Careening through life high on drama is best left to the ladies of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” But ripping off their Jersey girl style just for one night will do your bubbies proud! Lucky for you, it’s as easy as making a trip to my fair state’s biggest temple of worship (that’s “the mall,” for those of you in the other 49 states). Your instructions? Find something that clashes, find something else that clashes, press on your fake nails, and poof! You’re ready. But ... but ..., you might be thinking, zebra print and leopard print together? Really? Yes. Trust us. New Jersey‘s state motto is “go big or go home!” So grab your copy of Cop Without A Badge, and check out our picks.

Danielle Staub of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” has some serious beef with Jennifer Aniston. Aniston was recently a guest on “Chelsea Lately” to talk about her flick “The Bounty,” which was filmed in Atlantic City, New Jersey. At one point during the show, Aniston quipped simply, “What is with that smell?” This got Staub very riled up. She ranted to Us Weekly, “Why don’t you see more of New Jersey before you say it smells? If it were so bad, I wouldn’t be living here for 22 years. I will personalize a tour and take her to a fabulous lunch on me afterwards, all homemade Italian food, and a tour of all the wonderfully smelling places in New Jersey.” [NY Daily News]

I get the state pride, but who cares if someone thinks your state smells? Real Housewives, that’s who. But Aniston isn’t the only celeb to speak ill of a state or city. Here are a few other celebs who totally hate America, kinda! 

I think I’ve found the newest cast member for the next season of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Nicole Bobek! She’s a 1995 U.S. figure skating champion, who skated in the Olympics. But today she is… dun dun dun...accused of being part of a methamphetamine ring. The 31-year-old lives in Florida but was charged by New Jersey police with conspiracy to distribute in Hudson Country, New Jersey. As one of 20 people who have been arrested in connection with the drug ring, Bobek’s story is surely ringing bells for Danielle Staub. AmIrite? Or AmIrite? [CNN]

There’s supposedly nothing to watch on TV in the summer, but this week is (shockingly!) looking pretty good. We’ve got VH1’s new show, “The Great Debate,” plus the season premiere of “Entourage” and finale of “Reno 911.” Also, adorable Neil Patrick Harris stops by “Top Chef Masters,” and we get more (MORE!) “Real Housewives of New Jersey” with a special lost footage episode. Am I drooling yet?

Here are the bubbie-licious “Real Housewives of New Jersey” are leaving their appearance on “Live With Regis And Kelly” looking so glamorous even “Sex and The City” stylist Patricia Field would approve. [NYC, 7/2/09]

Four out of the five “Real Housewives of New Jersey” were on “Live With Regis & Kelly” this morning (though Jerry O’Connell was filling in for Regis) and the ladies talked a lot about Danielle, who was noticeably absent. One thing is for sure—Danielle, Caroline wants to kick your ass. Clip above!

Before he dated Fergie, Josh Duhamel dated Danielle Staub… on “All My Children” that is. The “Real Housewife of New Jersey” who fought off the release of a sex tape last week now has her soap opera stint circulating around the web instead. While she doesn’t really do much but sit there and look pretty. It’s good to see that the woman actually did something besides take part in more than alleged drug trafficking and kidnapping plots. That’s more than I can say for Dina.

With all the hullabaloo over Michael Jackson’s death on Thursday, I didn’t get around to watching part two of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion until this weekend. So glad Bravo reruns things a bajillion times, because part two was even better than part one! We went over the details of the Cop Without A Badge allegations about Danielle (she refused to comment on most of them, saying she would have her own book set the record straight) and found out how Dina and Caroline managed to marry brothers (Caroline made Albert first, and his brother Tommy, who had known Dina since she was a kid, eventually fell in love with her as an adult). The best part, however, came towards the end, when it was majorly implied that after filming was over, Danielle did something to get back at Dina. Whatever she attempted to do never actually happened and while Dina has decided to forgive her—or at least not make a public issue out of it—Caroline has not. She said that she’d never be able to forgive Danielle because “too much [had] gone down”, that she was “disgraceful” and “garbage.” So what did Danielle do?! I speculate, after the jump….

Well, well, well. She may have thrown Cop Without A Badge on the table on the “Last Supper” episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” and said that there were only two things true in the book—that she’d changed her name and that she’d been arrested. But it looks like Danielle Staub is a liar, liar, pants on fire. The Smoking Gun has done an extensive investigation and recovered the actual court documents from her 1986 proceedings. They are saying that everything in Cop Without A Badge is true, plus some. After the jump, the details of Danielle’s actual wrongdoings.

The first part of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” reunion was on last night and it was genius. In addition to rehashing the table-turning drama at the final episode dinner and uttering an uncountable number of “bubbies,” the ladies discussed their family values. In particular, Caroline, Dina, Jacqueline, Teresa and Danielle all plan on teaching their daughters how to keep a clean house and select their future husband’s clothes for them. As for the sons? Well, they just hope their future daughter-in-laws baby their babies the way they do. Sigh. Also climactic? Caroline defending her husband and deceased father-in-law, who the media has claimed had mafia connections. Clip above! I got chills. Part two airs tomorrow night—can’t wait!

This weekend, I was skimming through the TV Guide Channel trying to figure out what to watch, when I came across the description of VH1’s “My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding,” which said something to the effect of “Dina,” “wedding,” “fiance owns catering company,” and “New Jersey.” I thought—there can’t be more than one uber-rich Dina in the state of New Jersey who is related to people that own a banquet facility. And by golly, I was right—there isn’t! Before rising to distaste on Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” housewife Dina Manzo had her wedding documented on VH1.

Soon, Dina (looking the same), Caroline (a little thinner), and even little Lexi lit up my living room as I watched the we-swear-we’re-not-part-of-the-mob clan plan the 600-person, $1 million dollar wedding. From watching Dina purchase her $10,000 Badgley Mischka dress which she called a bargain, to refraining from rolling my eyes as she demanded that little $500 butterfly decorations be placed in the flower arrangements, the only word I can think of to describe this wedding––extravagant—is an understatement.

OK, so in terms of “Housewives” seasons, the ladies from the Jerz are neck and neck with their sisters from Orange County in terms of plastic surgery, Botox, beauty treatments and fitness trainers. Everyone watched as Gina and Vicky hit up morning boot camp sessions to get toned, cringed as Tam-RA had Botox shot straight into her ocular cavity and discussed whether Gretchen’s boobs were real or fake. Out in Cali-land, physical upkeep just seems so much more out in the open than it is in New Jersey (save Danielle’s Botox party, pictured above, and the first episode dumbbell pumping in almost zero clothing). Ever wonder exactly what physical upkeep goes into being a housewife from the garden state? W magazine gets the goods from Dina (weekly blow-outs! thrice-weekly private Pilates sessions!), Caroline (fake nails!) and Danielle (pretty much anything her bank account—or her boyfriend at the time’s bank account—can handle!). Check out the primping details! [W]

We start off this, our last episode of “The Real Housewives Of New Jersey,” with a tour of Teresa’s giant house…that’s got nothing in it. Granted, if the house weren’t the size of a Westin Hotel all that furniture she bought would technically work. But, as we all saw, she’s gonna need to go on another spending spree—better start stacking up the hundos! So, yeah, Teresa (wearing, as my boyfriend so helpfully pointed out, shorts that looked more like underwear) decides to throw a “housewarming”—at a restaurant. Basically, it was the excuse the producers needed to do the usual “Housewives” end of season dinner. And wow, these Jersey chick didn’t disappoint on the drama front. Here are the five moments when my jaw-dropped. Literally.

This week’s “Real Housewives Of New Jersey” was AC all the way, baby! While the Atlantic City plotline seemed perfectly made for drama, there was little to none. Only talks about Lexi (who got back from Greece without going to a water park or contracting some terrible waterborne disease), buh-bies and Teresa’s packing skills. Let’s take a look at what the girls were up to in the Jerz this week…

Well, folks, it was a doozy last night! You wanted dirty dancing-style salsa lessons? You got it. You wanted extortion, kidnapping and “models” being arrested? It was your lucky night! You were feeling a little left out of the Chateau gossip? They gave you all the juicy details. So many moments of Jerz brilliance, so little space to opine—but here are a few of last night’s gems…

So, the s**t hit the fan on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” last night, as Danielle’s seedy, coke-whorin’ past as “Beverly” was revealed and she pissed off all the women by taking the cha-cha too seriously at a dance class. Danielle first addressed rumors that she was a husband stealer, telling Jacqueline and Teresa that the rumors were BS, but then jumping on them for even thinking that it might be true. Danielle has got a point—for all this talk of loyalty, no one seems to have Danielle’s back and I kind of feel bad for her. Or I would, if she wasn’t so damn shady. And if she hadn’t put her paws all over delicious Albie.

The “Real Housewives of New Jersey” strike again—this time in the New York Times Styles section. NYT visited some of the ladies to talk about their homes (and by homes, we mean sprawling 10,000-plus-square-foot spreads). You really do get a great sense of the Jersey aesthetic—small and modest, these abodes are not—and learn a thing or two about Jerz interior design.

According to the preview for next week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” Danielle, the single mother who was engaged 19 times and has ever-surprised eyebrows, gets upset when a deep, dark secret is revealed. Apparently the secret has to do with Danielle’s role in a book called Cop Without A Badge—and we’ve got the dirty details! The book is about Kevin Maher, a criminal turned informant for the New York Police Department and the FBI. Danielle was affiliated with Maher, but back then she went by the name Beverly, a prostitute with a hankering for doing lots of cocaine. Maher apparently left his wife and child for Beverly/Danielle, but she was bad news and was eventually arrested for extortion, possession, and kidnapping. Kidnapping! Check out her mug shot (above)—gorgeous. According to the book, Beverly/Danielle was still stripping in Jersey as late as 1992. This must have been just before she met her 19th fiance, got married, and had two kids.

Bravo is really pullin’ out all the stops to try and make this season of “Real Housewives” more dramatic than all the rest. A former coke whoring kidnapper really makes DeYawn, The C(o)untess, and Crazy-Eyed Vicky look boring. [NJ.com via DListed]

We took yet another trip down the Garden State Parkway last night with Caroline, Dina, Danielle, Teresa and Jacqueline—and although I think this episode was more of a precursor to next weeks Danielle bombshell, it served up the usual nutzo Jersey fare. Here are the five gems (as I see it) from last night’s hour: