I, like so many of you, relished last week’s season premiere of the “Real Housewives of Orange County,” the original gangsta of Bravo’s “Housewives” franchise. (You know you can’t wait to watch tonight.) But the fact that they aired the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” reunion special beforehand gave me an interesting idea: what if Bravo started their own version of “Wife Swap”? You know, switched the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” with the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” and ... “Watch what happens.” Let Danielle lay down a few tracks in Kandi’s studio. Let Dina and Caroline do a karaoke cover of “Tardy For the Party.” Let Teresa and Kim trade wigs for the week. Have Dwight give Caroline a makeover. Oh, maybe, Dina could take over Sheree’s clothing line for a week? 

When Kim Zolciak performed her single “Tardy for the Party” on Bravo’s “Real Housewives of Atlanta” reunion this week, she exclaimed that her dreams had come true. Her castmates may agree to disagree. For many reality television stars, fame on the small screen is just the beginning. Like Kim, their dreams often take them into the music world. Now, PopEater takes a look at other celebrities who made the leap from reality television to singing ... some with more success than others.

Perhaps you’ve heard the exciting rumors that the team behind the “Real Housewives” franchise has been working on a new all-gay version of the show. Well, apparently, it’s really going to happen ... and soon! Casting will start in the next couple weeks and creators hope to begin production in November. The show is tentatively titled “Kept” and will air on the MTV-owned all-gay channel, Logo. It will focus on the lives of wealthy and fabulous gay playboys in Manhattan who love to party it up at the hottest clubs and swankiest parties. If you thought rich housewives could be drama, just wait till you see men who have flatirons and know how to use them.

Atlanta “Housewife” NeNe Leakes and Orange County “Housewife” Gretchen Rossi faked a make-out sesh for the cameras. This is what I was talking about when I suggested a “Real Housewives” spoof last month. [Beverly Hills, CA, 9/22/09]

We love it when Jimmy Fallon dresses in drag and pretends to be his fictional wife, “Denise,” in “The Real Housewives of Late Night.” He did a pretty good job on Monday night: He had the Jersey accent down pat, nailed the self-congratulatory speeches, and almost threw a tantrum, which is about as “Real Housewife” as you can get. But where was his cleavage? And why wasn’t he trying to sell us anything or tell us about his charity? Also, when’s the last time we saw a “Real Housewife” cook? With the exception of Bethenny and her Skinny Girl margaritas, of course.

There were some highs and some lows on the season premiere of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” last night. The absolute best part was the neck-rolling, arm-swinging catfight, altercation, ruckus, or whatever you want to call it between Sheree and her party planner, Anthony. You see, Sheree had the not-so unique idea to throw an “independence party” since her ex-husband got her home foreclosed, and she finally has to stand on her own two feet. Basically, she wanted Atlanta’s elite to fawn over her once again and realize that she might have a smaller house, but she’s still “fabulous.”

“The Real Housewives of Atlanta” will be back tomorrow night, y’all, and we, meaning Amelia and I, can’t wait. This season, all five of the women, including newcomer Kandi Burruss, get in on the dramz. I’m talking hair-pulling, name-calling, home-foreclosing draaaama. After the jump, I speculate on what will happen in season two based on watching the preview videos a bazillion times.

Who isn’t  “Real Housewife” Kelly Bensimon running from? [NYC, 7/20/09]

With all the hullabaloo over Michael Jackson’s death on Thursday, I didn’t get around to watching part two of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion until this weekend. So glad Bravo reruns things a bajillion times, because part two was even better than part one! We went over the details of the Cop Without A Badge allegations about Danielle (she refused to comment on most of them, saying she would have her own book set the record straight) and found out how Dina and Caroline managed to marry brothers (Caroline made Albert first, and his brother Tommy, who had known Dina since she was a kid, eventually fell in love with her as an adult). The best part, however, came towards the end, when it was majorly implied that after filming was over, Danielle did something to get back at Dina. Whatever she attempted to do never actually happened and while Dina has decided to forgive her—or at least not make a public issue out of it—Caroline has not. She said that she’d never be able to forgive Danielle because “too much [had] gone down”, that she was “disgraceful” and “garbage.” So what did Danielle do?! I speculate, after the jump….

Dear Steve,

We hear from Star magazine that you’re trying to sell some tapes, which show Danielle Staub giving you your “routine blow job,” as Teresa once eloquently phrased it. Some kind advice: Don’t do it. For the sake of our eyes not running away from their sockets, if nothing else. While we understand that you’re upset because you had to spend thousands of dollars on Danielle (even though she outright says that she only dates men for their money), you don’t really need to make this quick buck. Everyone totally thought you were gross for getting fellatio from her, but then we totally loved when you were holding in your laughs during the break-up scene, so why not quit while you’re ahead? Destroy the videos, save your reputation (or what’s left of it), and just continue on down the path of life, wearing your Ed Hardy hats that almost cover your premature bald spot. K?

Sincerely,
The Frisky

Normally, when reality TV stars talk about how in love they are, I involuntarily roll my eyes. (See: Paris Hilton talking about how she wants to marry boyfriend Doug Reinhardt, only to dump him, like, a week later.) But when I read that Bethenny Frankel from “The Real Housewives of New York City” has a new guy, I felt kind of giddy. “I’m in love,” she told People over the weekend. “I was getting my picture taken [at a restaurant in New York City] and I had a scowl on my face. He came up and said, ‘Are you going to get that stick out of your a–?’ I’m pretty much certain I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him…I’m really happy.” Her dude’s name is Jason Hoppy and they’ve been together for eight months. He’s a pharmaceutical rep who also does real estate. And look at his dreamy blue eyes! [People]

We know what the real housewives of today look like. According to Bravo, they’re infighting California real estate agents, squabbling Atlanta athletes’ wives, back-stabbing aspiring New York City socialites, and now table-tossing New Jersey gangsters’ molls. But what will the housewives of the future look like? Photographer, filmmaker, and artist Erwin Olaf has created a very strange short film that takes a peek behind the linen curtains to find out. One online reviewer describes it as “Jacques Tati meets David Lynch.” I call it superfreaky. If you get bored with all the interior panning about, fast-forward to the 2:27 mark for the surreal reveal. Let’s hope the mothers-of-the-future don’t really turn out like these spooky cyborgian replicants. They might scare the babies.

This week’s “Real Housewives Of New Jersey” was AC all the way, baby! While the Atlantic City plotline seemed perfectly made for drama, there was little to none. Only talks about Lexi (who got back from Greece without going to a water park or contracting some terrible waterborne disease), buh-bies and Teresa’s packing skills. Let’s take a look at what the girls were up to in the Jerz this week…

If you’ve been keeping up with the Manzos, you know that the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” are intensely amazing with their Botox parties and Mafioso undertones. Well, Bravo isn’t slowing down anytime soon (thank God). They’ve just announced the upcoming “Real Housewives of D.C.” which will feature political wives, philanthropic leaders, fashion sophisticates, and other power players. And last week Bravo started casting for “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” That’s right, it’ll be like Orange County, only with bigger mansions and more celebrity run-ins. I bet Heidi Montag would be down!

Because we hope to see this brilliant show continue to flourish, here are ten other cities Bravo should consider for the Real Housewives franchises.

According to the preview for next week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” Danielle, the single mother who was engaged 19 times and has ever-surprised eyebrows, gets upset when a deep, dark secret is revealed. Apparently the secret has to do with Danielle’s role in a book called Cop Without A Badge—and we’ve got the dirty details! The book is about Kevin Maher, a criminal turned informant for the New York Police Department and the FBI. Danielle was affiliated with Maher, but back then she went by the name Beverly, a prostitute with a hankering for doing lots of cocaine. Maher apparently left his wife and child for Beverly/Danielle, but she was bad news and was eventually arrested for extortion, possession, and kidnapping. Kidnapping! Check out her mug shot (above)—gorgeous. According to the book, Beverly/Danielle was still stripping in Jersey as late as 1992. This must have been just before she met her 19th fiance, got married, and had two kids.

Bravo is really pullin’ out all the stops to try and make this season of “Real Housewives” more dramatic than all the rest. A former coke whoring kidnapper really makes DeYawn, The C(o)untess, and Crazy-Eyed Vicky look boring. [NJ.com via DListed]

Bravo isn’t stupid. When they hit on a show that works, there is little deviation from the original formula. On last night’s “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” the gals from Jersey proved they were serious housewife material. I found five similarities between the Garden State cast and those from the OC, Atlanta, and NYC, but, trust me, these women fit Bravo’s “Housewives”-bot mold perfectly. Here’s why ...

Bravo’s “Real Housewives” series has traveled across the Hudson to the Garden State for its latest installment, and New Jersey was made for this show. Starting next week, Amelia and her consigliere John DeVore will be liveblogging every episode. Get excited! The newest housewives (Jacqueline, Teresa, Danielle, Dina, and Caroline), their “construction” workers husbands, big hair, big nails, and McMansions decorated like a Medieval Times dinner show won’t let us down. Seeing as though I can’t survive a Tuesday without a h’wife episode, here are the top five moments of Jerz genius so far.

I have a substance abuse problem. The substance is any iteration of “The Real Housewives” on Bravo. There, I said it. In any case, I endured “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” enjoyed “The Real Housewives of New York City,” and suffered “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” but nothing, nothing beats how totally awesome “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” looks. There are a bunch of shouty sisters all looking like they can’t wait to slit someone’s neck, and I’ve already got a favorite quote that I intend to use at any and every opportunity: “I don’t like you before I like you.” Bitches are hardcore. That’s how they role in the Garden State, dammit!

On last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives Of New York City,” Kelly Bensimon attempted to tear Bethenny a new you-know-what for daring to call her “Madonna” at the arthritis charity meeting. Bethenny, as you may recall, was appalled that Kelly wouldn’t put her name on the invitation (Kelly doesn’t lend her name to anything), which just added to her general dislike of the latest housewife.

[Note: Personally, I think the [soon-to-be-former] C(o)untess LuAnn had Kelly added to the show so she would seem less evil in comparison. Totally worked, FYI, as LuAnn seems like Mother Theresa to me now.]