“Deadliest Catch” is one of my favorite reality shows. I love watching marathons of it when I’m sad or depressed, because nothing makes me feel better about my current life situation than being reminded that it could be worse, and specifically, that I could be in the middle of a 24-hour shift on a tiny crab boat in the middle of a hurricane on the Bering Sea, with snot and fish guts frozen to my face. That being said, the show is a total sausage fest — crab fishing is an industry dominated by men, and the show’s cast reflects that. Besides one husband and wife captain team, you rarely, if ever, see a woman on the show.
But 18-year-old Mandy Hansen is about to change that. Keep reading »
Childbirth is a miracle. It’s a miracle that I intend to experience (hypothetically, in the distant future, maybe) with an epidural and as many pain-numbing drugs as they’ll give me.
Some moms-to-be go the other extreme: giving birth outdoors, literally on the floor of the fuckin’ woods, sans a doctor. And because this is America, there’s a new Lifetime reality show about them called “Born In The Wild.” Keep reading »
There should be some sort of adult lady merit badge for sitting through four hours of “The Bachelorette” in 48 hours. I’m just saying. Let’s review last night’s episode, which featured the most emotionally manipulative date I’ve ever witnessed on this stupid show that I just can’t quit, not to mention an unexpected departure. Keep reading »
For some reason, ABC has decided that one two-hour episode a week just isn’t enough “Bachelorette.” This week, there are two two-hour episodes of my favorite reality TV dating show, one last night and then another tonight. Yay, four hours of “The Bachelorette” — how did I get so lucky? The good news is, last night’s episode was significantly less depressing than last week’s, but it was also easily among the weirdest episodes I’ve ever seen. Let’s dole out some superlatives and you’ll see what I mean! Keep reading »
Every season, I dutifully sit through each needlessly long episode (two hours! why?!) of “The Bachelor” or “Bachelorette,” delighting in the ridiculousness of the various dates and awkwardness of the forced romantic interactions. But I hit a wall pretty early into last night’s episode and had to turn it off. Why? Well, I’ll let these two “Bachelorette” superlatives explain why… Keep reading »
Oof, last night’s episode of “True Tori,” one of the biggest car wrecks of a reality show I’ve ever watched, was a doozy. Quick recap: “True Tori” is a Lifetime celeb reality show about Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott, in the wake of his cheating “scandal.” Some think the cheating was concocted for the reality show, but while I think Tori and Dean are often acting their D-list balls off, the events are real. It’s a very odd show to watch, because it feels both so real and so fake all at once.
Anyway, on last night’s episode, Tori and Dean were at couples therapy and Dean was trying to explain what compelled him to cheat while he was in Toronto filming “Top Chef Canada.” Apparently he was sore about the fact that he and Tori didn’t have sex before he left on his trip, an excuse that Tori immediately called out as bullshit. As Tori explained it, they had not only been intimate in the weeks before his trip (if not the night before), but that she had “done things” she’d never done before and that the couple had paid two visits to a sex shop. Dean was quick to leave the room — because apparently talking about your sex life on TV goes too far, but putting your four kids on a show about the breakdown of your marriage does not — and viewers were left guessing what “things” Tori was talking about. My first hunch was obviously ANAL, but the two sex shop trips indicate that they needed special supplies. I don’t believe for a second that Tori and Dean have been in a seven-year marriage and have never used sexy toys in the bedroom, so the obvious conclusion — to me and echoed by Jezebel — is that they bought a strap-on and Tori pegged Dean with it. CASE CLOSED. Pegged it! (P.S. Ain’t no shame in stimulating that prostate, Dean. No judgement here!) Keep reading »
Woohoo! “The Bachelorette” is back! Andi Dorfman, last season’s tough talking DA who told Juan Pablo where to stick it, is basically this show’s ideal star. She’s pretty, she’s feisty and, most of all, she is desperate to find love and be engaged at the end. Unfortunately for her, the casting directors phoned it the fuck in this season, as over half of the dude contestants gave me MAJOR gay vibes and many of them are just straight up unattractive. Like, I’m pretty horny these days, and I would still need beer goggles to bring 95 percent of these dudebros home. If I was her, I would ask for a do over. Alas, the cards have been dealt and Chris Harrison has uttered those infamous words, “Let the journey begin!” Here’s this week’s recap — presented in superlatives! Keep reading »
A new season of “The Bachelorette” starts on Monday, May 19, and ABC has finally given us a looksie at the 25 dude specimens who will be after Andi Dorfman’s final rose. Not to sound like Chris Harrison, but this season is already shaping up to have … THE WORST HAIR EVER. To make things a little easier, I’ve grouped the guys into six hair categories. Click onward to meet them all! Keep reading »