Confession: I once had a black belt in ways to get out of doin’ it. Until something “snapped” at age 24 and I finally enjoyed sex, I Dreaded having intercourse with a capital D. Don’t get me wrong; I was plenty sexual—I just loathed the part where a guy’s penis entered me and moved around. What was there to enjoy about something that felt like a probing gyno exam where you’re trapped in the stirrups? Lucky for me, something changed last February and I began to desire sex for pleasure, commencing a joyous slutty phase to make up for lost time. But if you’re still stuck in that dark tunnel of crappiness where I was, ages 17 to 24, trust me, I feel for you. Who’d have thunk not many guys in their early 20s would want a sexual relationship with no intercourse?

So, I read with interest the Daily Mail‘s list of the top 10 excuses women give to get out of sex, like “I’ve got to get up in the morning” and “You need a shower.” It’s a good start, but I can think of quite a few other ways ...

As I’m sure you’re well aware, there are many good reasons to have sex. In fact, sometimes you don’t need any reason at all—other than, say, loving your partner.

However, sometimes a lady finds herself doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. That’s what we’re here to cover. So if you find yourself in any of the following situations, please extricate yourself as quickly as possible:

Revenge: The most popular very-wrong reason to have sex, revenge sex never ends well. Hooking up with his best friend because you’re angry at your boyfriend will get you nowhere. If you do manage to break up their friendship, then you’re stuck with an untrustworthy dude (if he did it to him, he’ll do it to you). Even worse, there’s always the (strong) possibility that he went right back and told his buddy and the two of them are now comparing notes over high-fives and hot wings.