To me, few things are as sublime as VH1’s trashtastic reality dating shows. I’ve never even slightly gotten the appeal of Bret Michaels on “Rock of Love,” but when I started watching “For the Love of Ray J,” a funny thing happened—I wanted him to be my boyfriend. Not only is Ray J majorly hot—there’s something about his relaxed, no cares in the world attitude that is so, so appealing. At the same time, he seemed genuine, putting his emotions out there. Sadly, things didn’t go so well with his season one choice, and so he is back tonight, starting a whole new quest on season two. Trust me, watch it—it will be amazing TV.

Here’s everything you need to know about Ray J:

Singer/music producer/actor Ray J, Brandy Norwood’s brother, is the latest D-lister to look for love on VH1 on “For the Love of Ray J.” But not much is known about this guy who is desperate for musical success and enjoys partying and loving, other than that Kim Kardashian sex tape business…

I consider myself a bit of a celebrity sex tape connoisseur. Watching celebrities have sex for real, kind of reminds me that they’re human, just like the rest of us. Seeing celebrities use the toilet would probably have the same effect, but it’s not as fun. Anyway, here are the top eight you should really know about, where you might find them if they were carried in a video store, and some key tidbits in order to increase your potential to be a good dinner party guest. Because people LOVE to talk about celebrity sex tapes over tuna casserole, trust me.

1. “One Night In Paris” starring Paris Hilton & Rick Solomon
Where To Find It: Next to “The Blair Witch Project”, filed under “night vision goggles” and “totally overrated.”
Best Scene: Paris literally texts away on her Sidekick while Solomon has his way with her.

We totally love cheesy, awesome, dancey R&B songs, especially when we listen closely to the lyrics and crack up. Usher’s “Love In This Club” provided much joy with the line, “I want to bag you like some groceries,” but it’s time to call attention to some other poetic words of love and lust from R&B MCs. Here are five of our favorite lines…

5. “Now your body’s got me feelin’ like spending/With a backroom I could come to live in/And your hair weave looking kind of pretty/The way you back it up on me baby/Lord have mercy.”—R. Kelly, “Feelin’ On Yo Booty”, TP-2.com
R. Kelly has a thing for big butts, especially on the dance floor. This particular lady has a butt that R. Kelly would like to move into. It doesn’t hurt that her hair weave is looking nice too. If I was this woman, I would be concerned, because we have all heard about what R. Kelly likes to do with butts he likes. Just sayin’.