Every new relationship comes with its own bag of possibilities and pitfalls. We approach new romance hopefully, keeping our eyes peeled for warning signs and red flags that might tip us off about a character flaw or mismatch, and determine an outcome accordingly. But everybody’s past is different, and depending on what you want and need from a relationship, what might be a red flag to one person might not be a red flag to others.
I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the comments on Dater X about what may or may not be red flags in my dating adventures. One commenter wrote “Dater X seems to have a huge problem reading between the lines,” while another said, “It’s becoming pretty clear that something is off in her dating choices.” Do I? Is it? Yeah, I’m going to disagree with you there. I know exactly what I’m looking for and what to be worried about. What I’m not doing is making snap judgments about someone’s character or our potential compatibility based on one thing that’s said or done. What I might see as a no-harm difference in personalities might make you say run as fast as you fucking can. So what exactly are the warning signs that I look for in a new partner? Allow me to explain… Keep reading »
In dating, it’s always important to smile, laugh, respect each other and feel a mutual connection, but until now, I can honestly say I’d forgotten what it feels like to be comfortable with someone, how to be my truest self from the get-go. At no fault of my own, I feel like that missing piece wasn’t something I had much control over. I truly believe it takes the right person to draw that authenticity out of you. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen. But when it does happen, that comfort can create a little blind spot where red flags go to hide. I, more now than ever, am on the lookout for them. Keep reading »
Part of the excitement of meeting someone new is the endless possibilities. This could be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, or the person who can give you an orgasm from oral, or the person who finally understands all of your obscure pop culture references. Getting swept up in the butterflies and the excitement is a blast, but it can also cloud your judgment and lead you to overlook the signs that the person you’re falling for kind of sucks. Let’s preempt part of the relationship where you’re crying over a bottle of alcohol, listening to your favorite Taylor Swift song and wondering where everything went wrong. Beware of anyone who displays any of these traits.
1. Balks at the idea of getting tested. It is the most reasonable idea in the world to want the person you’re having sex with to get tested. This is your health at stake. While most common STIs are curable, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking preventative measures to protect yourself. STIs are not just for “dirty” people, and anyone who thinks that way is not deserving of access to your body. Nor is it a matter of trust. There’s plenty of incentive to lie in this situation, and asking for proof is just pragmatism. Read more…
A man’s Facebook profile is his social resume. The photos, friends and groups he chooses, along with other Facebook features he employs, paint a picture of his personality. Here’s how to find out if that picture is a Rembrandt or rubbish. Keep reading »
Yesterday, I received a letter from a reader who says she has “terrible taste in boyfriends” and gets quickly attached to them and tends to “gloss over any bad attributes they might demonstrate that could represent negative qualities to come.” So, she asked if there were any “lesser known, more subtle relationship red flags” that she should watch for early on. Oh, honey! The list of dating-related red flags could go on and on. But to help save her and others potential relationship train wrecks, I’ve culled 25 of the more outrageous and surprisingly overlooked red flags I’ve heard of. Check ‘em out after the jump. Keep reading »