Sigh. So many assholes, so little time. Unfortunately, there were many, many people who behaved like anuses this year, but I managed to whittle the list down to a final group of 13 sphincters whose shittiness really went above and beyond.
In a desperate attempt to stay internet relevant, deranged sorority sister Rebecca Martinson penned a totally anticlimactic, completely pointless account of a drunken blowjob she gave with a friend once in college for Vice. Because…why? She’s segued from writing mean things about her sorority sisters to writing mean things about guys she’s fucked? Inventive. Keep reading »
Remember Rebecca Martinson, the University of Maryland sorority girl who sent her fellow Delta Gammas a lengthy screed that introduced the world to the term “cunt punt”? Of course you do! Things have worked out well for Rebecca, despite being mocked mercilessly by the internet and being given the boot by her sorority — she’s been writing a reliably bitchy column for the dude site Bro Bible and now comes news that she’ll be putting pen to paper on her first novel. Ahh, book deals, so hard to come by these days unless you’re a horrible waste of space. Martinson is co-writing the book with the creator of the blog White Girl Problems (sounds like a collaboration made in heaven) and it’s being shopped around by none other than Tucker Max’s agent, so I think we can expect a best seller. Personally, I thought that Martinson’s notorious cunt punt email, while nasty as hell, was pretty well-written, funny and had good timing. Which is not to say I approve of this book deal. I just hate it less than others. [Huffington Post]
Rebecca Martinson, modern study in leaning in and sorority girl extraordinaire, has penned an advice column for BroBible called “A Guide To Getting A Guy To Text You The Morning After,” and surprise! It’s full of really solid advice! Rebecca’s like that friend we all have or definitely need — one who gives stringent, bracing advice that leaves you at first clutching your pearls but then nodding your head in agreement. Perhaps this kind of advice is a form of female pickup artistry; these instructions, once you strip away the aggressive, Regina George-ness of it all, are pretty good. The whole thing is kind of a gem. Let’s unpack this.
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Last one, we swear! If you get Morgan fucking Freeman to read Rebecca Martinson’s Delta Gamma sorority letter, you better believe we’re going to post it. Okay, maybe it’s not Morgan Freeman himself, but a Morgan Freeman sound-a-like named Josh Robert Thompson — and it’s pretty damn convincing. This could change everything. Think about “Shawshank Redemption,” for one. What if Morgan Freeman’s character Red had been all, “ANDY! Don’t be a cunt punt! Dig us out of prison!” How much better would that movie have been, really? [HyperVocal]
And now we’ve reached the end: Disgraced Delta Gamma sis Rebecca Martinson has resigned from the University of Maryland chapter of her sorority, following a week of radio silence from Martinson and the chapter. Yup, the woman who has gifted us with the phrase “cunt punt” has left the building. In a public statement, Delta Gamma said that the “tone and content of [Martinson's] email was highly inappropriate and unacceptable by any standard.”
The full letter is after the jump!
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My phone blips. Another email. Given that I’m stuck at an un-jaywalkable intersection in the East Village, I pause to open it. It’s another reply to my sorority sister’s chain email. The subject line from 35 emails ago simply reads: “Interesting.” I’m immediately engrossed, missing the walking man and chance to cross the street.
Earlier this week, another email sent off to “sisters” surfaced on the internet. It has received hundreds of thousands of reads, an onslaught of comments and at least two well-known dramatic readings. Rebecca Martinson’s virulent, expletive-filled rant confirmed and probably strengthened everybody’s stereotype of Greek life.
Her email evoked many emotions. I was embarrassed for her and disgusted with the email. I was incredulous that she could send something like that to an entire chapter of girls that she pays dues to be a member of. (Also that she used email, when everybody knows can easily be forwarded or published.) I thought of my own past Greek Weeks with amusement. But mostly I recalled the intense and all-consuming nature of the Greek system — the politics, the rankings, the jockeying for connection to a certain fraternity, the endless events, the rivalry of shirts and styles. I remembered what it was like to care so much about the frivolity. Keep reading »
Remember when Delta Gamma sorority girl Rebecca Martinson warned that “FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR”? And then she told you that “I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters”?
Yes, well, we’ve finally uncovered the magical fraternity that Rebecca Martinson feels so passionately about. Behold, the young men of the University of Maryland Sigma Nu chapter. According to the frat’s Facebook page, Sigma Nu’s slogan is: “Become Something More… Become a Sigma Nu.” Here they are, in a photo taken somewhere likely on the Maryland shore, red Solo cups held high, celebrating their pre-Rebecca Martinson lives. (Totally in love with photobombing orange shirt guy, BTW.) Keep reading »
Michael Shannon’s dramatic reading of University of Maryland sorority girl Rebecca Martinson‘s batshit insane letter to her Delta Gamma sisters may well be the scariest damned thing the internet has seen. I think a vein burst in Michael Shannon’s neck. Wear headphones if you listen to this at the office. There’s a lot of screaming. [Funny Or Die]
University of Maryland sorority girl Rebecca Martinson has gotten a lot of attention this past week for the rather aggressive email she sent out to her fellow Delta Gamma sisters. Martinson, who repeatedly referred to her sisters as “awkward,” “retarded” “faggots,” was fairly quickly outed as the letter sender, and has since deleted her subtly racist Twitter feed.
Many people have rushed to Martinson’s defense in the days since, and would like to remind us that not all sorority sisters are so foul-mouthed and nasty. And it’s true: the vast majority of sororities and sorority sisters are not little Rebecca Martinsons. And sororities can have long-lasting positive effects on the lives of their members. So before you cry foul, know that we do agree, sororities can provide valuable and enriching experiences for their members.
But these are not those stories.
After the jump, some of the worst sorority sisters giving Greek life a bad name. Keep reading »