Childbirth is a miracle. It’s a miracle that I intend to experience (hypothetically, in the distant future, maybe) with an epidural and as many pain-numbing drugs as they’ll give me.
Some moms-to-be go the other extreme: giving birth outdoors, literally on the floor of the fuckin’ woods, sans a doctor. And because this is America, there’s a new Lifetime reality show about them called “Born In The Wild.” Keep reading »
There should be some sort of adult lady merit badge for sitting through four hours of “The Bachelorette” in 48 hours. I’m just saying. Let’s review last night’s episode, which featured the most emotionally manipulative date I’ve ever witnessed on this stupid show that I just can’t quit, not to mention an unexpected departure. Keep reading »
For some reason, ABC has decided that one two-hour episode a week just isn’t enough “Bachelorette.” This week, there are two two-hour episodes of my favorite reality TV dating show, one last night and then another tonight. Yay, four hours of “The Bachelorette” — how did I get so lucky? The good news is, last night’s episode was significantly less depressing than last week’s, but it was also easily among the weirdest episodes I’ve ever seen. Let’s dole out some superlatives and you’ll see what I mean! Keep reading »
Every season, I dutifully sit through each needlessly long episode (two hours! why?!) of “The Bachelor” or “Bachelorette,” delighting in the ridiculousness of the various dates and awkwardness of the forced romantic interactions. But I hit a wall pretty early into last night’s episode and had to turn it off. Why? Well, I’ll let these two “Bachelorette” superlatives explain why… Keep reading »
Oof, last night’s episode of “True Tori,” one of the biggest car wrecks of a reality show I’ve ever watched, was a doozy. Quick recap: “True Tori” is a Lifetime celeb reality show about Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott, in the wake of his cheating “scandal.” Some think the cheating was concocted for the reality show, but while I think Tori and Dean are often acting their D-list balls off, the events are real. It’s a very odd show to watch, because it feels both so real and so fake all at once.
Anyway, on last night’s episode, Tori and Dean were at couples therapy and Dean was trying to explain what compelled him to cheat while he was in Toronto filming “Top Chef Canada.” Apparently he was sore about the fact that he and Tori didn’t have sex before he left on his trip, an excuse that Tori immediately called out as bullshit. As Tori explained it, they had not only been intimate in the weeks before his trip (if not the night before), but that she had “done things” she’d never done before and that the couple had paid two visits to a sex shop. Dean was quick to leave the room — because apparently talking about your sex life on TV goes too far, but putting your four kids on a show about the breakdown of your marriage does not — and viewers were left guessing what “things” Tori was talking about. My first hunch was obviously ANAL, but the two sex shop trips indicate that they needed special supplies. I don’t believe for a second that Tori and Dean have been in a seven-year marriage and have never used sexy toys in the bedroom, so the obvious conclusion — to me and echoed by Jezebel — is that they bought a strap-on and Tori pegged Dean with it. CASE CLOSED. Pegged it! (P.S. Ain’t no shame in stimulating that prostate, Dean. No judgement here!) Keep reading »
Woohoo! “The Bachelorette” is back! Andi Dorfman, last season’s tough talking DA who told Juan Pablo where to stick it, is basically this show’s ideal star. She’s pretty, she’s feisty and, most of all, she is desperate to find love and be engaged at the end. Unfortunately for her, the casting directors phoned it the fuck in this season, as over half of the dude contestants gave me MAJOR gay vibes and many of them are just straight up unattractive. Like, I’m pretty horny these days, and I would still need beer goggles to bring 95 percent of these dudebros home. If I was her, I would ask for a do over. Alas, the cards have been dealt and Chris Harrison has uttered those infamous words, “Let the journey begin!” Here’s this week’s recap — presented in superlatives! Keep reading »
A new season of “The Bachelorette” starts on Monday, May 19, and ABC has finally given us a looksie at the 25 dude specimens who will be after Andi Dorfman’s final rose. Not to sound like Chris Harrison, but this season is already shaping up to have … THE WORST HAIR EVER. To make things a little easier, I’ve grouped the guys into six hair categories. Click onward to meet them all! Keep reading »
For better or for worse, I’m more than a little obsessed with “Teen Mom 2.” After years of watching the series, I feel like I know (and root for!) these young women personally. Watching Kailyn, Leah, and Chelsea adjust to being parents and make questionable choices is always interesting and occasionally infuriating. But nobody has the ability to traumatize my blood pressure levels quite like Jenelle Evans.
Jenelle may be a mom, but most of the time, I find myself wishing I could just swoop in and parent her. Jenelle has been in and out of jail, hopping from one toxic relationship to the next and had yet to regain custody of her son Jace when she decided to get pregnant with a second child after dating the father for what seemed like only a few weeks.
Look, nobody is perfect, but this girl needs some Deepak Chopra 101 or something. I mostly just want to scream at Jenelle, but on the show’s “Unseen Moments” special last week, she told Dr. Drew that mean internet stories about her make her cry on the daily ‚ so I’ll take a kinder approach. Here are some gentle reminders that I would not-so-subtly share with Jenelle if I were to sit down face-to-face with her and play pseudo-shrink. Jenelle, I say these things with love: Keep reading »