Tag Archives: psychology

27 Things That Don’t Define Your Self-Worth

Giving Up Control
Being a control freak almost ruined Winona's life. Read More »
Tackling Jealousy
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Nine tips for taming the green monster. Read More »
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Chaotic and ever-changing as life is, it’s no wonder that we look to external factors to define who we are and how we’re doing. It’s easy to lose sight of how our success in life shows up in intangible stuff, like the way we treat people, how we handle tough stuff, and how much love we put into the world.

Here are some things that never define your self-worth and if they all changed tomorrow, you would still be you: Keep reading »

10 Things To Never, Ever Say To A Person With Depression

depression woman

Clinical depression sucks and it’s only growing more common. Almost one in two people in the U.S. will suffer from depression or another mental health condition at some point and about one in 17 Americans actually has a serious mental illness right now.

Despite its rising rates, depression can be hard to wrap your brain around, especially if you’ve never had it. It’s not easily treated or cleared up by positive thinking, or yanking yourself up by your bootstraps, or shoving your feelings to the dark corners of the back of your mind. It’s so much deeper and more insidious than that. I once described depression this way:

“None of those external [good things you have going for you] truly register or resonate when you have depression. You can logically identify them as Good Things, and you know they are supposed to make you feel Good, but you can’t feel them, they can’t get in. It’s like your brain is wearing a full-body armor designed to keep only the good things out. Bad things … get ushered in instantly, like VIPs.”

People who don’t have depression don’t always know what to say that could possibly help to a friend or family member going through the all-encompassing yet simultaneously utterly numb sensation of your own brain turning against you. Here are a few things not to say (unless you want said friend or loved one to grow homicidal as well as miserable): Keep reading »

9 Tips For Taking On Jealousy

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Of all the ugly emotions out there, jealousy has to be one of the worst. It can feel childish, petty and almost like a primal rage. But it’s also inescapable; jealousy is almost like an epic equalizer, because everybody feels it now and then. On the path toward emotional growth, jealousy is one of the hardest hurdles to take on because it seem like such an out-of-control, counterproductive emotion, but it can be used for good. Whether it’s competitive jealousy with friends and acquaintances or the kind of jealousy that inches its way into monogamous relationships, this crummy feeling can take us to the emotional maturity level of a 7th grader with the snap of a finger. We can’t just make it disappear, but we can find ways to handle it like (semi) grown-ups. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: 5 Red Flags That Told Me To Leave

On Abused Women
Facts about why abused women stay with their abusers. Read More »
Spot A Narcissist
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Four ways to spot a narcissist before he becomes your boyfriend. Read More »
No Respect Warning Signs
abusive relationship
Eight warning signs a partner does not respect you. Read More »

He seemed sweet at first. In fact, he had many sweet moments. But then there was the other stuff …

Abusive behavior isn’t as simple as we, as a society, want it to be. We often think that the kinds of signs that tell you a man could be abusive are very obvious. We imagine monsters, overtly misogynist thugs. We think of extreme physical violence as being the key – or the only – signifier. But often the violence doesn’t start until a relationship is already established – sometimes not until after a woman has moved in with her boyfriend, marries him, or becomes pregnant. In fact, the leading cause of death in pregnant women is domestic homicide, which is to say they are killed by their intimate partners. If we limit our understanding of abusive behavior to physical violence, we risk ignoring other red flags we should be heeding. Keep reading »

4 Ways To Spot A Narcissist Before He Becomes Your Boyfriend

No Respect Warning Signs
abusive relationship
Eight warning signs a partner does not respect you. Read More »
Dating Red Flags
guys
These red flags should send you running. Read More »
narcissist-060714

A cute guy walks up to you in a bar. He’s totally full of himself, but makes you laugh as he flexes his muscles while telling you he’s the best. This guy is a narcissist, right?

Not necessarily. Keep reading »

Transgender National Security Leaker Pvt. Chelsea Manning May Be Transferred To Civilian Prison To Be Treated For “Gender Dysphoria”

I Am Chelsea Manning
Bradley Manning: "I Am Chelsea Manning, I Am Female"
Wikileaks leaker Bradley Manning has transitioned to Chelsea Manning. Read More »
Health Care Is A Right
chelsea manning transgender in prison
... whether you're in prison or not, whether you're transgender or not. Read More »
Q&A: Laverne Cox
interview Laverne Cox Orange Is The New Black
Meet Laverne Cox, the trans actress from "Orange Is The New Black." Read More »
Bradley Manning: "I Am Chelsea Manning, I Am Female"

It’s been awhile since we’ve heard anything about Private Chelsea Manning, also known as Bradley Manning, a dishonorably discharged soldier who was sentenced to 35 years for leaking classified documents to Wikileaks. The last we heard from Manning was in August, when she had publicly come out as transgender and informed the world she wanted to be referred to as Chelsea. This announcement drew attention to the fact that she was being sentenced to confinement at Fort Leavenworth, an all-male prison. Keep reading »

Surprise: Going To An Ivy League Won’t Make You Any Happier As An Adult

ivy league graduate

This one is for everyone who freaked about the colleges they got into, if they were privileged enough to get into college at all: a Gallup-Purdue University poll found that the experiences you had in college rather than the type of school you went to, are the major factor in determining the happiness in your post-grad quality of life. I’m guessing this could come as a major comfort to those high school juniors and seniors who are vying for spots at Princeton, Harvard and Yale. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: On The “Confidence Gap” & Women Undermining Other Women

The Soapbox: On The "Confidence Gap" & Women Undermining Other Women

Last week, ABC News reporter Claire Shipman and BBC World News American anchor Katty Kay published an essay in The Atlantic called “The Confidence Gap” about the divide in confidence between men and women. The piece is promoting their new book, The Confidence Code: The Science And Art Of Self-Assurance — What Women Should Know. The basic gist is that although women have proven themselves just as competent as men in higher education and in the workplace, we struggle with confidence in our abilities (even while men who lack those abilities are assuredly overconfident).

Predictably, these statements have set off a flurry of response pieces. On Al-Jazeera, Alice Driver criticized the book for setting the male status quo as the standard for women (as did Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In). Amanda Hess took a similar tack over at Slate’s Double X blog. Over at Jezebel, Tracy Moore argued there there’s no confidence crisis at all: “It’s just sexism.” Keep reading »

Trying To Find Your Self? Check Your Chest

The “I,” the ego, the self. These terms are used loosely to describe the individual life-force each of us is always searching for, but seems intent on remaining so elusive. According to a new study published in the journal Consciousness and Cognition, scientists claim to have discovered the general location of the self within the body, subjectively speaking, at least.  Keep reading »

You Aren’t Imagining It: Study Finds That Seeing Happy Couples In Ads Makes You Depressed

Dear Single Friends
Life After Dating: An Open Letter To Our Single Friends
An open letter from two women in relationships to their single friends. Read More »
Single Lady Misconceptions
Misconceptions Couples Have About Singles And Vice Versa
13 common misconceptions couples have about singles. Read More »
Happy Couple Advice
8 Bits Of Radical Relationship Wisdom From The Single Dude Who Quit His Job To Travel The Country And Interview Happy Couples
8 bits of wisdom from someone who interviews happy couples. Read More »
carrie bradshaw sad

New research from the University of Southern California found that, shocker, looking at images of happy couples when you’re single makes you feel crappy. Advertisers love to rely on the “lovey dovey” trope to sell things, assuming that people who aren’t in a happy relationship will see the product as the key to attaining kind of life they want (“aspirational”).

Instead, just the opposite happens: consumers think they aren’t worthy of the brand. What researchers refer to as single consumers’ perceived deservingness drops with each ad they see of a relationship they don’t have. The popular stereotype is that when people feel bad about themselves, they turn to retail therapy. Instead, they actually stay away from nice stuff. If they do indulge while in their funk, the things they buy usually are lower-end or, in the case of food, low-calorie. Keep reading »

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