex. She always talks about herself and hardly anyone knows we’re together. I like her a lot, but I feel she could care less, though she claims to. I’m lost. Help!” —Lost Libra

Whether you’re getting married or have decided to live in (gasp!) sin, the decision to cohabitate is one of the most nerve-wracking, potentially fight-provoking, all-around-scariest things you will do as a couple. Here are some pitfalls to avoid:

1. The Money-Saver Move-In: The recession is kicking everyone’s ass, but if the major reasoning behind your decision to shack up is to save money, don’t. Living together, while fun, is also hard work and you’re going to need a big fat love connection when things get rough.

I don’t know what to do about my Virgo coworker (9/09/77). I’m a much younger Taurus (5/09/87), and he’s been flirting with me since November. He stares at me often—to the point that other workers have noticed and commented. Most of the office assumes that there’s something between us, but we’ve grabbed dinner after work only once (and fast food hardly counts). I’ve asked him out on a few occasions, but he always declines. He says he has issues caused by an ex, who was also younger than him, that he’s still broken up about. Apparently, she left him after he got laid off, and she broke his heart.

He told a mutual friend that he thinks I’m very attractive and that he does like me, but he won’t date me because of the age difference. Personally, I think that age doesn’t matter. I hold a higher position, despite being one of the youngest in our office, and usually act more mature than he does. Is there something more that he won’t own up to? Am I missing something? Is there some way to show him that age is just a number?” —Too Stubborn to Give Up

This week in “Keepin’ It Classy,” I received a letter from a lady who is trying to get back out onto the dating scene, but she’s confused about current social mores:

“I’m recently single and although I’m not quite yet ready to mingle, I do want to go out with my old girlfriends. Now that I have so much free time, I thought that it would make my social life easier, but it totally hasn’t. I’m so used to just hanging out at home with my man or making couple plans, that I don’t know what the protocol for an average date with the girls is. When did I get this lame? If I want to make plans day of, can I text two friends at the same time to see what they’re doing? Or do I have to wait for one to respond first? Making plans to hang out with friends is even tougher than dating!”

“I’m a Scorpio (11/9/84 at 3:08pm) and the guy in question is a Pisces (3/15/84 at 4:26pm). I met him three years ago, and we dated for nine months. We ended up breaking up because he wasn’t able to juggle school, work, friendships and a girlfriend. Since then we have stayed really good friends. Last summer, after about 19 months, we started hooking up again, no strings attached. The problem is, I have been in love with him since the beginning. We both admit there is some strong connection between us, but I’m confused. He stated once before that he was afraid to get back with me because he didn’t want it to end badly and ruin our friendship. We often get into fights that are beyond heated and passionate, only to be fine with each other a few hours later, even if one of us has said we are walking away forever. Things have recently become more confusing since he started hooking up with a much older Gemini woman. Are we a match that will eventually work out when he gets over himself or am I wasting my breath?” —Optimistic Scorpio

“My ‘was-boyfriend’ (2/20/87) decided that he and I (5/07/86) should take some time apart after almost three years together. Our first year together was wonderful, and the second was great, but the third had become a little too comfortable—less about love and more about being best friends. He says this isn’t about anyone else, but he isn’t sure that I’m ‘the one.’ Sometimes I feel the same, but I think back to how amazing things were in the beginning. We’ve dealt with more than our fair share of long-distance love, and now he’ll be going to grad school while I’m out in the workforce. Do you think we have a chance of rekindling the romance and falling back in love?” —Tepid Taurus

When I asked an old friend why she hadn’t just broken up with her live-in boyfriend instead of beginning a messy affair with a married neighbor, she snapped, “Don’t be stupid—nobody leaves a relationship without having another one in place.”

Oh, please, I corrected her. Of course they do. People fall out of love or get angry and leave without a safety net all the time. But as I thought back, I realized that for as long as I knew her, she never had. Even when she pretty much hated the one she was with, she stuck it out until she’d lined up his replacement. I could never understand why. My friend is beautiful, successful and very smart; surely being single for a little while wouldn’t end her world.

Women aren’t the only ones guilty of this. I know—and have unfortunately dated——plenty of men who careen from one girlfriend directly into another, often with a big fat overlap; connecting the two relationships like a murky Venn diagram. I understand that being single can be annoying and lonely sometimes, but there are plenty of good reasons not to be—or date!—an Overlapper.

I’m so confused about my current girlfriend. I’m a Sag and she’s a Libra. A little background info: We’ve only been together since February 13, but it started before that. Recently, I got stationed back home, after being gone for almost four years. I “re-met” this girl Ashley from high school when I was out celebrating my 22nd birthday. It was fireworks from the start. A few weeks later, we started talking about my deployment, and she said the longest she’s been away from a boyfriend is two weeks and even that was too hard. She promised me that she’d wait for me. Up until a week ago (five weeks in), things were good. I emailed her regularly, called her from foreign ports when I could. She even broke down and said that she never really noticed how much I meant to her until I was gone, eventually coming out and saying that she loved me. I knew how I felt about her and told her I loved her, too.

I used to dog sit for two of the cutest pups in the whole world.Their owners gave me strict instructions to always leave the TV on, set to Lifetime, whenever I left them alone. Without fail, when I’d come back, I’d find the dogs lying on the rug together, holding paws and watching the “Golden Girls.” Aww! Those dogs clearly learned a thing or two about how to love each other, and I bet Bea Arthur, as Dorothy Zbornak, taught them a lesson or two. She was always going out with some Tom, Dick (Van Dyke), or Dr. Harry—her neighbor/star of “Empty Nest.” Here are five things we learned from Dorothy’s dating debacles.

Here in the states, couples rarely admit to sleeping in separate beds, but across the pond not only do one in five couples avoid sharing a bed, they claim it improves their sex lives, too. An article in the Daily Mail tells the story of engaged couple Laura Mason and Colin Byers, both of whom are 28 and have slept in separate beds four of the last five years they’ve lived together. Citing sleep incompatibility as the reason for their separate beds — his snoring and warm body temperature keep her awake at night — they say their relationship and sex life improved when they stopped sleeping together: “We are just as close as ever. In fact, as soon as we made the decision, our sex life improved. We’d had a great sex life in our first year together, but having no sleep was making us too tired and irritable to crave that intimacy.”